Once Upon a Time on a Pirate Ship
by Helsayx
Summary: School? Check. Food? Check. Movie? Check. Being thrown into movie...? Check.
1. Suffocating Fog?

Wow. I'm probably the only person who's made a self-insertion of two different things. -shot-

Why is Helsayx doing this? Because one, she is too self centered, and two, she is finding a real lack of self-insertions in the Pirates of the Caribbean section that doen't have the person falling in love with one of the characters.

So without further ado, ONWARDS.

* * *

Okay, let's check out my life right now. I go to a school which apparently made for 'gifted and talented children'. You would never guess that if someone hadn't told you, seeing as the place is filled with perverts and idiots. Sometimes you just feel like you and your friends are the only half decent people in the world. All my teacher's hate me except for one. They decide it would be funny if they picked on me to answer the hardest questions, and when I DO get them right they always say that I was cheating and try to embarrass me in front of everybody. Thankfully, nothing really embarrasses me seeing as I'm too damn proud (which results in me in my friends trying to devise a plot to kill said teacher on the inside).

Anyways, everybody thinks I'm somebody who'll never do anything bad or swear. Y'know, the goody two-shoes. Basically, everybody thinks I'm a nerd (though I don't know why. You'd think you'd notice if you saw a girl slapping some random guy for trying to get a hold of her ass), so when they try fucking up my day, they seem fairly surprised at me when I say, "If you do that again, I'll shove my foot up your ass.' I actually listen to rock and heavy metal, and if there's something I don't do, it's reading. All I do the entire day is play video games and watch movies. I wouldn't say I'm one of those girls who were really strong and everybody wanted them on there team in gym, but I am stronger than most girls though I hardly ever use that strength (I can hardly do one push-up. Pathetic much?). And I swear quite profusely.

I was never the type of girl who would fuss over there makeup or hair or the clothes they're wearing. No, I usually just throw on some cloths, brush my hair, and forget the makeup. I have long, brown hair that is REALLY hard to keep picture perfect, so I gave up and now it's the ultimate frizz. It doesn't look _bad _though. So far almost everybody who _did_ fuss over such things have said that I needed a makeover (What the-?). You want to know what I say? Bull. I look fine just the way I am.

I am a BITCH for Pirates of the Caribbean. I am also a bitch for that guy named Jack Sparrow. I'm not crazy over him like some people are though. I don't constantly dream of getting sucked into the movie and fall in _love_ with the infamous captain of the Black Pearl. Nope, I usually dream of getting sucked into the movie, then kicking Norrington's ass. Unfortunately, that's impossible, seeing as I have no idea how to use any type of weapon (unless of course I use my fists, but then he would just get somebody to shoot me out of annoyance. Besides, he could probably just bitchslap me off of him). If I ever did get sucked into the movie, I'd die within a day.

To summarize all that, my life sucks. It could be worse though.

* * *

You know those days where everything seems to be going terrible? Like the day where that bitch in your homeroom "accidentally" put out her foot, and you tripped over it? The day where you decide that it would then be a good idea to punch her in the face (which is no great task by the way, a camel could be charging at her and she wouldn't even notice). And _then_ you two get in the most pathetic fist fight that ever existed? And _then _you get a two week suspension? Yeah, those days. I'm having one of those.

I'm also having trouble choosing whether or not I should eat, play _Medals of Honor _(which my sister borrowed from a friend), or watch a movie.

… I should eat before I watch a movie.

I walk into the kitchen to figure out what selection of junk food I decide to eat for lunch today. Hm… I'll just have some popcorn.

Once I'm absolutely certain the popcorn popper is working properly, I look around the house to see where my sister has gone off to. That's when I find a note by the phone.

_I'm at a friend's house. I won't be back until tomorrow._

_-Arianne_

I stare at the note for a few seconds. My sister is going to leave me to fend for myself? In this terrible neighborhood? How meaner could someone get?

I hate my sister. I should go start the movie.

Hmm… Not Shrek… Though I do love Donkey. No, not Final Fantasy Advent Children, I've watched that too much… Aha!

I pull out _Pirates of the Caribbean Curse of the Black Pearl_ from the shelf and pop it into DVD player, and watch as it loads up. I wait through the trailers, and I suddenly begin feel light headed. It seems as though fog is now intruding my amazingly cozy living room. Geez, I hope this place isn't soaking wet when I wake up. But then again, I don't think this is the time to be thinking about stuff like that.

The fog is definitely not regular fog, because it's starting to choke me. I'm sure that's not supposed to happen. I slowly feel consciousness slipping away from me…

Oh yeah, I panic.

In my panic-like state, I wave my hands in front of my face as if it would help clear the fog and let me see whoever is making me fall into a state of unconsciousness. That person is apparently very good at what he does, because in a few moments, I do in fact, faint.

* * *

I can only say one thing.

"Ow."

To those of you who are unable to understand that and are now scared, I am in much pain. Apparently, the Bastard who decided it would be fun to knock somebody out ALSO decided that I should be placed on a very hard surface to add to the pain that I'm already in. I try to move but that just results in more pain. I feel around with my hand, and figure out that what ever I'm laying on has straw strewn all over the floor. I didn't figure out much else though.

I hate the person who decided they wanted to make Ashley go nap.

After what seems to be an hour, I hear chains clinking together and people being pushed into… Well, I don't know, I only hear them bitching about it. I finally muster up the strength to put myself in a sitting position, and open my eyes. And I don't like what I see. You see, I happen to be in a cell. A rather uncomfortable looking cell. Of course, that explains the dull pain in my head. Every cell looks the same, and only two of them are holding prisoners. Mine and the one next to mine, which is holding four rather ragged looking people. I wonder why they look like they're gonna piss their pants…

'Your hanging will be held tomorrow.' Oh.

The guard looks over to me and put on a confused face. Then I hear him say something along the lines of 'when' and 'here'.

For the time being I'll just shove that into the back of my head. Right now I need to express the severity of my confusion.

'WHERE THE FUCK AM I?'

It's great to be me.

'Geez, lad, I woulda ne'er thought someone like you would use that kinda profanity!' one of the guys from the other cell tells me. In fact he kinda looks like that guy in _Pirates of the Cari-_

… Whoa.

I examine the place more closely and sure enough, it looks exactly like the cells in the movie. Cells lined up by one another, rack on the wall carrying weapons that I can only assume are the other prisoners', the dog with the keys cowering under the table, and even Captain Ja-

… Oh my God.

… Oh my _God_.

He's right _there. Jack Sparrow _is right _there_. Sure, he's either knocked out or pretending to be asleep, but seriously, who needs details?

Who said Christmas only comes once a year?

(Gasps) What is Ashley going to do to Jack? Will she poke him with a stick? Will she rape him? Will she leave him alone? Well, I guess you're going to have to keep reading!

Review please :)


	2. And Now You're a Pirate

WAT UP DAWG?

Yep, here's another chapter. This chappie is basically just a conversation between Ashley and Jack. I am hopefully going to have to say this once: There will be no JackOC in this. I'm actually still deciding whether or not they'll be good friends or if they will hate every fiber of the other's being. Maybe ya'll could help me with that? Take note that if Ashley is good friends with Jack, then she'll hate Will.

_Beat it - Fall Out Boy _GO LISTEN TO IT.

And please, please, _please_ review!

P.S. Yes, I got her last name from 'Once Upon a Time in Mexico' (it's so cool)

* * *

Yes, here I am stuck in a cell with Jack Sparrow, who has so gracefully been snoring for the past hour and a half. It just started getting dark so that means that I have at least two hours until our sweet prince wakes up. To pass the time I have successfully proved to the other prisoners that I am in fact a girl by taking down the not-so-good looking hat on top of my head and letting my hair down. Obviously I'm wearing men's clothes. I could be the female Will Turner, though that is a scary thought. And now I am trying to find some conversation in this predicament.

'So I was thinking, why are you he-?'

'I think it's quite obvious why we in 'ere!'

I haven't been succeeding.

No, those asses think I'm unworthy of talking to. They think they're more important than me. Little do they know that I know what they don't know. A way to get out of here. Unfortunately the only way for the plan to suffice is if I was somehow able to grow abnormally long arms, grab that bench, and break the door down using William Turner's Theory of Jail Breaking.

Don't think I'm absolutely content here. Oh no. No, Ashley has been sitting here about to pee in her pants knowing what's going to happen. You all know what I'm talking about. The fact that in less than three hours pirates will attack my little dream and that will determine whether I _am_ dreaming or not. If I wake up when the cell explodes then great. But if a piece of rock stabs itself into my brain, I will become very clear that I'm not sleeping.

I look around to see that the other guys are trying to get the keys from the dog with a bone. Very nice. Oh hey look Jack stopped snoring! That must mean that he's awake! Maybe I could…

I tip-toe over to Jack's hat, for the sole purpose of annoying him. I each out to take when his hand suddenly grabs mine to stop it.

'Don't touch my hat.'

He turns my hand over and lets it go, to let crawl me back to my little corner. I unsteadily keep an eye on him as I take a step back. 'Okay…'

'Some would think it was unwise to touch another pirate's hat.'

'Great.' I sit back down then continue. 'What do you mean "another pirate"'? I ask him.

He looks up at me and gives me a shameful look. 'You apparently aren't that smart. The proof is on your wrist.' I turn my wrist over and look. Sure enough, there's the branded 'P'. I can feel myself about to explode in confused laughter. Me. A pirate. That's rich.

'Thank you for that.'

We're quiet for a while, and Jack has gone back to pretending he's asleep. At this point I'm more anxious than ever.

'You can keep doing that forever, but the dog is never going to come.' he says to the other prisoners. Ah, he's so cool.

'Well, excuse us if we 'aven't resigned ourselves to gallows just yet!'

Jack smiles that amazingly mocking smile, and goes quiet.

'What's your name?'

I look around to see who's voice it was, and sure enough, Jack is staring right at me.

'Uh…' I look at him curiously, wondering if he was just kidding. Seeing as he hasn't said anything else, I'm guessing he wasn't. 'Ashley. Ashley Sands.' He mutters my name under his breath then sighs.

'And suppose a lass like you would have no idea how to break out of jail?'

'… No.' I lie. 'Besides, even if I did do you honestly think I could get passed those two guards up there?' I say, jutting my thumb in the direction of the stairs.

'You might not,' he takes off his hat, 'but I know I would.'

'Well, fuck you then. If I get a sword, I am so impaling you with it.'

'I bet you wouldn't. You don't have the will.'

'I bet I would…' I pause for moment. 'Not. By the way,' I continue. 'How did "Jack Sparrow" get locked up in jail?'

'It's "Captain" Jack Sparrow.' He retorts, obviously not surprised that I know his name, and also not so happy that he was knocked out by an old man.

'Ah… Apparently you weren't put here so gracefully then? You weren't too busy sword fighting with a handsome blacksmith were you?' I smirk and lay back on the wall.

'And, how would you know that?' Oh shit.

'P-people have been talking!' I stagger and frown. Thankfully he passes it off (THANK GOD) and stays quiet, but not before giving an odd look (I have a feeling I'm gonna get a lot of those).

'Ugh… Come on _Black Pearl_, it can't take you that long…' I mutter under my breath. I'm not kidding, too. It's either everybody onboard is fatter than they were in the movie and weighing the ship down, or Barbossa just wants to attack in the dead of night.

BOOM!!

Oh hey, look who it is!

BOOM!!

'It's the _Pearl_…'

I look up to see Jack staring out the window at where I assume the ship is. Wow, he looks serious…

'The _Black Pearl?_' says one of the prisoners.

'Yeah,' I say irritably. 'Y'know, the one with the black sails, ugly looking captain, and huge crew? Yeah, that thing is out there about to blow our heads off.'

'I've only 'eard stories. It's been preying on ships and settlements for near' ten years.' He turns to one of his friends (I think). 'Never leaves any survivors.'

I point at him and shout, 'PROVE IT!' I put my hand down. 'I always wanted to say that.' Prisoner #1 looks at me like "You're an idiot" but snaps his head up at Jack when he speaks up.

'No survivors? Then where do all the stories come from, I wonder?'

I look at Jack. He over analyzes things doesn't he?

'Hey, move over, would ya?' I ask and Jack willingly lets me see. Unfortunately I have to go on the tips of my toes to see. _Why must I be so short? _When I do finally see through the window I get a clear view of the _Pearl_. And, geez, that is one COOL-looking ship. 'Damn… What I would give to be on _that…_'

'It's something isn't it?' Jack asks me, obviously pleased with my reaction to his ship. And really the only thing I can do is nod. Honestly, that ship looks like it's been through hell and back (it probably has).

Hey, what's tha- OH SHIT.

I duck out of the way just in time to make sure my head isn't crushed by huge chunk of wall. I guess this is real.

Unfortunately, that also means that those dumb pirates get to threaten me too. Damn.

Then again… If this is real, then that means I might get to kick Norrington's ass!

'My sympathies friends. You've no manner of luck at all' Aaand there he goes leaving us behind to wallow in our own self pity.

Jack walks over to the hole in the wall. Aww… he looks so sad…

'Don't worry Jack. There's no way we're gonna die.'

He looks back at me, looking confused. 'And how do you guess that?'

'Well, you could start by trying to get that dog over here.'

He looks over at where the others left the bone, picks it up, and tries woo the dog into giving him the keys (does that sound odd?).

'Come on, doggy! It's just you and me, now. Just you and ol' Jack.' Uh-huh. For some reason unknown to me, the dog gets up and slowly walks toward Jack. 'That's it, doggy, come get the bone!' Wow, looks like Jack Sparrow can charm anything. The dog is still walking toward him. Or maybe it's going to Jack because he looks like Teague. 'Come here, you filthy, slimy, mangy cur…'

And unfortunately, right as the dog was in close enough range for Jack to grab the keys, there was a loud bang from up the stairs. Two guards come crashing down the stairs, dead, followed by Twigg and Koehlor. Those guys don't cut any slack do they?

'This ain't the armory!'

'Good job, Sherlock.' Then Koehlor notices us. Dammit, Ashley, you just don't know how to keep your mouth shut do you?

'Well, well look what we 'ave here, Twigg!' He sheathes his sword- 'It's _Captain _Jack Sparrow…' -then spits on him. Not nice.

'Yeah, last time I saw you, you were all alone, shrinking into the distance.' Twigg says mockingly. 'His fortunes aren't improved much.'

'Worry about your own fortunes, mate. The deepest circle of hell is reserved for betrayers and mutineers.' Jack explains. Koehlor suddenly gets mad and clenches Jack's neck. Doing so he puts his arm in the moonlight shining through the window, thus making his arm all… ew. 'So… There is a curse. That's interesting..'

'You know nothing of hell.' And he let go of his neck.

'Yeah, I'm sure Barbossa told all his children what it was like.' … Dang, they noticed me.

'Excuse me?' Oh crap. I don't think Koehlor appreciated that. 'Good ol' Jack never ceases to surprise me. He found a his own little whore!' Hell no.

You can call me a bitch. You can call me a liar. You can call the most ungrateful person in the world. You _cannot_ call me a whore and get away with all of your bones intact.

'EXCUSE ME!?' I shout from my spot. 'I'LL FREAKING KILL YOU!'

And ya wanna know what they do? Smirk and walk away.

I can already tell this is NOT going to be easy.

* * *

Fact: Calling me something along the lines of 'prostitute' will earn you a black eye at _least_.


	3. Moments of Epic

MWAHAHAHAHAHA I HAVE A NEW CHAPTER UP, FEAR ME.

Okey dokey, I'm not so proud of this chapter, but I haven't updated this in a while. I've been concentrating on my other story more. Speaking of other stories...

HAHA I HAVE AN ACCOUNT ON FICTIONPRESS _AND _A STORY, WOULD YOU ALL CARE TO CHECK IT OUT AND LEAVE A REVIEW PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE?

And while you're at it, leave a review on this story too, would ya? I have THREE reviews for this story. THREE.

* * *

I already HATE this place. There's no where comfy to lay down, and I didn't sleep AT ALL. And Jack… Oh god, he keeps SNORING. And he's not even ASLEEP.

'Dude, how annoying could somebody possibly get? Shut up, will ya?' I snap at the pirate who is snoring his ass off obviously trying to annoy me. I don't know why, though. Probably because he has nothing better to do. 'Geez, it's morning we'll be out of here in a jiffy.'

Said pirate perks up. 'And how are you so sure, love?'

'Well, one,' I continue. 'If you let me die, I'll kill you. So you better find a way out of here.' Jack flinches. 'And two, I highly doubt you'd let yourself die anyway. Jack Sparrow is immortal, isn't he?' I finish, with a roll of the eyes of course. You can never leave that out of a sentence when you're talking back to Jack Sparrow.

'What, do you have a bloody idea?' he retorts with a wave of his hands. 'Our situation doesn't look too bright right now, hun.'

'Well, you can be the knight in shining armor for this one. I'll just stay out of your way-'

'You! Sparrow!' Ah, if it isn't young Master Bloom!

'Eh?' Jack replies from his spot on the ground. Damn, I could swear he was supposed to be playing with the lock before this scene.

'You are familiar with the Black Pearl?'

Jack shifts around, apparently trying to get comfy. 'I've 'eard of it.'

I decide that this is my chance to get noticed. 'I've heard of it too, in case you need somebody with a real brain to speak with.'

'I might take you up on that offer…' Will adds, noticing that Jack has taken up on twiddling his fingers. He turns back to Jack. 'Where does it make berth?'

'Where does it make berth? Haven't you heard the stories?' Will sighs and turns to me.

'Where does it make berth?' he asks, obviously not in the mood for Jack's antics.

I imitate Will and sigh. 'Captain Barbossa and his crew of miscreants sail from the dreaded Isla de Muerta. It is an island that cannot be found except' -dramatic pause- 'by those who already know where it is.'

'The ship is real enough.' Wow, I had no idea. 'Therefore it's anchorage is a real place. Where is it?'

'Hey, man, I have no idea. Ask him!' I point to Jack who smiles at the fact that I can't answer Will's question.

'And why ask me?' he smirks.

'Because you're a pirate.' Will spits at him.

'And you want to turn pirate yourself, is that it?' Jack says. Why is it that this guy really knows how to get on people's nerves!?

Will looks at Jack threateningly. 'Never.' Jack nods and lies back down. With a pause Will understands what he needs to do to get Jack to help. 'They took Miss Swann.' he says quickly.

'Oh so it is that you found a girl. I see.' Jack gives Will a condescending look. 'Well, if you're intending to brave all, hasten to her rescue and so win the fair lady's heart,' his voice lowers. 'You're gonna have to do it alone, mate. I see no profit in it for me.'

Will gives me a hopeful look.

'Dude, if you can get me out of here, I swear I'll help you.'

Will looks to the ground sadly. Then he remembers something. 'I can get you out of here…'

'How's that, the keys 'ave run off.' Jack nods his head in the opposite direction of the stairs.

'I helped build these cells. These are half-pin barrel hinges.' The blacksmith picks up a nearby bench. 'With the right leverage, and the proper application of strength,' he props it up under the door, 'The door will lift free.' he finishes.

Jack gives Will a half impressed look and asks, 'What's your name?'

Will stops putting the bench in the correct position and looks up at Jack. 'Will Turner.'

'Ah… That would short for William, I imagine… good strong name…' Dramatic pause, once again… 'No doubt, named for your father, eh?' Ah, Jack, you sneaky little blighter.

'Yes…' You can tell Will's mind just went 'OMG GASP.'

'Well, then young Mister Turner,' Jack stands up to negotiate with Will and I do the same. 'If you spring me from this cell, I swear on pain of death, I shall take you to the Black Pearl and your bonny lass.'

'What he said.' I say simply.

'Agreed?'

Will hesitates for a moment. 'Agreed.'

'Agreed. Now get me out, before I sucker punch Jack in the face.'

Me and Jack stand back (ha-ha, that rhymes) and let Will turner use his little magic trick take place. Sure enough, once he presses down on the bench, the door lifts free. 'Hurry. Somebody would've heard that.'

'Not without my effects.'

While Jack and Will are having their conversation on, 'Well, you could'vebitch-slapped me to the side before, if you had been willing to use them.' I occupy myself by taking a looking at the weapons I've grabbed off the hook. Okey dokey, so I have a gun. Nothing too special, every pirate has to have a gun. My sword looks pretty awesome, but I'm sure I only think that because of my Magpie-like trait to like shiny things, and you can pretty much see your reflection in this sword. I'm examining my sword when I realize something.

Oh fuck, I have absolutely no idea how to use this thing.

I have a little panic attack as I look at the sheath of the sword skeptically. I turn the thing over when I notice a little note on the bottom of the sheath. I rip it off (TAPE!!) and read it.

_You already know how to use this. But you're not that good._

I'm gonna kill whoever sent me here.

* * *

'Y'know lad, you're not really fit for an adventure like this.'

'Shut up. I coming with you people.'

'No, you're not.'

'In your dreams, bitch.'

'Jack, just let her come, we'll need all the help we can get. And I imagine that help is going to be in short supply.'

Have any of you people tried to sneak out of jail and into a dock undetected? Well, if you haven't, don't try. It's not very easy. There's not enough nooks and crannies to hide in if anybody walks past, and Will is terrible at making conversation to people that might detect us. And Jack… Well, he's being Jack.

'Trust me, love, when one is doing something of this nature, the chances of dying are very high-'

'Must I repeat myself Jack? If you let me die, I'll kill you. Or I'll just haunt you, but either works.' I retort. WHY must I have to put up with him? Why can't this be like other self-insertions!

…

Okay, wait, that's just… Ew, no. Too much JackOC. I mean, I can deal with a little romance now and then, but it's amazing how much bullshit is in the pit right now.

((AN: Why does everybody drool over Jack Sparrow again? I mean, yeah, he's better looking than most people, but he's not THAT good looking…))

Right, back to our pathetic escape.

So right now, I think we're in the middle of town. That means we should be pretty close to where we wanna be. It really is terrifying what we have to sneak through though. This place… Complete and utter carnage. I don't think I've past a building that hasn't been damaged. And there are dead bodies… Dead bodies everywhere. Oh god, I even stepped on one… One of them was just a little kid too… And there was a baby. A freaking baby. She was somewhere in between six or eight months… There were people crying EVERYWHERE. Wherever you looked it was either destroyed building, dead body, or somebody crying.

And Jack… He acts like he doesn't even care. Like they're not even there.

And me? I'm on the verge of crying. Crying a lot. I've never seen a dead body before (not counting funerals), let alone a MANGLED dead body. Jesus Christ, one of them didn't even have a head! I suppose I'll have to get used to it, but I mean, any of those people could've been me, y'know? Geez, I would hate to be those soldiers right now. Carting off bodies isn't a job I'm fit for, and apparently, Will thinks the same. He looks more pale than sad right now, but it'll hit him sometime.

If it doesn't, I'll hit him myself. Or I'll just hit Jack.

Ugh, I hate reality.

'That's what your body would probably look like if you come with us, mate.' Jack says, pointing to a dead body. Ugh… His arm is cut off.

'Will you stop being such a jackass?' I snap at him. 'Not everybody is as scared as you think they are.'

'Unfortunately for you, love, you fall into the all too common category of a very scared, very weak human being.'

'Shut up. You're acting like you care about what happens to me.' I say, shoving his head a little with my thumb. I do that a lot. Some girl at school almost got into a fight with me because I did that. Unfortunately for her, flip-flops aren't very good weapons for kicking.

'I _don't_ care. But if you do die, then it'll be my fault.' he says smartly.

'Oh my gosh, _really_? I had _no_ idea!' I say with a mock gasp. 'Really, you can stop trying. I'm coming with you.' I add with a frown.

Jack just sighs and goes back to trying to sneak us into the docks. Okay… We're under that bridge now. So here comes…

'We're gonna steal a ship.' Will says to no one in particular. 'That ship?'

'Commandeer.' I correct him, wanting to make my presence as a pirate known. 'We're going to commandeer that ship. Nautical term.' I add once more. Suddenly Jack steps in front of me.

'And how did you know that we were going to steal that ship?' he asks suspiciously. I quickly try to find a reasonable answer.

'B-Because it's the only one not surrounded by Navy soldiers!' I try to say confidently. To my pleasure, Jack's smirk falls into a frown.

'I guess that would make sense.' he replies quickly. I don't smirk or laugh at him or anything because I don't want to come off as an ass. I highly doubt my relationship with Jack is going too well right now. He turns to get in front of Will this time. 'One question about your business, boy, or there's no use going. This girl. How far are you willing to go to save her?' he inquires.

'I'd die for her.' he replies, putting on a brave face.

'Oh good. No worries then.'

'So how are we gonna go about stealing this ship?' Will asks me. I give him the 'I don't know' look and turn to Jack, who was probably expecting me to not have any clue.

He makes us follow him onto the beach where several boats are and makes us get under it. Like how they did in the movie, of course. We wait a little for passing troops to leave the area, and we crawl to the water. Unlike in the movie, where they sink to the bottom, we stay afloat and use our feet to propel ourselves.

'Jack don't you think somebody's gonna notice a boat drifting off into the harbor? I mean it's not everyday you see an overturned boat in the water…' I say to Jack.

'Sands, last night this town was terrorized by pirates. Don't you think that today might be an exception?' he asks like it's obvious. It probably was. Dammit, why is this water so cold? I can't think straight! I give a little huff to confirm that he was right and, satisfied, Jack turns back to navigating our mighty vessel. After about fifteen minutes we could see the hull of a ship to the front of us.

At this we dive into the water and get closer to the ship and resurface. That's when we realize a problem.

'Jack, how exactly are we going to get up there!?' Will asks frustrated. Jack gives him a frown and looks around the ship. He smiles when he spots a rope and with a roll of the eyes, Will and I swim over and climb the rope. Man, it's like these guys WANT us to steal their ship.

Once we climb up to the top, Jack immediately shouts out to the crew.

'Everybody stay calm, we are taking over the ship!'

'Ay - Umph!' Yep, that was me slapping my hand over Will's mouth. It'll save him a lot of trouble. Hey who's that-

Ew, It's Gillette. I never really liked him, especially because of his pompous attitude.

'This ship cannot be crewed by two men. You'll never make it out of the bay. Especially with a somebody like _her_ slowing you down.' HOLY SHIT IS HE GOING DOWN.

'Hey dude,' I walk over to Gillette (shaving cream), put my arm around his shoulders, and look up at him. 'Watch me.' I say cocking my gun.

* * *

I was proud to know that the boat drifting off was there because of me. I had never threatened somebody to that extent before! Though next time, I'll try doing it without threatening him with death.

'Are you a pirate?' Will asks me quite suddenly.

'Well, duh. Of course I am. I would've thought that was obvious by now.'

'Hmm… You don't act like one. You're a lot nicer than what I imagined pirates to be.' he tells me over the shouts of 'Sparrow, Turner, and some girl are taking the Dauntless!' Aww… It's nice to know somebody wants to be friends. I have the slightest suspicion that Jack and Will are going to turn out a lot more differently than they were in the movie. I'm not seeing any changes so far, though. Except for maybe Jack treating me like a pregnant cow that's dying. It's probably just because I wasn't actually in the movie though.

'Well… I kinda got branded a pirate on accident so…' Wow. It's odd to know that I'm not lying.

'And why exactly do you want to come? Jack is telling the truth when he says that there will be a lot of danger.' he points out.

'Where did the sudden wave concern come from?' I snap. 'Besides, who are you to tell me what to do? You don't even know my name!' I exclaim (well, I guess he knows my last name), but I still try to make sure that Jack can't hear. He'd probably use this conversation against me in Tortuga. I'm pretty sure Jack would somehow try to leave me there when I wasn't paying attention.

'Fine then, what is your name?' I'm about to answer him when I see the Interceptor sailing out of the dock. Time for a moment of epic-ness!

'Sands.' Cock of gun (again). 'Ashley Sands.'

Confused by my completely unnecessary introduction, dear William follows my gaze to the huge ship that's sailing our way. Obviously worried about having to escape an entire Navy crew, he runs up to Jack at the helm.

'They're coming.'

As much as I hate to admit it right now, Jack Sparrow has the coolest mischievous smile ever. EVER.

'Oy! Sands, get over here!' Jack shouts out to me. I run over to him and he tells us the plan. Completely the same as in the movie as expected. Unfortunately, I highly doubt that one hundred sailors and soldiers are not going to look behind a few barrels. 'Oh, and one more thing,' he adds. 'Don't fall into the water.' Dammit, how is it that he knows exactly how strong I am!?

I snarl at him and walk over to the railing where I can see Norringtonlooking through his telescope. Having the oddest suspicion that he's looking at me (in fact I think he just mouthed out 'Who's she?'), I waveat him and give the thumbs up sign. I can tell he just lowered his telescope, but I think he might've just shook his head. Y'know, in the what-an-idiot way. I shake my head as well and look around the ship, seeing as this is probably the last time I'll be on here for a while. Unless I somehow get Barbossa pissed off enough to get marooned on an island.

Okay… Let's get all this shit cleared up before I do something stupid.

I was somehow magically transported into a movie right at the moment I was thinking, 'Oh, man, y'know it would be really cool to be a pirate, and now I am a pirate. I was somehow thrown into jail for what reason, I have no idea, and now not only am I breaking out of jail, I'm stealing a fucking ship with the help of Jack Sparrow and Will Turner, the former not really liking the idea of me tagging along. I will now journey to Tortuga with these fellers, and I quite hopefully won't get raped.

… Yeah, that seems about right.

'Okay, time to hide, lad.' I suddenly feel Jack tug me over, and into a barrel.

Never woulda thought of that.

Anyway, putting my stupid worries aside, I crouch down as low as I can into the barrel hoping to the Lord all mighty that the invading soldiers don't see me. To my delight, not only do they not see me, one of them drops one of them swinging ropes into my hideout. With this new rope at my disposal, I grab onto it, quickly get out of the barrel, and jump off the ship and touch down on the railing of the Interceptor.

I promptly trip and fall on the deck. Oh well, my moments of epic are done, I suppose.

I stand up and brush the dust off of my shirt. I turn around at the sound of a thump, and see Mr. Turner elegantly touching down on the deck. So much for being the female version of Will Turner. I quickly see Jack do the same as well. At least I didn't fall into the water…

I curse Jack when he gives me the I-told-you-so look, and listen to Norrington's shouts to his crew.

'Thank you Commodore for getting us ready to make way! We would've had a hard time of it by ourselves!' The only thing that could make this moment cooler is if there was music. We duck when the soldiers start shooting at us, and I have the oddest feeling that I'm gonna be shot at a lot.

'Oh and have a good time with that rudder!' I shout to Norrington once they stop shooting. I see him frown and turn to listen to the dude who's trying to steer the ship. Norrington turns back to his original position just in time to see Gillette (shaving cream) and his crew diving off of their now crushed boat. He looks back at me and snarls while the person behind him (I forget his name) says something.

Ah, I love it when I win.


	4. Tortuga is the Bonding Island

Ah, yes, another chapter of my second self-insertion.

WEEEEEEELL, nothing much to say about this chapter. It's the first half of Tortuga, because I refuse to believe that The first movie happened in the stretch of under five days, plus, I need to get things rollin' with the character development. Jack is so hard to write. I just want to let everyone know that he's NOT going to be all SEX SEX ROMP ROMP CALL WILL A EUNUCH. I try to make the chapters shorter than I do in other stories because to make a decent sized story, I'm gonna have to split up these chapters. Pirates of the Carribean is so SHORT, agh XD

HEY HEY GUYZ, I HAVE A PICTURE OF MYSELF UP ON DEVIANTART. I set it as my homepage on my profile, so if you want to know what your dear author looks like, go ahead and check that out. Yes, I look young and yes, I think I look ugly. Because everybody thinks they look ugly XP It's abit close up so if you see some pimples, dammit, don't say I didn't warn you.

**Fun Facts  
**Helsayx is THE biggest WWE fan EVER (Shawn Michaels' theme is AWESOME. Go look it up. Now)  
Les Miserables is one of the best movies I've seen (Geoffrey Rush is in it, haha)  
Orlando Bloom broke his back falling off of his two-story-high roof (what the hell was he doing on the roof?)  
Helsayx loves The Packers (Brett Favre made a fool of himself)  
Helsayx thinks David Blaine is stupid (GO CRISS ANGEL)

Reviews mean Love.

* * *

A bed.

Not exactly what I'm used to. But it's a bed.

'I'm not moving from here.'

'Get up, Sands. William and I are not doing all the work for you.'

'Yes, you are. I'm SLEEPING.'

'I don't care. I am captain and you will do as I say.'

'Jack, this is the first opportunity I've gotten in three days to sleep. I'm RESTING, dammit.'

'Get up.' Jack says venomously from his spot at the doorframe, and I finally give up.

'Fine.' I spit at him, and I stomp out of the room, following said captain's orders. With a smirk, he follows me up to the deck and begins tying things and pulling things and yada yada yada. Will seems to be helping but it kinda looks like-

'Hey Will! You're gonna fall from up there!' I shout up at him, seeing as he's up on the rope ladder thing on the side of the ship. With the boat swinging back and forth like this, you'd think he'd fall at any minute.

'I'm fine! I'm not weak like you!' He shouts back at me playfully, and I respond by sticking my tongue out at him. Because I'm immature like that.

'Lass, I think you'd be more helpful if you weren't standing around looking at things.' Jack says from behind me, slapping a hand on my shoulder.

'Shut up Jack.' I retort, and simply climb up the ladder to the crow's nest.

Looking out to sea really was as nice as people make it out to be. It wasn't a mirror or anything, but merely a bunch of water. The most simple concept ever.

Nothing much to say about the sea. That's why I like it. There's nothing really interesting to say about me either. No one is really like you, nobody really minds you except a few pompous idiots who have a problem with everything. Solid colors are your favorite, you're unforgiving, and all that good jazz. Yeah, I suppose the sea and I have a lot of things in common.

Now if only I got Jack to love me… Ah, well. I'm screwed in that department.

You know that feeling you get when you become the new kid in the school? The feeling where you think that everybody is looking at you (in the what-a-retard way)? Yeah, I have that feeling. I've always heard that women didn't much say in anything back in the day, but this is ridiculous. Jesus, the looks that Will are giving me…

Hey, hey, Will! Isn't it quite OBVIOUS at this point that I don't have a sense of propriety or whatever the hell it is these days?

And Jack… Well, I think it a little too obvious how he feels about me. Annoying-little-brat-who-always-get-what-she-wants is probably what's going through his mind. Or maybe he thinks I'm an arrogant prick (that's probably it). What is it that I did to these people that made them hate me so much? I didn't do anything! I'm just an innocent bystander who was reluctantly sucked into a movie! I suppose existing wouldn't be a reason for people to hate me, eh?

… Or is it?

Well, let's see. I can't exactly say I look like the type to be unusually strong, mostly because I'm not. I guess I really annoyed Jack (Y'know what, fuck him he's a jackass). There's no reason for me to be here. I was never supposed to exist here, I was never supposed to meet these people, and they know that I have no real purpose in this world, and maybe they even know that I'm just an obstacle. Something to slow them down. As for Will… Well, I don't know, I guess it's just because I'm a girl. Screw you Will, you suck.

Maybe I'm just a stupid little girl who somehow tagged along. I'm only thirteen anyhow.

Elizabeth obviously has a reason to be here. She's the whole damn reason this all started (stupid Elizabeth started this whole thing because of a damn DREAM). Will is her knight in shining armor. Jack is the dumb squire I suppose, and I'm pretty sure Barbossa is the evil king or something. So what am I? Their maid?

Maybe.

Maybe I'm just the stupid little girl who knows EVERYTHING that's gonna happen.

I suddenly hear somebody unsheathing their swords. Must be Showtime.

'My father was not a pirate.'

They start arguing. They through remarks at each other, all of which I have memorized. I quickly climb down the ladder just in time to hear Jack's witty remark.

'Then that's not much incentive to fight fair then, is it?' Jack replies.

One, two, WHAM.

It almost like watching a cartoon. Jack rapidly turns the wheel, and Will go soaring backwards off the deck, and you're almost expecting to see the air being knocked out of him. For a moment he looks like he's gonna have a brain hemorrhage.

'If I may add my un-professional opinion right here,' I say stealing a line from our (not-so) favorite pirate captain. 'I'd tell you to shut up and listen, because right now Jack has the perfect opportunity to completely destroy your ego.'

'My sentiments exactly.' Jack replies, picking up Will's sword which he dropped. 'As long as you're just hanging there, I suppose you do what she says. The only rules that matter are these.

'What a man can do, and what a man can't do.' Jack continues in his epic British accent. It's amazing what things Johnny Depp can pull off.

'For example,' I exclaim, wanting to say something that I always wanted to be in the movie. 'Things I could do. Jump off this ship and die, be useless, and I could do Jack and you,' I say pointing to the men in turn. 'Things that you can't do is mostly the only things you want. Right now you are incapable of saying anything smart, you can't do anything to help yourself, and most of all you can't do Elizabeth, which is probably what you want the most. So yeah. Jack's turn.' I say, as if I was passing down the Olympic Torch. Jack gives me a disgusted look (probably because of that one comment in there about him) and turns to Will.

'For instance,' Jack continues, not liking the fact that I interrupted his lecture. 'You can accept that your father was a pirate, and a good man,'he says, pausing for a moment. 'Or you can't. Pirate is in your blood boy, and you'll have to square with that someday.' Will just keeps glaring at Jack. 'Me for example. I can let you drown. But I can't sail this ship into Tortuga all by me onsie, savvy? So,' he spins the wheel the opposite way he did before, which sends Will sprawling down on the deck. 'Can you sail under the command of a pirate?' He flips the swords in his hand so the handle is facing Will, who seems to be registering what Jack is saying. 'Or can you not?'

Will cautiously takes the sword and asks, 'Tortuga?'

'Tortuga.' Jack smirks while I help Will up.

'Y'see Will, Tortuga is your one stop shop for all your pirating needs.' I add. 'Now if you gentlemen don't mind, I'm going back to sleep.'

* * *

There are some days where you just wanna pop open your DS and play a good few rounds of Phoenix Wright. There are some days where you just wanna kill the people you're hangin' out with.

Let's just say I'm not in the mood to play lawyer games.

'Sands, carry this bucket of water for me, will ya?' Jack commands and shoves a bucket into my hands.

'Yes, your majesty.' I reply with as much hate as I can muster.

'That's the spirit!' He turns to Will. 'More importantly, it is indeed a sad life that has never breathed deep the sweet, proliferous bouquet that is Tortuga, savvy?'

'Jack, I think it's a sad life if it has breathed in a scent like this.' I mumble, covering my nose with my free hand.

'I agree.' Will says.

'I tell ya mate, if every town in the world were like this one, no one would ever feel unwanted.' Jack comments. He spots a red-haired prostitute and walks over to her. 'Scarlett!' And I'm sure you know what happens after that.

'Not sure I deserved that.' he grumbles.

'No, Jack. Of course you didn't.' I sarspasm (hah, I made a word). Jack sticks his tongue out at me and looks back in front of him to find another prostitute. Not betting any money on who she is.

'Giselle!'

'Who was she?'

'What?'

Only God and a few of the local bartenders know what happened between these two unfortunate souls. Was there love?

'Well, I suppose it would be time to go to a vicinity that would have less chance of Jack getting slapped. Which way, Ding-Dong?' I ask the man.

The shamed pirate frowns at me in response to his new nickname. 'The only thing you shall be calling me is Captain, Sands.' He thinks for a moment. 'And "Your majesty".'

'Yeah, sure, whatever. Which way?'

'Follow me, mates. You see, being a pirate is hard work-'

'Yes, I suppose getting drunk is just exhausting.'

'Be quiet Sands, I'm talking. Anyways, being captain of a ship, I will need a crew to share all the hard work with.'

'You mean shove all the work onto.' Will injects.

'Well, I suppose, if that's how you want to put it. You see, it just so happens, that you know the man who knows the man who knows all the finest sailors in Tortuga, savvy?'

'Where do we find this man?' he asks.

'Right here.' We stop at a little shack on the outskirts of town. Or, it might as well be, because the loud ruckus of the town can be heard as if it were far off. Pigs littered the ground and in the middle of them- yep- you guessed it- Joshamee Gibson. Or Gibbs. Whatever, it a weird name anyway.

'Give us the buckets Sands.' Jack commands. Not finding any reason to disobey him I do as told and he promptly splashes the contents on the filthy man before us.

'Curse ya for breathing ya slack-jawed idiot!' Gibbs splutters, taking out a knife that he had hidden under his jacket. He realizes just who was standing in front of him and anger turns to happiness on his face. 'Jack! You know better than to wake a man when he's sleeping. It's bad luck!'

'Ah, fortunately I know how to counter it.' Jack says, starting toward the other man. 'The man who did the waking buys the man a drink. The man drinks it while listening to a proposition from the man who did the waking.' he finishes, flashing a smile.

Gibbs thinks for a moment and it finally registers. 'Aye, that'll about do it!' He stands up and Will splashes another bucket of water on the very much awaken man. He spits out some water. 'Blast, I'm already awake!'

'That was for the smell.' William says in defense. Gibbs makes the, 'Oh well, I suppose that's a good point.' face.

'I'm Ashley.' I say like a little school girl. 'I'm the annoying bitch that's going to be accompanying you lot today!' Ah, the enthusiasm.

'Your not a prostitute are you?' the future first mate asks me.

'Excuse me?' I growl.

'I'll take that as a no. Gibbs.' He introduces.

'Enchanté. Now I never thought I'd say this to a pirate, but would you mind leading us to the nearest bar?' I ask.

He does as asked and leads us to the local bar where Jack keeps his promise to buy drinks for the men (an offer that I politely turn down). He shoos me away and tells Will to keep a look out. When those two things come together, it can only mean one thing.

Bonding time. _James_ Bonding time.

Dammit, Ashley, stop it, that doesn't even sound right.

'How did you become a pirate?' The young blacksmith asks me.

Not wanting to have to make up an entire story I counter. 'Don't you think that's a little rude?'

'Assuming from your small act of propriety right there, I'll suppose that it wasn't your fault.' he says smartly.

'Hah. That's an understatement.' I say remembering the very moment I was sucked into this mess. Goddamit, it was like breathing COTTON that day.

'You don't come from around here, don't you?' he presses.

'Nah, I'm from America. Or whatever they call it these days.' I reply.

'Did you live with your family?'

'Yep. One bro one sister. Both parents and my grandma. I'm the youngest.' Which sucks by the way. The chorus of things your siblings want you to do is endless.

'Were you a wealthy family?'

'Tch. Far from it. We had enough to get by, but I'd never want to be rich like your girl Elizabeth.' At this Will looks a little offended. 'Don't take it so seriously man, that's probably what got you in this mess.' Totally not true.

'It's not my fault that she's gone. It'll be my fault if she dies.' he says sadly, and I have the sudden urge to give him a hug. Must… not… hug… him. Might… mess up… storyline. ARGH, dammit, I wanna go HOME.

'Dude, I highly doubt she'd let herself be murdered. I mean, come on, she's probably still a virgin!'

'What do you mean, probably?' He looks at me harshly.

'There you go being so serious and all. You got to start letting go man, do what you want to do.'

'You sound like you don't care about what the future holds for you..'

'I never said that.' I glare at him. 'I don't have to anyway, people won't always think about you the way you want them to. It depends on whether or not they're stupid enough to be influenced by the laws of society.'

'Those laws are put there for a reason. To uphold the peace.' Will counters.

'Yes, I suppose letting women wear pants would be a catastrophe.'

'I didn't mean it like that.' Will says quietly. 'I don't like pirates. They take what other people have worked for. They kill. They make others miserable just because they can. It's not fair.'

Had I been an immature five-year-old, I probably would've told him to shut up and drink his piss, but I'm not. I understand what he talking about, and how he seems to not like it. He absolutely right, and when you look at things in a rational way, it's almost logical. Y'see, pirates are like 17 century gangsters. Now think about how you always thought gangsters were in our time. That's what all of these people like Will feel about pirates. Truth be told, if Pirates of the Caribbean didn't exist, we would all probably think that they were totally uncool, dirty people. Unfortunately, Pirates of the Caribbean does exist, and we are forced to believe that among those people there were some kind ones.

'Life isn't fair. Trust me.' Because it was TOTALLY fair when I got sucked into a movie. 'I'm a pirate now. I don't want to be a pirate. I don't want to be viewed as mean or pathetic. I don't want to be stared at for not being normal, I don't want to be normal. I don't want to be dirty. All I want is a fucking bath!' I grumble. Will looks at me curiously. I think he's interested by my reasoning. Or maybe I just look really yummy. Nah, I'm too dirty to look tasty. It probably the reasoning (or seasoning).

'What was your crime?' he repeats. You can tell he doesn't want to pry, but there are some questions you just can't stop yourself from asking.

'For being poor, and needing money.' I lie through my teeth. He watches me for a second: I think he's waiting for me to elaborate. When he doesn't get any more answers he doesn't press me and starts to listen in on Jack's conversation. Which has almost ended. Damn, me and my rambling.

'Take what you can!'

'Give nothing back!'

Ah, shit, Will didn't hear the thing about Jack using him as leverage. Dammit, I am really fucking up the storyline aren't I? Damn, now I have to find a way to knock out Jack. That's not gonna be easy.

'Oi, Sands, get up, we're leaving. We'll sleep on the ship tonight.' Jack says coming up from behind me.

'Good, 'cause I'm not sleeping in an inn.' I state. Jack just smiles politely.

'I could make you sleep there if I wanted to.' he said.

'Yeah, and I could shove a sword up your ass, but I won't.' I say.

'You amuse me, Sands.'

'Shut up, Jack.'

* * *

Hah, Gibbs thought Ashley was a prostitute. Oh well, I guess we all make mistakes.

Leave dear Helsayx a review. It makes her happy and you get a cookie. And maybe a hug.


	5. Because I'm STUPID

I'malivelolz.

So here's the last half of Tortuga. Not very Tortuga-ish, but it's set in Tortuga... So yeah. Logic.

Writer's block is over, meaning that there will be more frequent update for this story. Hope full I'll be on the next movie by March or maybe even February (BIRTHDAY OH NO-). It's been a year since I started my other story, and I have NINE chapters in it. 'Cause I'm lame.

You're all allowed to brick me for the utter crappiness of the first to chapters. I was looking at all my stories the other day, and I was all 'Man, these chapters suck XD'

BIG JACK/ASHLEY MOMENT IN THIS CHAPTER YAYYYYYYY?

Not much left to say except for LEAVE A REVIEW PPLS :P

* * *

'Sixty-six bottles of rum on the wall, sixty-six bottles of rum! Knock one down, pass it around, sixty-five bottles-'

'Sands, I hate to break to you kid, but ya sound like a screeching cat.' Jack snaps, shutting me up. I give him my usual childish retort and stick my tongue out at him, returning to a book I found on the East India Trading Company. Jack is doing his final captain-ish duties for the night, and Will is... I don't what he's doing actually, he went below deck. He's probably crying over a drawing of Elizabeth or somethin'. It's around one o'clock, and armed with a new, slightly made up song and a book, I've decided to stay up tonight. In the hopes of not getting raped. In reality it's actually quite easy for me to stay up a night and the next day, but once night hits again, I'm out like a light. But once that happens, it'll be terrifyingly stormy, and I wouldn't want to stay up anyways.

You gotta wonder what it's like for Elizabeth right now. She's not exactly my favorite character, but you gotta pity her.

Here's a nifty piece of info I had found out about an hour ago. Y'see, Jack has a few... _rules. _About drinking mostly, if he had rules about anything else, he wouldn't exactly be a pirate. Anyway, one of these rules restricts him from drinking when he has to do every chore on board, _alone, _where it would be highly possible for him, to say, fall off the side of his currently occupied ship, drown, allow a thirteen-year-old girl and her befriended blacksmith to shove off with said ship, make fools of themselves, die, and destroy any chance of him getting back at his former first-mate and/or regaining his beloved ship. Now seeing as this rule is being taken _very_ seriously by both parties, Jack hasn't drank anything since Gibbs shoved off to do some stuff. This has resulted in him being very grumpy, very tired, and very annoyed by my cat-scratch voice.

In short, I am amused and highly satisfied.

Seeing as The Interceptor is a navy ship, I wasn't surprised when I found a bath. I was in fact, very happy and shoved myself into it (stop thinking dirty) faster than I thought physically possible. They say that you don't know what you have until it's gone. It suddenly dawned on me how true that was.

Aaaaaanyway, this book here says that Beckett's Great-Great-Great-Grandpa founded the company. He must be pretty damn old. Or dead for that matter.

_The East India Trading Company has always been concerned with the safety of the world it was placed in. Every threat against The Company is considered a threat to Great Britain and The King himself. The Company's high status has given it the authority to arrest and execute criminals._

... It's seems Beckett's family didn't waste any time making an influence. Dude, it's original purpose was to monitor trade in India and now it's practically taken over the world. They even get their name capitalized!

'What's that?' Will asks casually, coming up from behind me. A look at him for a moment. He looks like crap.

'Some book on The East India Trading Company. Apparently they own the world.'

'Not all of it.' he corrects. 'They haven't stretched as far as the Caribbean. Not yet anyway.' He says with dislike in his voice.

'Damn. They sound like The Yakuza.' I mumble. 'What they do?

'They prance around in their mansions drinking tea. What d'you _think _they do?' Jack interrupts, obviously annoyed about how I have no idea about ANYTHING. Geez, gimme a break, Jack. He ties up another rope and turns to me once again. 'Isn't it your bedtime?' He asks irritably.

'I'm a big girl now Jack. I can go to sleep when I want to.' I frown when I hear Will say something about 'wanted to sleep before'. 'Where's Gibbs?' I ask randomly.

'Finding a much needed crew.' Jack grumbles something about 'too much damn work.' That what you get, you stupid bastard. 'That's it. I'm done. Sands, go get something to drink.'

'What are the magic words?'

'_Shut up _and get me something to drink before I throw you overboard.'

'Okey dokey. Where's the cellar?' I ask, not doubting his ability to snatch me up and chuck me out of his life.

'Two levels below deck. Go fetch, _dog_.' He smirks. Bastard.

'You can drop dead now.' I sigh, and turn to 'fetch' his drink. I highly doubt it'll be rum, though. This, again, IS a navy ship. According to Elizabeth, rum is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. So fuck you, Jack, you get scotch this time.

I open the door/piece of wood that leads to the cellar. A horrible stench greets me as I hesitantly enter the dismal room. I try to ignore it as I search for a bottle full of some alcoholic drink. I move a barrel and I'm suddenly met with the most disgusting thing I've had the misfortune to behold. A dead DOG is lying decayed on the floor with a puddle full of _something _around it. I shriek and fall to the floor. My disgust is suddenly replaced with annoyance when I hear a roar of laughter from on deck. Seriously. ON DECK.

Needless to say, I'm going to have to kill Jack. Destroy him. Crush his SOUL.

Trying not to give him the satisfaction he wants, I grab a bottle of what hopefully contains alcohol, trudge up the stairs, and stomp over to the bastard pirate.

'Here's your drink, you disgusting retard.' I growl.

He simply stares at the bottle. 'That's odd.' he says. 'I feel thirsty.'

And then he pulls out a bottle of rum from inside his coat and starts to drink.

I almost punched him. _Almost._

_'_I'm sorry, Jack. _How _again is that supposed to be funny? And Will, did you know anything about that!?' I glare, and the blacksmith holds his hands up to show he was completely innocent. Jack on the other hand...

'I'm sorry Sands, but I find your misfortune extremely entertaining.'

'Don't blame me when that poor innocent dog's soul comes back to haunt you for the rest of your life, you asshole.'

'That's not very good language for a young lady such as yourself, Sands.' He wags a finger in my face. I roll my eyes and give him a shove in which he just keeps smirking.

'I _will _get you back. It's inevitable.'

I scowled at him on last time and decided it would be best if I just turned in for the night. I trudge down the stairs once more in to my room, and throw my boots in some random corner. Taking off my vest, I plop myself down in the straw bed and stare at the ceiling for hours.

I could hear Will and Jack walking up on deck. Well, actually one of them was stomping (probably Jack, just to annoy me). I drifted in and out of sleep, dreaming of keys and krakens and the pirate brethren. Even in my sleep, I couldn't stop worrying about the things to come. I guess I sorta just realized... This isn't a movie anymore, and anything could go wrong. I could die, Jack could die, WILL could die (which would be pretty catastrophic), hell, NORRINGTON could die and that would be very bad.

Maybe that was why I was put here. To make sure that everything went the way it was supposed to go.

How long sat there, I cannot say. What I CAN mention is the fact that I was snapped out of my thoughts by a certain bastard pirate bursting in through the door to my room and promptly sitting down on my bed.

'Rise 'n' shine, sweetheart! It's a new day, and Gibbs has a crew.' He pats my head and continues. 'We have to make sure they know that you'll be the boss of them every once in a while, so 'urry it up!' he says, and shoves a biscuit into my mouth.

'Dud dis mead I ipotant?' I ask through a stuffed mouth. Jack gives me a questioning look. I swallow and repeat. 'Does this mean I'm important?'

''F course it does! Yer the one who struck the deal with Turner!'

'Oh yeah. Well, I'm flattered Jack, really, I am. Now, I never thought I'd ever have to say this, but get outta my bed.' He pats my head one more time and leaves. Once I was fully dressed (and had finished my biscuit) I went up on deck to find nobody there. I look to my side and find Jack and Will surveying a line of dirty looking pirates who I definitely remember from the movie. I catch up to the two men and I'm greeted by Gibbs.

'So Jack, is this your very capable, very responsible, very trustworthy crew?' I ask sarcastically, eyeing one of the more drunk looking members of our newly found crew.

'No to the last, Sands, but otherwise they seem like a dependable lot.' Jack answers.

All four of us walk down the line of pirates. 'Feast yer eyes, Cap'n. All of them, faithful before the mast, every man worth his salt,' -we stop for a moment to look down at Marty- 'and crazy t' boot.'

'_This _is your able bodied crew?' Will asks skeptically. Jack keeps walking and stops at Cotton.

'You. Sailor.'

'Cotton, sir.'

'Mr. Cotton. Do you have the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and almost certain death?' The captain asks Cotton in one breath. 'Cotton! Answer man!'

'He's a mute, sir.' Gibbs intervenes. 'Poor devil had his tongue cut out. So 'e trained the parrot to talk for 'im. ...No one's yet figured how.' Jack makes odd wiggling movements with his tongue in disgust.

'Did they catch the guy who did it?' I ask curiously.

'Aye. They caught 'im. They caught 'im good.' Gibbs stares off as if he was trying to remember something gruesome. 'Let's just say that he's never gonna have kids.' I nod understandingly with a disturbed look on my face. Pirates these days.

'Mr. Cotton's... parrot. Same question.'

'Rawk! Wind in the sails! Wind in the sails!' the parrot answers.

'... Mostly we figure that means yes.' Gibbs clarifies.

'Of course it does.' Jack turns back to William. 'There. Satisfied?'

'Well, you've proved they're _mad._'

'And what's the benefit for us?!'

We all jump and look to where the voice had come from. Jack hesitantly walk up to the person who had spoken and takes their hat off, revealing the person to be a woman. A very _familiar _woman, I might add.

'Anamaria.'

CRACK.

Well, you get the picture.

'I suppose you didn't deserve that one either?' Will inquires, sounding a bit sarcastic.

'No, that one I deserved.' Behind him, the crazy lady nodded.

'You stole my boat!' she shouted.

'Actually-'

CRACK.

'Borrowed! Borrowed without permission, but with every intention of bringing it back.'

'But you DIDN'T!'

Jack thinks for a moment and smiles when an idea comes to him. 'You'll get another one!'

She points an accusing finger at him. 'I will.'

'A better one.' I add when Will decides to be quiet for once.

'A better one!' Jack repeats.

'That one.' I point to _The Interceptor._

'That one?!' Jack repeats once more, but turning to face me completely.

'That one. What say you?' I ask Anamaria.

'Aye!'

'AYE!'

'Why Sands? Why will we be giving her that ship?' Jack asked with puppy dog eyes. I grabbed his arm and pulled him away from Will.

'Because if we don't give her _that _ship we're gonna have to give her the _next _ship that comes into our possession.' I whisper. This statement gains me the most suspicious look I've seen Jack use.

'How did you know that I was going to take _The Pearl_?' he eyes me down.

I swallow and try to answer as quick as I can without sounding unbelievable. I stare at my feet and answer him. 'I... uh.... I heard you and Gibbs talking. A-about the Pearl, I mean.' I look back up at him to find that he's still glaring at me.

I wait for him to accept my excuse and run back to _The Interceptor, _but instead, he stays put and gives me an even harder glare. No, really, his expression just went from suspicious to really damn scary.

'You,' He snatches up my arm and pulls down the sleeve to reveal the "P" that had appeared on my skin, 'are a branded pirate, meaning that you've been accused of piracy by The East India Trading Company. Now here's where this all gets confusing.

'One, there's no redness around your brand, meaning that it's been there for quite a long time, and yet you know almost nothing about being a pirate, or being on a ship for that matter.' He let's go of my arm and continues. 'Two, you were to far away to hear what me and Gibbs were talking about, therefore you knew about my plan before hand. How you knew about that, I've no idea.' I turn my head a little to find that Will had stalked off about ten feet and was now talking to a random crew member.

'Three, you knew about Barbossa _and his crew of miscreants, _you seemed to know about the importance of William Turner's name, and you knew about our plan to escape before I ever mentioned the fact that we were even going to steal a bloody ship-'

I welcomed this chance to slip from under his line of absolute logic. 'I already told you, Jack. I guessed that because it was the only-'

'Nobody in there right mind woulda guessed that we were going to steal a ship that was a hundred feet from the dock.' he counters before I even finish my sentence. 'You also knew about the rudder chain, even though you were too busy fooling around with Turner to notice that I had done anything with it.' I turned my head knowing that Jack was about to put the last nail in my coffin. 'And, four, when The East India Trading Company brands somebody, _they put them in jail._ They are surrounded by _guards. _They are _hung. _I, for one, know that you could never, no matter how hard you tried, break out of a jail all by yourself.' I was a little afraid to look up, but I did anyway. I immediately regretted it.

He was staring down at me damn hard.

'I've come to a few conclusions. One, you could be working for The East India Trading Company, and I'll be forced to kill you right here and now.

'This I know for a fact is not true. 'E may be a pompous git, but Cutler Beckett isn't stupid enough to hire a thirteen year old moron.'

I opened my mouth to retaliate, but nothing came out. I was at a loss for words, and I had a feeling this conversation was going the wrong way. Y'know. JUST A TAD BIT.

'Two... you could be a psychic.'

THIS is where I let out a snort of laughter. Me? Psychic? That's insane.

'This, obviously, is self-explanatory and not possible. Which leaves me to my third and final conclusion.' He pauses leaving me in a really awkward position.

'That would be...?' I ask in barely more than a whisper.

'You're making too many mistakes, Sands. You can no longer be trusted on my ship, and if you didn't get that, it means that I'm dismissing you from my crew.'

... I think I just died a little on the inside.

Jack simply turns his back and starts walking towards "his ship" without evening glancing back at me. Not even a turn of his head.

Oh, SHIT.

I look around me like a lost child. I suddenly feel like there's a gaping hole in my stomach, and I almost begin to panic.

I plan on doing something about this.

'Hey Will!' I shout. The young man turns to me with a smile on his face. Aww... it looks like he made a friend.

Stop it, Ashley, this is not the time.

'Do you want to know what Jack was _really _planning on doing with you?'

Will's smile disappears.

Jack stops walking mid-stride.

I wait for any one of them to react. Whether it be Jack or Will, I don't give a damn.

But I NEED to stay on that ship.

Jack turns on his heel to face me, and Will turns to me entirely.

'Yes, Ashley. I would like to know.'

Jack gives me the I-HATE-YOU look and puts his hands up. I smile at his defeat and turn back to Will. The fake answer came rolling off my tongue.

'He was gonna put your hand in warm water while you slept.'

* * *

After watching Will and Jack argue about the latter's maturity, I started to help the other crew member's by loading the cargo and letting down sails and such. The crew were being a little too nice, for pirates. They showed me how to tie ropes and what went where and what my duties on board would be.

I would've been doing just fine: in fact, I was already doing twice as much work as some of the other crew members (same with Will. We didn't want to be a nuisance.), but thanks to my REALLY DAMN STUPID act of blackmailing, I've earned quite a few dirty looks from Jack, and maybe even a very unfriendly hand gesture. William, on the other hand, has been oddly nice, but has been a little suspicious of my earlier outburst. He been questioning me ever since, following me around deck, and Jack does _not _ look to happy about that.

Oh well. As long as Will doesn't know, I can stay in the crew.

'Ashley, you honestly don't think that I'm going to fall for a petty excuse like that, do you?'

'Well, you are pretty naïve, Will.'

At least I got back at Jack for what he did last night.

So yeah, we've almost got everything on board, so it's almost time to set sail.

'That was a smooth stunt ya pulled there.'

I turn to face the person who had spoken. 'That's nice Jack, but I think I did- Gibbs?'

Oh great, now _he's _staring at me. This is getting to be a very annoying habit.

'Blackmailin' Jack. Not sure I've met anybody who could pull that off. Yer smarter than you let show, lassy.'

Okay, I'm confused. Is he complementing me?

'What, you saw that? It was nothing big, I was just holding all the cards, is all.' I say trying to get him off my back. I don't need another interrogation.

'Aye, you were. It's almost as if ya _were _psychic.'

'Gibbs, there's a point where annoyance crosses over into stupidity.'

'How is it you knew what Jack was plannin'? How did ye know about Barbossa?'

I didn't answer his question right away. I couldn't tell him the whole truth: he already thinks I'm insane.

'Gibbs, I'll tell you the truth and I trust you not to tell anybody.' Gibbs leans in a bit closer. 'I come from a different world in which all of you are fictional character's.'

Silence. That's a good thing.

'Yep. Yer insane.'

'That's what I thought.'

* * *

Yeah, you read that right. Ashley blackmailed Jack into letting her stay. 'Cause they're gonna be BEST FRIENDS FO EVA.

REVIEWS!!!


	6. Hate Filled Potatoes

Hey ya'll. Merry Christmas (or whatever you celebrate).

Sorry for the sickening shortness of this chapter. I wanted to get this up before Christmas, because I'm probably going to be doing some holiday things, and I won't have time to put this up. By the way, just for the sake of argument, we're all gonna say that mashed potatoes weren't created during the _Pirates _days. Because this chapter includes stupid amounts of potatoes.

Do me a favor and READ & REVIEW, kayz? I'll eat your brains if you don't.

* * *

Now really. If good ol' Calypso was a nice goddess, she obviously thinks I'm not worth her time. Seriously, I've TRIPPED. I've FALLEN. I've gotten CUT. What's next, a seizure?

Oh well. I've made new friends, anyway.

I've already lost trust with Gibbs. I suppose blackmailing one of his closest friends might have something to do with that. The other crew members have been surprisingly nice and obedient, and I've had quite a few pleasant conversations (Cotton especially) while doing random crew work, which by the way is time consuming and easily takes your mind off things. There's lots to do actually. Tie down sails, eat, throw something overboard, eat, talk to somebody, get scolded, eat. Pretty simple.

But very tiring. Yeah, g'night ya'll.

* * *

_'If I die, will I go back home?'_

_'Probably not. You will keep yourself from going home, because deep down inside you know that you have made more of an impact here than you have back where you belong. You want your deeds to be rewarded. You are scared that you will become insignificant again, become the stupid girl you knew you always were.'_

_'Oh, I get it. Why would I want to stay here though? I wanna go home.'_

_'Do you really? After all you've been through, are you brave enough to go back and realize your flaws, and make them disappear? I highly doubt it.'_

_'Is that why I was put here? So I could realize my flaws?'_

_'In a way. You only realize other people's flaws, never your own. It makes you selfish.'  
_

_'... I guess that's true. But I don't throw their flaws in their face.'  
_

_'You don't have to. Over time you will always let others know how you feel. You are vulnerable to hate. That, in the end, is what will cause your demise. There may still be hope for you, but only if you realize your own flaws. Overcome your selfishness.'_

_'Gee, how do you expect me to do that?'_

_'Experience. Take Mr. Sparrow for instance.'_

_'Oh, DON'T even get me star-'_

_'Do you know why he acts the way he does?'_

_'Because he's insane?'_

_'You have an amazing sense of humor child, but no, he is not insane. In fact, he may be more sane than you are. He keeps his word, in his own way of course.'_

_'How does that make him more sane than me?'_

_'How many promises have you broken? How many promises have you tossed to the side to your own pile of shame. That is what's wrong with you. You've so much anger around you and you are incapable of seeing it. Sparrow accepts his flaws, because he knows that nobody is perfect. He knows that everyone is equal. He keeps his promises.'_

_'What, so he's like Abraham Lincoln now?'_

_'You really are funny, child. But you are right. He does think like the president a little.'_

_'Yeah, but I find it a little hard to imagine Jack in a top hat.'_

_

* * *

  
_OwowowowowowOW.

'What the hell- Will? Why are you poking me?!'

'There's a- WOAH!'

The blacksmith and I (from my bed, I might add) go crashing into a the wall, curtesy of the ship rocking. Violently.

'Ugh... There's a huge -woah- storm out there, Ashley. Your help would be greatly appreciated.'

'Uh... Yeah. I'll be right there' I said. He nodded and left.

In a frenzy, I grab my boots and pull them on (being thrown into the wall once more). I stumble out onto the deck, and I'm met with winds slapping accross my face. 'Holy shi- GIBBS! WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP!?' I shout over the sound of waves slapping a across the hull of the boat and thunder roaring in the skies.

'HELP WILL!' He shouts, and leaves to talk to Jack.

I run over to William and help him with the rope he's trying to pull.

And so began my endless night, running around like a lunatic, being tossed clear across the ship due to waves, and (to my chagrin) Jack relentlessly shouting orders at me to do things that seemed to be already being taken care of by other crew members, which resulted in THEM shouting at me, which resulted in me shouting at Jack, which once again resulted in Jack shouting at me, and the cycle continues. Gibbs isn't being too helpful, seeing as he always takes Jack's side in an argument, so right now, since I've gotten here ,Turner is my only ally that I can trust to not kill me (he's a sissy, so that's to be expected).

My night continued to be hectic, confusing, and DAMN SCARY.

I've had to duck about a dozen times due to barrels flying clear across the ship because of the stupid boat rocking back and forth so violently. A few of those barrels contained rum, which seemed to concern Jack so much he kept asking if we had enough rum to _last the night. _Nope, no concern for me who almost fell out of the ship climbing those damn rope ladders. Anyways, one of the crew members tripped which resulted in his tightly clenched fist to accidentally slam into my stomach where a bruise is now forming. Jack -of course- seems to think nothing of it ('Sand's, I only want to hear you complaining when you start bleeding from the ears. That way I'll have a reason to throw you over board.'), and sent me to do more hard work while Turner got to sit down and have a cup of _fucking TEA. TEA_, dammit! What happened to Will being all chivalrous?!

In all, my night wasn't as dandy as I thought it would be.

Surely, Calypso loves me.

So here I am, in the morning, doing everybody else's work with Jack looming over me.

And I know you're asking, 'Well Ashley, Shouldn't they be doing their OWN work? Isn't that unfair?' And to this, I say yes. It is very unfair. But apparently mopping the deck, carrying around barrels, cooking a damn feast for the crew's breakfast, and doing almost every single other chore on this ship still doesn't fall under Jack's opinion of "pulling my weight", and apparently what I'm doing is 'just the beginning, mate'. In short, I'm going to murder Jack Sparrow.

'Nuh-uh, you untie those knots like _this, _Sands_._' Jack shows me how to untie the knot after me trying unsuccessfully about a half a dozen times.

'Well maybe I'd be done with this by now if you had shown me that in _the first place!' _I pointed out with hatred in my voice.

'Tis' human nature to learn from unfortunate events that just happened to be our fault.' He rolls his eyes at my confused expression and translates for me. 'We learn from our mistakes.'

'But I didn't make any mista-'

'Shut up and untie the rest of the sails, young grasshopper. Today's the day me get my ship back.' He leans in a bit closer and lowers his voice. 'But you seem to already know that.'

I let out a snarl and watch as he grabs a rope and pulls off a Tarzan, swinging all the way down to the helm. Damn showoff.

I do as he says and untie the rest of the sails, gaining more help as crew members come from below deck (some of them even thank me for the breakfast). It takes about three hours before Will emerges from below deck with a groggy expression plastered to his face.

'Ah Will!' I come up behind him and greet the young man. 'How was your night? I'm sure it was better than mine.'

'I don't see why anybody in their right mind would want to be a pirate if they have to sail throught storms like _that._' he says rubbing his (apparently) sore back.

'I think it's supposed to be exciting. Like your supposed to feel the rush that comes with danger.' I said coolly.

'I'm not sure I could live like a lying, cheating, traitorous neanderthal like Jack does.' he scoffs, picking up a random piece of wood and takes out a knife and starts to carve into it.

'I wouldn't really call him traitorous... But yeah, I think neanderthal is the right word to describe him.' I smile when he laughs at my reasoning.

'You have a different accent than the rest of us.' he comments. I look up, wondering why he decides to comment on my accent.

'Well, I told you that I come from that America place. We talk differently over there.' I answer. I counter with a question of my own. 'Have you ever killed anybody?'

Will glances at me, confused. I don't really know why I asked, but it was just something I can't imagine doing myself, and it's just weird to think that a good person could live with themselves if they ever took somebody's life.

'Yes... Yes I've killed somebody before.' he breaks eye contact. 'It was when the pirates invaded Port Royal. I wanted to protect people.' Will said.

'... And you didn't feel bad?' I ask, almost whispering now.

'No.' He says simply. 'They shouldn't have come. They shouldn't have taken Miss Swann.'

'Dammit Will!' I groan. 'I'm thirteen, you're supposed to say yes to those questions! I'm not supposed to be subjected to this kind of material!' I huff.

Will stares at me, a little disturbed. 'Well... um... Okay... I felt terrible.' he nods to me.

'Thank you.' I mumble. I was about to add something when Jack comes up from behind me.

'Y'know, luv, there are a bunch o' potatoes that need peeling below deck. I'm sure Gibbs would like some help with those.' he smirks. Tired of his antics, I stand up and walk right up to him, which probably doesn't make me look so brave seeing as he's a good head taller than me.

'Y'know what Jack? I can see that you're just going to make this hard for me, so I'm just gonna go below deck and peel those potatoes because unlike you, I know that if I really wanted to, I could do what ever I please, but I'm nice, so when you go down there, lookin' for food, your crew is gonna have the best damn potatoes they've had in their entire life, and you're not going to get ANY of it! And you know who you're gonna have to thank for that!? YOURSELF!' I shout in his face, breathing hard, waiting for him to answer.

'Well, gee, Sands. That was a mouthful. You've opened my eyes, really.' His smile widens. 'Those better be some bloody nice potatoes.'

'Oh they will. They _will._' I storm down below deck, but not before hearing Jack say something along the lines of, 'Don't ya just love 'er, William?'

I open the door to the ship's kitchen where Gibbs is sitting, singing some kind of pirate song ('Being a pirate is alright to me, do what you want 'cause a pirate is free...'). 'Good morning, lass.' he greets peeling another potato.

'G'morning Gibbs.'

'You look terrible. What've ye been up to?' he asks, handing me a potato.

'Please, please, _please _ask Jack that question. I've done the work of twenty crew members in one morning and yet he still thinks it necessary to make my life a living hell.' I growl, nearly chopping my potato in half.

'I'm not quite sure you've done the work of twenty...' he says.

'You're right. Thirty at least.' I murmur, grabbing another unpeeled potato. 'Y'know, I can understand him being a little ticked off at me for blackmailing him, but _really!_' I shout, not really to Gibbs, but more to myself. Honestly, if I ever get the chance I'm gonna grab a rope and wring his neck...

'It's hard to tell what Jack Sparrow's motives really are. I remember a younger, more naive Jack. He wasn't as complicated back then. Young lad had his ship, 'twas the only thing that really mattered to 'im'

'Great. It's nice to know that there was a time when he was such a jackass. Now I have to make the world's best potatoes just to impress him.' I take my anger out on the potato I'm holding and stab it instead of peel it.

'Ye tryin' to impress Jack?' he asks skeptically.

'Well, I'm thinking that if I impress him enough he might not treat me like a scumbag.'

'And potatoes are your method to success?'

'Potatoes are my method to success. Now all I have to do is find some unheard of recipe for mashed potatoes.' I grumble and continue to peel the potato in my hand.

'Um... Lass...'

'Hm?'

'I'm not quite sure I know what you mean by "mashed potatoes"...' My knife and potato go falling to the floor with a clatter when I drop them in disbelief.

'You... You don't know what mashed potatoes are.'

'Never heard of them.'

'What- Then what have people been doing with these potatoes all these years!?' I ask, still in shock. It's the 1800's! Mashed potatoes are supposed to exist!

'Ashley, are you okay?' Gibbs asks. 'Or did you honestly ask tha' question?'

'You know what this means right? This means I have a recipe to impress Jack with!' I exclaim excitedly. I peel the potatoes twice as fast with Gibbs looking at me as if my head just turned into one of the potatoes we're supposed to be peeling. 'Start peeling Master Gibbs. I'm gonna show you how to make mashed potatoes.'

Don't get me wrong. Maybe impress was the wrong word. It's not like Jack is gonna worship me because I made him a batch of mashed potatoes. I guess I'm just trying to prove to him that I can actually do something by myself. Thankfully, we're _way _back in time, because if I was back home doing this, I'd probably just make a fool of myself. Oh god, how did I get into this mess?

Anywho, the rest of the morning was spent making the biggest batch of mashed potatoes the world has yet to see, and it was a BITCH getting it all of it up to the place where the pirates grab their food. A few minutes after that, I see Jack standing there, staring at the potatoes. Wondering what he was thinking, I walked up to him.

'Yo, Jack. What are you doing?' I ask curiously.

'Where are the potatoes?' he asks, a bit of anger in his voice. 'If I go below deck and find a pile of potatoes sitting there, I'll know who to ask.' he warns.

'Jack,' I point to the bowl that he's staring at, 'those are the potatoes.' He stares at me with a blank expression for a moment, and he picks up the bowl.

'These.'

'Yes, Jack.'

'These are potatoes. ...I see... mush.'

'That's mashed potatoes, Jack. Try it, it's good.' I recommend. He stares at the bowl for another moment.

'You... Are a very odd child.' he says and shoves a spoonful into his mouth, walking away. Satisfied, I turn to look for Will who is actually doing the same as Jack, staring at his own bowl of food.

'Hey Will.' I greet, sitting down next to him. 'How do you like the food?'

'I thought you were supposed to be making potatoes. This is... not potatoes.' he adds, eating a spoonful. 'But it's good.'

'It's mashed potatoes. Everybody eats it back home, but we usually have gravy with it.' I add. 'Hey, what time is it?'

He looks into the sky. 'Most likely around eleven o'clock.'

'Get ready Turner!' Jack shouts from the helm. 'We'll be there in an hours time!'

'Finally!' Will smiles at me and goes below deck to do something, leaving his food, which I start to eat.

Wait... That means I get to meet Barbossa! Sweet!


	7. My Piratey Bullshit

6,000 words.

6,000 FUCKING words.

Oh god, I'M SO SORRY YOU GUYS.

That's it. No more excuses. My laziness to get on the computer and log onto here has delayed me from posting this for about six months, and for this I beg your forgiveness (depression, I fucking hate you). I also apologize for the crumminess of this chapter, and the fact that this chapter and the next will be the only two chapters with Barbossa in it.

I guess I was wrong about being done with this in February.

By the way, thank you to everybody who reviewed and fav'd and put this story on their alert list. People seemed to like the last chapter. Not sure why.

Alrighty then, I'm sure you all know what's coming this chapter, and I hope you find it entertaining enough not to shoot me.

I swear that I'll never make you wait this long again. Reviews are always appreciated!

* * *

'No! NO! I'm not going with -STOP- I'm not going with you- mmpph!'

Don't be scared. That's me.

Me being tied up, of course. Because God forbid Jack let me go of my own will.

'Somebody lower the ruddy boat, I won't be able to stand her rambling for much longer.'

Me rambling was now an impossibility, as Will had gagged me. 'Jack, I'm not sure this is necessary,' he says loosening the gag a little so I don't choke on it.

'Of course it's necessary. Who's going to be our diversion, _me?'_ Jack asks incredulously, as if him doing such a thing was a sin. 'She'll be perfect.' he added, patting my head. I had the strong urge to punch him. Unfortunately, my arms were tied behind my back, and it was very unlikely that I would be turning into the Hulk anytime soon.

'Mmmmph! MMMM!'

'Calm down, lass, you're far young to using that kind o' language,' Jack sniggers. He signals for the two crew members who are carrying me to throw me into the boat that we'll be taking. I hit the bottom of said boat with a _thud_, my head barely missing the seat. 'Mister Turner and I are to go ashore, along with _her.'_ He gives a small wave in my direction.

'Sir, what if the worst should happen?' I hear Gibbs question Jack, who pauses to think.

'Stick to the code.'

'Aye, the code...' Gibbs says thoughtfully. He looks worriedly at Jack. He probably thinks the stupid blighter is gonna walk up to Barbossa and go ape-shit on his ass, but I could really care less, because as long as Will and Elizabeth get out while Jack gets kidnapped, everything will be dandy. Then again, that really does leave me with the problem of sticking with Jack or going back to _The Interceptor_ with the other two, seeing as no matter what I do I'm gonna be in that really big fight between the two ships. Personally, I'm all for seeing _The Pearl _up close, but then I'd have to stay with Jack, which is always a downside.

And then I have to deal with Barbossa and convince him that I'm important enough to not rape. I'm sure his crew have no problem tying me down to a bed and get their jiggy on with me, which poses another problem. How am I gonna get past Barbossa's crew? Fighting them is out of the question, there's no way I'm fighting fifty different people at once. I'd have to have forty different pieces of armor strapped to my ass.

Sprouting wings would be really awesome, right now.

Will and Jack climb into the boat which is lowered into the water. Jack starts rowing, taking no notice of my glaring. It's really foggy: I can feel the humidity in the air, and Will looks really down, most likely worried about Elizabeth's well-being. Jack is staring at the water, drifting off into his own world, probably averting his eyesight from his beloved ship. I can't really blame him, _The_ _Pearl _is sitting right off shore over there, and it's probably shouting at Jack.

Nope. No time to be worried about Ashley. She's just laying here at your feet, waiting to be untied.

We row to shore for what feels like an hour. Will isn't really helping Jack paddle, he's just being depressed at the edge of the boat. I'm sure they're trying to avoid talking to each other. Neither one likes the other. Then again, neither one likes me so they can go-

'She's not there.' I hear Jack talk for the first time since getting off the ship. He take the rag out of my mouth to let me speak.

'God, you suck,' I mutter at Jack. He ignores it. 'What, so they took her inside? How long have they been here?'

He ignores me again. I look at Will who simply shrugs at looks at Jack for any sign that he heard me. He's taken out his telescope and is looking at the _Pearl _for any sign of Elizabeth.

'It's begun.'

* * *

'Wait, so tell me again why we can't just get out of the boat and walk?'

Jack let go of one of the oars and tilted the lantern that Will was holding over to the shore that I had just suggested we walked on. As in the movie, there lay a corpse, which had obviously been there for a few decades. A sword was sticking out of it's torso.

Hmm. Seems this guy got somebody really mad.

Will averted his eyes from the gruesome scene to look at Jack. 'Er- What code is Gibbs to keep to if the worst should happen?'

'The Pirates Code, of course,' Jack answered as if this was common knowledge. This is probably what stopped his suspicion of me from growing when I answered Will.

'Whoever falls behind, is left behind. A very depressing rule, but necessary nonetheless.' I add when I spot Will's disgusted look.

'No heroes amongst thieves, huh?'

'All too true my unenlightened friend.' I turn back up to Jack. 'Jack, why can't you untie me now?'

'Because I'm busy.' he says irritably.

'Oh yeah, you're just _swamped, _aren't you? Yeah, me too, I'm really _tied up _at the moment, you big, ugly prick-'

'Y'know, for having such a bleak outlook on pirates, you're well on your way to becoming one,' Jack interrupts what I'm sure would've been a very long rant. Will looks up curiously at Jack, confused as to what he'd done to make him think that he'd be anything like a pirate. 'Sprung a man from jail-'

'Wait, I forgot to mention, I've also become _invisible, _you stupid bas-'

'Commandeered a ship o' the fleet, sailed with a buccaneer crew outta Tortuga,' he smiles mischievously when he spots Will's bewildered expression when he finds what I'm sure is treasure below us (I can't really be sure, I'm lying at the bottom of our majestic vessel), 'and you're completely obsessed with treasure.'

Will quickly turns around, trying to make seems as if he wasn't staring at the gold below us. He clambers out of the boat with Jack. 'That's not true. I am _not _obsessed with treasure-'

'Jack, you will untie me RIGHT NOW or I will make sure you NEVER have kids-'

'_Be quiet_, you uncontrollable wench, or they'll have heard us!' Jack snaps at me, and I fall quiet. 'Cut her loose William, if she's going to act like a four-year-old, then we'll have to bring her-'

'I wouldn't act like a four-year-old if you hadn't tied me up in the first place-'

'I tied you up because you are incapable of acting your age, now will you _be quiet? _That blasted monkey's most likely heard us by now.' Jack throws me one more glare and walks farther into the cave, leaving Will to get me untied.

'Hold still and I'll cut the ropes.'

He cuts me loose and I shoot out of the boat to follow Jack. However true his words were, I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he had made me mad. Will follows close behind me, and we stop when we see Jack peering over a hole in the cave wall, looking at what I'm guessing is the blood ritual (or whatever Barbossa calls it, I never paid any attention to this part because I always thought it was the most boring part in the movie). 'Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.'

We both climb up to the spot where Jack is standing to look at the scene for ourselves.

Looking at her now, I could only guess what kind of life Elizabeth had been leading for the past five days. Her hair was tangled and windswept, she had a bruise on her neck (probably where Bo'sun had hit her, or she fell, the retard), and that dress didn't look very comfortable either. I could see that most of the pirates that were closest to the mound of treasure mere smirking and sniggering at her, and I didn't want to think about what they had planned for her after the ritual.

Will had a terrified expression plastered to his face, and he only had eyes for the woman standing thirty feet away from us. I don't really blame him either. I mean I'm not lesbian or anything, but damn. Keira can have me.

And Barbossa... Well fuck, he's a seriously scary guy. He looks exactly how he did in the movie, just a bit taller. He seems to have a good hold on his crew, though, because not one of them looks like they wanna interrupt. They're mostly looking at him in awe. And horror, I guess

'Elizabeth...' Will breathes, and his panic becomes evident when he snaps at the sight of the pirates jeering at her. 'Jack!'

'Wait.' Jack grabs him by the arm and stops him from doing something really stupid. 'Just _wait _for the opportune moment.' With one last glance at the pirates, Jack retreats down the path. Will stares after him for a second before the look of realization comes across his face, and he follows him, with me at his heels.

'When's that?' he snarls after the captain. 'When it's the greatest profit to you?'

Jack pauses mid-stride, exactly the way he did in the movie, and I step back, preparing to witness my favorite scene in the entire series. 'May I ask you something?' He turns on his heel and strides back to Will, who now looks utterly bewildered. 'Have I ever given you a reason not to _trust _me?' He pauses and waits for Will to shake his head. 'Do me a favor- I know it's difficult for you- But please. Stay hear-' -he points to his feet- 'and try not to do anything... stupid.'

Good _heavens._

Trying my hardest not to tumble over in a fit of awe for the person I already hate, I follow Jack down the path to the treasure room, and I catch up with him fast enough to hear him muttering, 'Christ, he talks a lot.'

'Look who's talking.' I remark to him. He doesn't answer, but he does stick his tongue out at me. At least he's not pissed at me anymore.

'So...' I start, trying to make conversation, as Barbossa's speech seems to have lengthened. 'Today's your day right? You get your ship back.'

Jack doesn't answer me, but looks intently at Elizabeth, who looks like she's gonna hyperventilate. After failing to look like he's concentrating on her, he sighs and replies, 'O' Course. I'd be eternally grateful if you didn't do anything stupid.' Then, he suddenly looked very insecure, as if he had the strong urge to say something. In the end he pressed his lips into a thin line, looking up from his feet and back at the man he so hated. 'Look at 'im. Scheming bastard.'

'You really like insulting people when they can't here you, huh?' I smirk.

He looks up at me thoughtfully. 'I insult _you _when you can hear me.'

'Of course. So what are we waiting for anyway?' I ask when I remember that we never got to see Jack make his move on the crowd of pirates in the movie. Will had knocked him out before he could do anything.

'An opening. I need to get him William's blood so he can lift his bloody curse. Then I can skip over there and skin 'im alive, the pathetic, traitorous bastard...'

'Bitchin,' I said, struggling to find something else to talk about. The last thing I needed was for Jack to go homicidal. 'What are you gonna do about the rest of the crew?'

He doesn't answer for a moment. 'I'll think of somethin'.'

Oh crap, I just remembered something. Will didn't hear the conversation in the bar at Tortuga, which means that he doesn't know that Jack is gonna use him as leverage, which means that he isn't gonna come here to knock out Jack, which means that _I _have to knock out Jack.

'Uh-huh,' I say skeptically, looking around me for some kind of rock that I can use to KO Jack. 'Well, you better think up of some really good plan, all four of us have to boogie out of here quite fast.' I state, wagging a finger in his face.

'...Hope was but a fairy tale for us, who had been under the curse for years...'

'Or I could leave you and keep them instead,' he said. 'Save me the room.'

'Pshht, I don't think you're gonna be doing that.' I scoff.

'Do you?' he smirks, finally giving me his undivided attention. Apparently this triggered something in his mind.

'I do.' I reply. 'You wanna know why?'

He nods.

'Well, you see, young Jackie,' I start, 'I couldn't help but notice that you haven't broken your promise to Will yet.'

Jack stares at me more, obviously expecting me to say something else. I sigh when he doesn't get the message. Honestly, I thought he was supposed to be clever.

'Jack, if you had the guts to leave any of us here on the island, you would've already done it. The _Pearl _was right outside there. You could've lured Will into this damn cave, taken us two to the _Pearl, _steal it, and sail away with it. You would've had two ships at your command, Jack. And yet, here you are, willing to risk your life for a girl who already owes you.

'THAT, Jack, is how I know you won't leave me on this island.'

Jack had been smirking all through my little speech, but the gleam had left his eyes. I wasn't paying attention to that however, as I was marveling at my own knowledge. This was probably the by-product of watching _Pirates _everyday for six months. After watching it a whole bunch of times you start to analyze the little things.

'You think your clever, don't you?'

Ca-POW.

'Sorry Jack, but I'm not going to be your leverage.'

'Good one, Will.' I congratulate the young man, admiring the sight of Jack being knocked out. 'I probably should've done that myself.'

'I overheard Jack in the bar. Apparently, he was going to use me as some form of leverage.'

'You heard that?' I ask, as I had believed that Will hadn't heard that conversation in the bar.

'Of course, they might as well have been shouting at each other.' Okay, so I was wrong. But that only saves me the trouble right?

Wrong.

Okay, so this is when I start to panic. Despite Will still having his chivalrous attitude towards everything, right now he seems to think that he needs to kill Jack.

I realize this when Will puts a knife to Jack's throat.

'Woah, woah, woah, Will, what are you doing!?'

'Ashley, he's a pirate.' Will says coolly, lowering his knife a little bit.

'But-! Come on- No, Will, STOP!' I shout when moves the knife back to Jack's neck.

CRAP.

'Will, stop. DON'T kill him. You can't.'

'Why not?' he asks.

'You just- You- Will, you can't. You just can't.' I stutter, realizing how afraid I sound.

'If I try to kill him, are you going to stop me?'

'... Yes.'

'WHERE'S HIS CHILD? The child that sailed from England eight years ago, the child who's veins flows the blood of William Turner! WHERE!'

'You've chosen your path,' Will snarls, and promptly smacks me over the head with the oar. Seems like things have changed a lot by my being here.

Oh, clusterfucks.

Oh well. At least I won't have to be a diversion.

* * *

Wet. Why do I feel wet?

I groggily lift my head up from the hard (and wet, apparently) wooden floor, and my nostrils are met with the smell of the sea and the stench of stale rum. Ignoring the throbbing pain in the back of my head, I open my eyes. My sight is temporarily blurred, but I gradually regain my vision, only to want to close my eyes again.

What is it with me and waking up in cells all the time?

'...The hell...?'

Okay, so I must be in the _Pearl_. There aren't any spoons or forks floating around in the water and there aren't any holes in the walls and the door to the cell certainly isn't open, so that means that I haven't missed the huge battle. Great. Now all that I need to find out about is Jack's status. I'm guessing that it's "REALLY FUCKED", but I'm not quick to judge. Jack is supposed to have a knack for getting out of trouble, right?

Somewhere between twenty and thirty minutes later, Bo'sun comes stomping down to the brig, bringing with him that air of anger that I always felt when I saw his scenes. Really, whenever I see him, I have the strong urge to punch the TV. Unfortunately, my mother would be quite downtrodden if I did that, so I refrained.

'Jack Sparrow requests that you be present during negotiations with the captain.'

'He what?' I ask, quite dumbstruck. Jack is absolutely capable of negotiating with Barbossa by himself, so why on earth would he need me there?

Instead of answering, the man stomps into my cell and grabs me by the collar of my shirt, nearly lifting me off my feet. If he hadn't had such a tight grip on my shirt, he probably would've thrown me half across the room, the way he was pushing me.

'Agh! That-hurts!' I manage to choke, and, deciding that I'm a bit more useful when I'm conscious, Bo'sun loosens his hold on me.

Once we get up to the Captain's cabin however, he actually does throw me in, which causes me to go tumbling to the floor. A very elegant entrance, if I do say so myself.

'Ah, Sands! Meet my good friend Hector.' Jack invites me to sit in the chair next to him, which I do gladly, as I prefer chairs to the floor.

'Miss.' Barbossa greets me with a nod, but quickly turns back to Jack, who seems rather pleased with my epic fail.

I sit there for a bit, waiting for one of them to speak to me. Instead, they sit in their chairs and, unlike in the movie, don't say anything at all.

Now that I'm sitting between two of the most famous pirates of my time, I feel more out of place than ever. I'm trying my hardest not stare at Barbossa in awe, seeing as I've been thinking about this moment for like, EVER and the only thing I can think about is the fact that I have to be the most UNLUCKY person to EVER have to be in this situation EVER.

Okay Ashley, remember. You gotta convince to Barbossa that your important enough not to rape... Dammit, that's gonna be really hard. Why must these things happen to me? Well at least I don't have to fight his crew.

After giving Jack a few expectant looks, I roll my eyes and speak up.

'Y'know, YOU guys called me here.' I breathe.

'Aye, that be true.' Barbossa nods toward the center piece on the table. 'Apple?' he offers.

'I expect after about ten years you really need to start getting rid of those things, huh.' I say, not eager to get all friendly with this guy. 'Sorry, but I prefer bananas.'

'Ah. Well that's a mite to bad. Sparrow here finds it necessary that you be present in case something in our negotiations goes astray of your plans with him.'

I look towards Jack who's still examining his nails. 'They're not exactly plans... but yeah, that seems okay. I prefer this place to the brig.'

'So Jack...' Barbossa turns to him and he finally looks up. 'What is it you've planned for me vessel?'

'Your vessel? That's odd, last time I checked, this was _always _my vessel.' Jack gestures to the room around us, which, surprisingly, seems to always be darker when Barbossa is around. 'Now, of course, I could be a gentleman and let you get away with your life, but that would go against my inner nature and is therefore impossible.'

'Ah.' Barbossa pipes up again, sitting up in his chair. 'So ye plan to take my life.'

'Aye. That's why I'm helping you.' Jack says calmly. 'You have my word that Sands and I will help you undo this dastardly curse, and set you and your soul back to the way it was, free to be killed.'

'Really now? Jack, I thought we had a mutual understanding! This be my ship, Sparrow.'

'Jack, why would I help you?'

He turns to me with a smirk on his face. 'Oh, I didn't realize that you had another plan, Sands. So what do you expect to do on this ship if you're not going to help me?'

I open my mouth to speak, but I realize that he's right, and that I don't have a plan, quickly deciding that it's best to just keep my mouth shut.

'Of course, I could kill you with this pistol that I picked up a few years ago,' He waves _the _pistol in Barbossa's face, 'but what fun would that be? Write this down, Sands.'

'With what?'

'Paint this picture in ye head, Barbossa. A beautiful beach streches in front of you, and to your left is the vast sea. Pirates dream, eh?' Jack wags his finger. 'Here's the catch. You have no ship, no crew, no water. All you have is a gun, a few coconuts to keep you company, and your name to think about. Sounds appealing to me.'

Barbossa presses his lips together. 'So you plan to leave me standing on some beach, with naught but a name and watch you sail away with _my _ship?'

'No,' Jack replies, sounding appalled, 'I expect to leave you standing on some beach with no name at all, watching me sail away with _my _ship... and I'll just shout the name back to you.'

'Shouting is very convenient.' I add.

'That's the most sensible thing you've said since I first met you, Sands.'

'Aye, but that leaves us with the problem of me standing on some beach and your word- it's the one I need.'

Damn, everything here seems to mirror everything in the movie. The only exception is the dumbass chic sitting between the two men.

Jack picks up an apple from the basket on the table and sits back down in the chair that he had recently vacated. 'Between the two of us, _I _am the only one that hasn't commited mutiny. But I guess I do owe you thanks. See, if you hadn't betrayed me and left me to die... I'd have an equal share in that curse, same as you.' He takes a large bite out of the apple and speaks through a full mouth. 'Funny world, innit?'

Barbossa gives his famous huff thing that he does whenever Jack gets the one up on him, and turns to the Bo'sun who just came storming into the cabin again, this time without a suffocating girl hanging on to his arm for dear life.

'Captain, we are coming up on the Interceptor.'

All three of us spring to our feet and follow Bo'sun out of the cabin and up to the helm, where Barbossa pulls out a telescope.

And Jack just sits there staring after him. It doesn't even look like he's _thinking._ This is when I decide to step in. Or, y'know, step in front of Barbossa. Whatever.

'Y'know, a peachy little idea just popped into my head.' I say, making sure I have his full attention. He lowers his telescope in disgust. 'How about you run up a flag of friendliness so Jack and I can scurry over there, throw down a few cards, make a few agreements, and- hey presto! You've got your medallion, no blood shed.' I finish, giving Jack a thumbs up.

Unfortunately, he doesn't look as pleased at this idea as he did in the movie. In fact, he looks like he's gonna blow a gasket.

'You're new to this world, aren't you?' Barbossa asks, flashing me a smirk. 'Y'see lass, that's the kind of attitude that lost ol' Jack here his ship in the first place!' he points to Jack who's breathing real heavily now, glaring at me in a way that makes me want to run in the opposite direction. Barbossa leans forward and whispers into my ear, sending shivers down my spine. And not the good shivers either. 'People are easier to search when they're dead.'

'Hehehe... That so...?' I slip in before two crew members grab me and Jack, and shove us back into my cell.

'Ow! I'M NOT A PIECE OF MEAT YOU KNOW!' I shout when I get thrown to the floor for the second time today. 'What is it with you pirates!?' I shout at no one in particular, but Jack still takes up the need to answer me.

'It's not our fault if you have _absolutely no idea what you're doing!_' Jack growls in annoyance, glaring daggers my way. Instead of coming back with some flashy retort, I actually shrink back.

'I-I was just trying to help...' I say, scared that Jack might jump on top of me and start gouging my eyes out with his hair. Seriously, he looks _pissed._

He stomps over to my corner, making me shrink completely into the corner. 'I thought I told you _not to mess this up,_' he snarls in my face.

'I-I'm sorry- I didn't mean to-' I stop myself before I say something to really set him off. 'W-w-what were you gonna do?' I ask quietly.

He rolls his eyes and walks over to the other side of the cell. He speaks in a softer voice, probably trying to calm down. 'I was going to let Barbossa get his hold on Will. That way, he would've broken his curse and I could've got him alone somewhere where I could kill 'im and we could all steal the _Pearl. _It was far fetched, but it was better than anything that _you _had planned,' he finished, throwing another dirty look my way.

'Dammit... What've they been doing to me ship?' he comments, staring at the water on the floor. I sit down on the floor, not really caring about how wet I get. I watch as Jack fruitlessly tries to get some information by looking out a minuscule hole in the wall, thinking about how much I must have fucked up the story line.

I sat there for a few minutes waiting for Jack to say something. I'm sure that the _Interceptor _has started chucking all it's stuff into the water, and judging by the rate that the _Pearl _can sail, I'm guessing that we'll be seeing barrels rolling past here in about five minutes. And about ten minutes after that, eating utensils will be blasting their way through the wall.

So I have about fifteen minutes to get out of here, unless I want to stay here and get a spoon stuck up my ass. I might even impress Jack along the way, but I can't be to hopeful. Maybe I should stop trying to impress him and simply start trying to convince him that I'm useful enough to keep in his crew.

'Um... Jack?' I ask shyly. 'Jack, if you don't feel like killing me yet, er, would you mind passing me something I can... pick a lock with?'

Jack replies after giving me a skeptical look. 'Do try and pick that lock. I'd love to see you fail,' he says, ripping out the white quill thing that he keeps in his hair and tossing it to me.

I catch it with disgust. It's filthy. 'Do you even remember the last time you took a bath?'

Aaaaaand another dirty look. Good job, Ashley.

I shove the pick into the lock and desperately try to remember the guide I had bought a few months ago that had been about lock picking. Unfortunately, I never really managed to pick any lock, and I'm sure that these ye olde locks aren't going to be any easier.

Right, so each lock has a set of pins, and you have to push each one down until they click, and then you have to turn the lock. Easy enough.

So I get to work on the first pin. While keeping pressure on the lock, I continually move the pin up and down, waiting for it to snap into place, aware of Jack's sniggering behind me.

After ten minutes of twisting the pick, I hear that smooth, resolute sound that I've been waiting for.

_Click._

Jack springs to his feet and comes to my side, a bewildered expression crossing his face. 'Oh my god, I did it!' I shouted in glee. Jack raises an eyebrow.

'You haven't done it yet, luv, but you're well on your way.' Jack comments. 'Do the next one.'

'Right, so all I did was turn the pick this way, push it down...' I murmur, and again I hear that lovely click. 'Damn, I am SO cool!' This time we're met with the sound of wood scraping against wood, and Jack goes back to his hole to investigate.

'They've let out the oars.' He continues, 'You better hurry up, luv, if you want to bugger out of here before they blast us to smithereens.'

'It's really too bad that we don't have anything to use as "proper leverage". We could just lift this door out of it's hinges.'

'It's not useful to lament what we don't have. We do however have somebody who knows how to pick a lock, so pick away-'

_Click._

'I did it! WE'RE SPRUNG!'

'Don't get too excited, we're not rid of Barbossa's crew-'

BOOM.

Said boom is followed by the sound of yelling pirates, exploding cannons, and cries of pain.

'Enough with the bloody interruptions!' Jack grabs my arm, pulls me out of the cell, grabs our weapons, and we run up on deck (our shiny pieces of metal strapped to our waists) where crew members are scurrying about, loading cannons and swinging on board the _Interceptor_. 'We have to get over there...'

'Yeah, I figured that out already.' I snarl. 'You're suffocating my arm, y'know.'

He lets go of my arm once we find refuge under the stairs. 'How do you suppose we get over there?'

'Oh c'mon, Jack!'

He turns to me with a confused expression, which quickly turns to realization. 'Oh.'

We both run to the grapples and toss them over to the other ship, hoping that they catch the mast. When I pull my rope to find that it hit its mark, I triumphantly swing over to the other ship, but end up falling on my ass. Again.

'I have to practice this...' I groan.

'Lass!' Marty shouts to me, while successfully blasting another pirate off his grapple and into the water. 'Get out your bloody sword!'

'What-? Oh!' I grab the sword at my side and stand there stupidly: nobody is paying attention to the child in the middle of the action.

This quickly changes when one of _our _crew members is skewered through the neck at my side.

The pirate who gets the credit for this quickly turns his attention to me.

Cue me screaming.

I quickly remember the note that was attached to the sword when I first got it.

_You already know how to use this._

_You're not very good though._

Joy.

The pirate nearly chucks his sword at me and I simply shove to the side with my own sword. I, however, have no time to wallow at my small triumph, as the pirate quickly sends another swing my way. Instead of trying to catch it with my sword, I duck as fast as I can and shove my sword into the guy's stomach, remembering that this would -at best- stall him, seeing as these pirates are unable to die.

The pirate pulls the sword out of its abdomen and attempts to shove them into my neck (this seems to be this guy's preferred means of killing somebody). He would've succeeded if Gibbs hadn't suddenly come up behind him and shoved him off the side of the ship.

'Holy-! Thanks dude, I owe you one.' I pant, giving Gibbs a pat on the back.

'Only if we escape death, lass.'

We're suddenly surrounded by several enemy pirates, all pointing guns at us.

Fuck me and my inability to even be a bullshit pirate. FUCK ME, INDEED.

'Y'know Gibbs, I don't think we should hold our breaths on that one.'

* * *

Harhar, Barbossa you dick.

(I know you're all thinking 'wow what a short battle scene, Helsayx you suck.' Please bear with me here, I'm trying my hardest to get these up quicker.)

Thanks for all the reveiws!


	8. His Bloody Pistol

Sorryfortheemoinsertatthebeginning.

Looks like I didn't take a couple months off this time. Aren't you guys so proud of me? Anyway, here's a tasty new chapter for you, and I must say, it's much better than most of the other bullshit I've been coming up with lately. Still, leave your love in the form of reviews. Lots of them.

* * *

The longer I'm here, the closer to insanity I feel.

Swallowing me whole, dragging me away from the person I once was.

Hopeless.

In the beginning I had that wonderful shimmer of hope that came with innocence. That spark. I thought that it would be as easy as getting through this and going home, because there was nothing else after it was done, right? It's not real anyway. I was so wrong.

Then I lost it. I'm not sure when. Maybe it came slowly, something that was supposed to dawn on me.

Not sure if I care anymore. Things probably would've turned out a bit smoother had I realized something sooner. Unfortunately for me, that was an impossibility.

That thing I was supposed to realize? The people here were real.

They had feelings. They had personality. They went farther than just being movie characters. They can't dish out comfort every time I feel down. They weren't going to like me just because I was quirky.

This wasn't fanfiction.

Jack wasn't a complete philanderer who was completely sex-crazed. Will wasn't completely naive and girly. Elizabeth wasn't just the damsel in distress.

They had their backstories. They had their challenges. And they were so damn _strong._

So I tried to be like that. That was my first solution.

I tried to be the one with all the solutions. I knew the ends, so why let the means roll out by themselves?

That plan backfired.

So I tried Plan B.

Do the complete opposite of Plan A.

I naively wondered if being weak would make everybody's "save the kid" instincts kick in. That didn't work either. They were too caught up in their own problems to be bothered with mine.

And that pissed me off even more.

But then I realized what my problem was.

I had watched them a million times in my TV screen. I thought I knew exactly how they were going to react to everything I said. If I told Will he was a girly whelp, I expected him to double back, insulted. I didn't expect him to come back with a flashy retort.

If I told Elizabeth she was a dressy bitch, I expected her to be stunned with the amazement that a young girl such as myself used such language. I didn't expect her to act like such a grownup and scold me on my choice of words.

If I told Jack that his stuff wasn't worth my time, I'd expect him to come back with a suave response, coupled with a smirk. I didn't expect a crack in the jaw.

The problem was that, even though I knew what was going to happen, I couldn't use that to my advantage. I couldn't manipulate the future to take control of the present. It made me mad to know that I wasn't in control.

I wasn't in control because I _didn't _know what was going to happen. And that made me even more mad.

So I vented. On everybody.

And then I suddenly sucked it up and bottled up all the emotions. I didn't let anybody in, because if I did, it was all over.

Which leads me here. To this twisted, hellish nowhere.

That spark is gone.

And I must scream.

* * *

**Chapter 8 - His Bloody Pistol  
**

'Gents! Our hope is restored!'

A great cheer erupts from the _Pearl's _crew. I, however, am being held by two pirates (I think the black one is named Koehler or something) on the other side of the ship, and in no mood to celebrate. I'm sure you can guess why.

I watch as _The_ _Interceptor's _crew gets tied to the mast. Jack has just joined me, and he's looking none too happy while he allows his hand to be bound. In fact, he looks quite murderous.

_The Pearl _had sailed a good 100 feet away from _The Interceptor_, and the entire crew had died down to watch it's great downfall. Barbossa was standing at the railing, flipping the medallion between his fingers, looking rather pleased with himself, while Elizabeth was tied at the mast looking extremely worried, knowing that Will was still on our ship. I, of course, knew that he was going to be fine, so I didn't bother doing anything stupid. She was trying her hardest to get loose of the ropes, being as discreet as she could.

In the back, I could hear Pintel threatening to use our crew's innards for his laundry. The entire crew seemed quite disappointed. Whether it was in themselves or in Jack, I don't know, but they looked pretty crestfallen.

Suddenly, being very stupid, Elizabeth got loose and started running towards Barbossa. I'm not sure what she was planning to do, but we never found out because _The Interceptor_ was promptly blown to smithereens. We all had to cover our ears, as the roar of the explosion would've blown out our eardrums. Oh, except for Barbossa. He's too cool to have his eardrums blown out.

I watched as good ol' Lizzie stopped in her tracks, staring horrified. I would've felt sorry for her, but then again, she was the entire reason that Jack died. I mean, I don't like Jack anymore, but back when I first saw Dead Man's Chest, I was practically screaming in the theater. It was quite comical.

'You've got to stop it!'

Elizabeth attempted to punch Barbossa, but he was too strong for her. He was easily able to restrain her.

'Welcome back, miss! You took advantage of our hospitality last time, it's only fair now that you return the favor!' he said with a sinister laugh. Then he threw her to the crew, who started to grope her. I glanced at them, completely horrified and decided to put in my two cents.

'Um, sorry, can I say something?!' I ask loudly to the entire crew. They pause for a moment to look at me, and most of my own crew were looking at me like I was crazy.

'I would just like to bring to your attention that I did _not _take advantage of your hospitality!' I pause to wait for a reaction, but nobody says anything. Just stares. 'Yeah, you can go on now.'

Barbossa's crew just shrugs and continues, but they hardly even get Lizzie's dress off before Will makes his heroic entrance.

'Barbossa!'

Jumping over the railing and grabbing Jack's pistol, Will points it directly at the enemy.

'She goes free!'

Squinting at the sight of this unknown pubescent adult, Barbossa takes a few steps forward, not really having much to worry about. 'What's in your head, boy?'

'She goes free,' Will snarls.

'You've only got one shot, and we can't die!' Barbossa smirks.

Will averts his eyes to where the crew have hold of Elizabeth, then to me and Jack. Jack presses his hands together and mouths "Don't do anything stupid!"

Young William, obviously not getting the point, turns around and jumps onto the railing. 'You can't,' he says, pointing the gun to his own head, 'I can.'

'Like that.' Jack fails to hide the sound of his voice this time.

Of course, Barbossa has absolutely no idea who William is, so it's no surprise to me when he looks absolutely bewildered. 'Who are you?'

Jack, in a final attempt to make something go right steps in front of Barbossa before Will can answer. 'No one! He's no one. Distant cousin of my aunt's nephew, twice removed. Lovely singing voice, though. Eunuch...' he added.

'He's a bit of a slow one as well.' I continued.

'My name is William Turner! I am the son of Bootstrap Bill Turner!' Will speaks up, gaining back the attention of the entire crew. 'His blood runs through my vei-'

'WILL, SHUT UP!' I scream as the pirates attempt to restrain me. It was too late, however. Everybody heard.

Jack defeatedly walked back to his place beside me. I almost felt sorry for him.

'Name your terms, Mister Turner.' Barbossa says.

Will must have noticed the malice in Barbossa's voice, but he continued anyway. 'Elizabeth goes free!'

'Yes, we know that one. Anything else?'

Will spotted Jack and I making gestures to ourselves, signaling to make sure we're home-free. I knew, however, that Will could care less about me.

Honestly, if I was bleeding to death on one side of a room and Elizabeth was on the other side having a coughing fit, the most attention he'd pay me is, "Oh hey, Ashley, what's wrong OH MY GOD ELIZABETH ARE YOU OKAAAAY?"

I hate you Will.

'A-and the crew! The crew are not to be harmed!'

Barbossa's smirk only grew.

'Agreed.'

* * *

'Y'know what, Will? FUCK YOU!'

Will hardly hears my comment over the roar of the crew. Elizabeth is slowly walking towards the end of the plank.

'Barbossa, you lying bastard! You swore she'd go free!'

'Don't dare impugn me honor, boy!' Barbossa retaliated. 'I swore she'd go free, but it was you who failed to specify when our where!'

'Dude, Will! Did you REALLY think he was just gonna let us go?! I ask him disbelievingly. He sends me a glare before being gagged.

Barbossa smirks and turns to Elizabeth. 'Though, it does seem a shame to lose somethin' so fine, now dunnit lads?'

Murmurs of agreement from the crowd. 'Now I'll be havin' that dress back before you go...' Barbossa holds out his hand.

Elizabeth stands there looking absolutely appalled for a moment, but her expression quickly turns to defiance and she begins to unbutton her dress. When she finally get it off she throws it toward Barbossa muttering, 'Goes with your black heart...'

He presses it up to his cheeks. 'Oooh, it's still warm...'

More laughs from the crowd, to whom he throws the dress. Elizabeth then turns back to the rough, not-so inviting sea. By this point the pirates are louder than before, and even the damn monkey is hissing.

'I always liked you.' Jack says to Koehler. All he receives in return is a threatening grunt.

One last look to Will and the pirates have had enough.

'Too long!'

Down, down, down she goes...

Barbossa snaps his head in my direction and shouts, 'Your turn Mr. Sparrow!'

Bo'sun grabs Jack by the arm and shoves him on the plank. It's all that he can do to stay balanced.

'Y'know, Barbs, I'd very much rather if it _wasn't _me turn. In fact, I'm very content to just stay in the brig and wait out the long ride to the isle!' Jack says innocently to Barbossa. 'I'd rather not return to my, er,' Jack looks to the island, searching for the right word. '-Getaway.'

'Aye, I thought you might say something like that. Well, you see Jack...' Barbossa wraps his arm around our favorite captain in an exact imitation of the movie, just different words. 'I've known you long enough to have observed your odd behavior. I don't believe I've ever witnessed you murdering a soul on this earth.'

Nearly everybody's eyebrows raise and we all turn to Jack, who, for the first time in living memory, looks quite lost for words. Suddenly, Barbossa turns on his heel and take three steps toward my general direction. He grabs my sword and Jack's pistol on the way.

'You.'

I actually have to look behind me to see who he was talking to before I realize that he's addressing me. My clever response is, 'Uh...'

Oh yeah. I'm so slick.

He rolls his eyes and shoves the weapons into my tied hands. I barely have time to ask what he's doing, when he grabs me by the collar (that's the second time today) and starts dragging me toward the plank. 'Whoa, whoa whoa, get off!' I scream, trying to get his hands off me.

'Let's see if Jack Sparrow will let an innocent child die in his place, shall we?'

Cheers erupt from the silent crew and I only get a glimpse of Jack's horrified expression and Will's look of absolute outrage before Barbossa actually picks me up and throws me off the ship with _one hand._

I think, maybe, time slowed down a little bit while I was falling so I could thank the Lord (one that I don't believe in) that I'm not aqua phobic. Of course, time was not obligable to slow down enough for me to think of my next stupid plan, so it wasn't long before I felt the ice cold water of the sea swallowing me whole. I kick with my legs and propel myself to the surface. I notice that Jack is still standing up there looking horrified.

Now, I thought Jack would at least look a _little _relieved when he saw me, but when he did, his horrified expression was only magnified when what little color he still had drained from his face. It only took me a second to realize why.

No pistol in my hand.

'Oh crap!' I splutter, wondering how the hell I managed to keep my sword in my hand and not Jack's pistol. I was about to dive for a look, but Jack gets there before me. I'd take a moment to stand back and admire his amazing swimming skills, but I my mind was in too much a frenzy to even consider such a thing. A few seconds later a was able to get the ropes off my hands, hook the sword on my belt, and dive after him. Unfortunately, I didn't possess the un-godly swimming skills that he did, so I didn't get too far before having to come up for more air.

About forty five seconds later, the _Pearl _is sailing away pretty fast and Jack comes up, gasping for breath. He then dives back down.

For about five minutes I actually stay there and watch Jack come up and down for breath, his face looking more pained each time he surfaces. If I wasn't so scared of him at the time, I probably would've felt really bad for him.

I decided that it would be a better idea to find a place on the island than stay out here and risk getting strangled by Jack.

It takes me about twenty minutes to get back to the island where Elizabeth has already taken refuge on the sand. Soaking, I stand there looking at the character that always intrigued me in the movies. I realize that most people don't like her, but I thought that Elizabeth was quite an interesting character to watch. If I hadn't seen the third _Pirates _movie, I would've never guessed that she was going to grow into such a tough character.

Looking back towards the little dot on the horizon disappearing and reappearing on the surface of the water, I begin to wonder if Jack will ever come back. I look back to the only other living soul on the island and decide to make a conversation with our dearest Elizabeth.

'Hi.' I say.

No reply.

'My name is Ashley Sands.'

Still no reply.

'Oh... I get it. You're not answering me because you think I'm a pirate.' I take the time to sit next to her, feeling a bit embarrassed when she scoots away. 'Well, you don't have to worry about that, 'cause I'm not a pirate.'

At first I thought she was going to ignore me again, but then she spoke up.

'You've been branded.'

It took me a while to remember that my skin had been burned when I arrived here, so I took a glance toward my wrist. Elizabeth too looked at the "P" that was set in my hand.

'You're very perceptive, Lizzie,' I continue, taking a glance at Jack's (probably) now tired form. 'You don't seem to be having such a great time.'

'I'm surprised that a woman of your caliber was able to come to such a conclusion.'

Oh great. Now _she _doesn't like me.

After a bit of silence, she speaks up again. 'Why is Sparrow still out there?' she asked.

I took another glance at Jack. Still diving, he was.

'Oh, um... I kinda... lost something. It was his. He's probably trying to find it.'

'What could be that important to a pirate?' she asks, still staring at Jack.

'Well... You've heard about all the stories of "Captain" Jack Sparrow, right?' I receive a nod. 'Have you heard the story of how Barbossa marooned him on an island with nothing but a pistol?' Another nod. 'Well, this is that island. And the thing that I lost was the same pistol.'

Elizabeth raises her eyebrows in surprise. 'Wasn't he saving that one shot for the moment he gets to take his revenge upon his traitor?'

'Yeah, except I wouldn't put it that way. Fancy language isn't really my thing,' I comment, lying down into the sand. It only just occurred to me how badly my head hurt, remembering how Will had knocked me out.

I took another glance at Jack. _Still _going.

'How did you meet Sparrow?'

'We got locked up together,' I explained. 'Back in Port Royal.'

'I suppose Will let you out then?' she asked.

'Yep,' I replied. 'In exchange for our help.'

She let out an exasperated sigh. 'He's gone to too many lengths to save me. Now look what I've done...' She murmurs, balling her hands into fists.

'Don't be so hard on yourself,' I say. 'Trust me, I'm sure we can find a way off this place, we just need to get our hands a little dirty. And guess we're gonna have to be resourceful, too,' I add, looking at our surroundings.

Trees, trees, trees... oh yeah, and we have rum. Can't forget the rum.

'Oh really?' she turns to look at me fully, an expression of disbelief on her face. 'Well then Miss Sands, I'd love to hear your solution. Tell me, how do you propose we escape this dreadful place? Do take your time, we only have the span of about a day to save William!' She stands up and starts stalking away.

'Well gee, Miss PMS, no need to take it out on me,' I start following her, sparing another glance at Jack. I think he's just floating there now, but if he starts to drown himself, me and Elizabeth are gonna have to do something.

'Y'know, we _do _have Jack.' I point out, struggling to keep pace with her now. She can walk _really _fast.

'How does that help?' she asks, still walking along the beach.

'He's the one who escaped the island all them years ago, right? So we can just ask him to think up another way to get off the island.'

'...'

All I receive from her is silence as she contemplates my idea, but I do eventually get an answer. 'And if he doesn't agree to assist us?'

'Well,' I start, remembering Elizabeth's original plan in the movie (it was a priceless scene), 'we're two chicks on an island, I'm sure we can think of something!'

I catch up to her and put my arm around her shoulder. 'Now, I'm sure you're completely clueless as to why I'm using such odd slang, but you'll have to deal with my speech. If you want to get off this island, we're gonna have to be friends for a while, so...' I hold my hand out. 'Friends?'

She looks hesitantly at my hand, but shakes it nonetheless. 'Friends.'

'Awesome.' I reply, pulling my hand back. 'Now we'll have to get Jack to help us. I suggest alcohol-'

'What happened?'

It was so quiet, I barely heard when Jack spoke up behind me. Elizabeth and I spun around to find him sopping wet, trembling, and giving me a glare piercing enough to make Barbossa crawl under a rock and remain there until he died of starvation.

'I dropped your gun.' I said simply. I wasn't really sure of what I was supposed to do or say, because nobody in the movie had ever dealt with homicidal Jack. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.'

For a second, I thought his expression had softened. I looked around, realizing that Elizabeth had taken refuge in the trees about fifty feet away from where we were standing, leaving me alone with Jack.

'You're sorry...' he repeated under his breath. 'You think you can fool me, Sands?'

'I beg your pardon-?'

'This is your field, innit Sands? This is why you're a pirate. You ruin everything don't you?'

'Excuse me-?'

'I ask you specifically to NOT mess this up and to NOT get in my way, but yet you find yourself obliged to go against my every order, so now I _must _ask you, are you happy?'

'What's your problem-?'

'Are you happy that my revenge will never be complete? That I'll never feel whole again? These questions, Sands, are the reason I feel compelled to ask you once more-'

'What the HELL is your problem-?!'

'WHAT HAPPENED?!'

'Okay, I dropped your gun! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do it, it just happened, okay? I'm sorry!' I shouted in response before he could interrupt me. For a moment I thought he was gonna storm off, but that was far from the truth.

He grabbed me by the collar (okay, this is getting old) and started me dragging towards the trees, and it was all I could do to stay on my feet. I was screaming at him to let me go, but he seemed to be in some anger propelled trance. I don't think he heard me.

'LET GO!' I yelled one more time before throwing a right hook at his stomach. I caught him and he doubled over for a second which was long enough for me to get out of his grasp. He took a few shaky steps back. 'Don't touch me.' I said tiredly.

Silence followed. Jack straightened up and glared at me with hate that I've not seen in any other man. I was kinda getting scared by it.

'Jack,' I said. 'Jack, I'm really, _really _sorry-'

_CRACK._

I fell hard to the ground when Jack's fist collided with my jaw. There was now a stinging pain on my face, and I barely had time to look up at him before he stomped over to the shade, where I'm sure he would start looking for some alcohol to get wasted on. I sat there panting, completely aghast. He had just hit me.

Jack Sparrow just hit me.

I don't know, maybe I expected his hand to just fly right through my head. His fake movie hand.

Jack Sparrow just hit me.

I pressed my hand to the corner of my jaw where I'm sure a bruise was forming. The pain had started to ease but the shock hadn't worn off just yet. I could hear Elizabeth pestering Jack in the background about his escape methods. I would've been over there helping her, but my mind refused to work. For some reason, the fact that Jack now officially hated me was something to worry about. If it was Gibbs who hated me, I could probably care less.

That's why I stayed there and cried until night.

* * *

'WE'RE DEVILS, WE'RE BLACK SHEEP, WE'RE REALLY BAD EGGS, DRINK UP ME HEARTIES, YO-HO! YO-HO, YO-HO -owch- A PIRATE'S LIFE FOR ME! I love this song!'

'Hahaha!'

'Really bad eggs!'

I watched from a distance as Elizabeth set into motion her plan. Or I guess it's our plan, seeing as I kinda had to push her in the right direction. Jack was (as you already know) completely wasted, and probably had no recollection of hitting me. At the moment anyway. Still, I was fine where I was, and I had no problems with letting Elizabeth take things into her own hands for now.

'Y'know, when we get the _Pearl _back, I'm gonna teach it to the whole crew. And we'll sing it all the time!' Jack slurred when he and Elizabeth hit the ground.

'And you will be positively the most fearsome pirate in the Spanish Main!'

'Not just the Spanish main, luv...' he hiccuped. 'The entire ocean... The entire world! It's freedom, y'know luv? Free to do anything... I know a lot of things about freedom, eh?' Jack smiled at Elizabeth suggestively. She simply giggled in a drunken manner.

'I'm sure you do know a lot of things about freedom, Captain Sparrow,' Elizabeth laid down on the sand, taking another fake swig of rum.

'Oh, o' course I do! Y'see freedom isn't always an idea, it sometimes comes in the peculiar form of a ship... Get what I'm saying darling?'

Elizabeth simply looked at Jack drunkenly, waiting for his response. I knew what he was going to say already so I just kept my mouth shut.

He sighed at her lack of response. 'A ship is not just a keel an' a hull an' a deck an' sails- that's what a ship _needs. _But what a ship _is _-what the _Black Pearl _really is-is freedom...' He stared off into the distance.

'Oh Jack,' Elizabeth started, snuggling up close to him. 'It must be horrible for you to be stuck on this island.'

'Oh yes, but the company is infinitely better than last time... With a few exceptions of course,' he added, probably forgetting that I could hear. However, I was more concerned about Elizabeth, who was getting a full whiff of drunkeness that always radiated from Jack. 'And the scenery has definitely improved-'

'Mr. Sparrow!'

'Mmhmm?' He answered to Elizabeth's interruption.

'I'm not sure I've had enough rum to allow that kind of talk.' she smiled.

'I know _exactly _what you mean, luv!' he smirked and twirled his mustache. It was interesting to watch Elizabeth try and not gag whenever he got to close to her and still try to act drunk.

After pausing for a moment to regain her composure, Elizabeth thrust her bottle of rum in the air. I had an unopened bottle of rum sitting next to me, but I had refused to try it, as I was raised up to not go near any alcohol and didn't plan on breaking my morals just because I was in a movie. 'To freedom!'

Jack thought for a moment and raised his bottle as well. 'To the _Black Pearl._'

'To you two shutting the fuck up,' I added loud enough for them to hear, raising my unopened bottle. After nearly cracking open his bottle against Elizabeth's, he raised it to his lips and started chugging away until he was rendered unconscious.

'Bitcin'.' I got up and walked over to Elizabeth who was all to happy to get away from Jack. 'By the way, I'm sorry I had to do that to you. I'm not sure Jack would approve of having a few drinks with me at the moment. He'd get too suspicious.'

'Don't worry. It wasn't as hard as I had imagined.'

'You did good. Y'know, for somebody who was raised up to never _ever _do anything like that.'

'I don't suppose you would mind it if I asked you to not mention this to my father, would you? I'd never gain back his respect,' she asked worriedly.

I blinked. 'Why should it piss him off? I'm sure he'd understand if you did it to get off the island.'

She sighed. 'It doesn't matter what the situation is,' she started walking towards the rum cache, head down, 'I'm a noble. The governor's daughter. Can you imagine what that would do to him? Think of the gossip.' She shuddered at the thought.

I did too. "Governor's daughter gives up her pride to escape deserted island." It would probably be worse than that. And Elizabeth is worried for her _father._

'Yeah, I guess that would be a problem for you. But no worries, I'm not telling anybody, and nobody will believe Jack if he talks.' I gave a thumbs-up.

She copied my wierd (or wierd to her, at least) gesture and squinted in confusion. 'You're not from here, are you?'

'Ha, Will asked me the same thing,' I smirked. 'Nope. I'm a Westerner. Different accents, different lifestyles, different eccentricities.'

'Explains much...' she said opening the rum cache and tossing me a small barrel that was filled with rum. 'Do women usually dress like men in your country?'

'Psht, is that supposed to be an insult?' I asked jokingly.

'No, just an honest question. You _did _say that your country had different eccentricities,' she pointed out, tossing me another barrel, once I had thrown the previous barrel toward the trees.

'Yes, I suppose I did,' I conceded. 'Well, Miss Swann, while women in my country are more accustomed to dressing in thier own gender's set clothing, we do occasionally get a few wierdos. It's not that uncommon, actually,' I answered.

She nodded and tossed me a crate this time. It was a bit harder to throw this one because I couldn't count on the crate rolling far enough down the small hill to get near the other barrels. 'Are you one of those people?'

'Nah, I just got dragged into this mess, and a dress is _not _the most convenient thing to be wearing when your trying to climb a rope ladder on some ship.'

She was quiet for a while, passing me barrels and crates until all that was left were the bigger crates and barrels that would take two people to carry.

'You're only a child,' she said suddenly.

'Yeah,' I snorted. 'And in two years I'll be all readied up to be married, right?' I looked up to the sky and remembered something. 'What's the date?'

Elizabeth stopped to think. 'Well, it's been three days since I left Port Royal...'

'Four actually. It's probably about three o'clock.'

'Alright then, four. That would mean that it's February 13th.'

I stared for a moment. 'February 13th?'

Elizabeth looked at me, not knowing how this was significant. 'Yes, the thirteenth. Why?'

I started to laugh softly. And then I started laughing hysterically.

Wiping tears from my eyes, I regained my composure and looked up at Elizabeth, remembering what's supposed to happen the day that Elizabeth and Jack get off the island, and thinking how ironic it was that it was the thirteenth of February.

'It's my birthday and I didn't even know it.'

* * *

Imagine getting to shoot Barbossa on your birthday. It would be magnificent XD


	9. About Time, Mr Norrington

I'm back lolz.

Right, so before anybody starts bitching and moaning, this is a _filler _chapter. That's why it's so short. There's not much to do with the island scenes, unless your OC likes staring at the horizon with Elizabeth. You kinda have to play around with this scene to make something out of it, and I didn't want to complete rape the characters personalities so I kept it short in order to not fuck it up too much.

I really don't like this chapter too much. I sorta rewrote the last scene a few times because Jack turned out all aksdlfjadfldgak. After a while I kinda went 'Fuck this' and left it the way it is now. Also, I have no fucking clue when the sun rises in the Caribbean, so if any of my readers are Jamaican or something, feel free to clear that up for me. I'll feel like a moron afterwords, but whatever.

Oh god, me-loves-demon-barber, you're review made me laugh.

"i am very pissed at jack for punching her  
but she kind of diserved it..."

I hope my future reviewers follow you're example. 'Cause we all know Ashley deserves every ounce of pain she gets XD

So here's a great big THANXLAWLS to everybody who reads, favs, reviews, and alerts this story. My self-esteem would plummet to nothing if you guys weren't here :P

Continue on my friends, and leave a nice juicy review when you're done, ok?

* * *

**Chapter 9 - About Time, Mr. Norrington**

We spent the next few painstaking hours tossing barrel and crates while at the same time trying to avoid waking up Jack. It was exhausting, especially for someone like me who wasn't used to back-braking work and hadn't slept in what felt like ages! The work seemed to be getting to Elizabeth as well, but she seemed to be coping with it much better than I was.

But still, I was so _tired._ I had been working for hours (four), and I was so damn _hungry, _and I wanted something to _drink. _My legs felt like they were going to give out at any second and my eyes were becoming heavier and heavier, and my spine felt like it had snapped and pierced the skin of my back, and I just wanted to _go to sleep_. Most of all, I wanted a _bath. _A proper _bath._

Ugh... This is horrible. I want to go home.

The barrels we had stacked were strategically placed where they would catch the wind and blow it into more of the trees. We were keeping most of the smaller crates to fuel the fire and keep it going and we had somehow managed to cut down some wood using my sword. This all had taken about five hours and the sun was just starting to show over the horizon, showering the entire island with a pinkish glow that really did make the place look beautiful.

'It's gotta be at least seven o'clock. Why isn't it brighter?' I asked when the childish curiosity got the better of me.

'Because it's the Caribbean.' Elizabeth answered simply.

It hadn't really caught my attention before, seeing as I was either too occupied with the jobs that Jack had given me or dealing with the movie story-line, but although we were in the Caribbean, everything about the atmosphere seemed different. The air was much easier to breathe in. It had the fresh, crisp feel to it. The trees seemed greener (though they wouldn't be for long), the ocean seemed to be more sparkly, the sky seemed bluer... Everything was just sorta defined and original, they were how they were meant to be, un-polluted and un-tarnished.

This revelation had taken my thoughts back to Jack. It was odd to know that people like him could exist in such a nice world. Well, I guess exist isn't the right way to put it- I just wonder how much bullshit you have to go through to become the person that Jack has become. It's not like he just sprang into existence the way he is now, clever, witty, strong. I wonder where he grew up and I wonder how good his relationship with his parents were and I wonder if he ever fell in love. I've been wondering a lot about him lately. I've been wonderful.

But all joking aside, it was really infuriating not knowing anything about him. Every guy wanted to be the kind of person he was, but you can't just _become _a person. Again, I really wondered how many hardships he had faced, how many friends he had lost, how many people he's killed. Of course, I could've read the Jack Sparrow books that were out there, but I read one and I thought it was complete bullshit. I don't know, maybe it was just because I didn't like the idea of a young Jack Sparrow. Besides, Arabella wasn't THAT great of a character.

There certainly had to be books about him in this world. Elizabeth said she had read about all his adventures and stuff in books. Though, it doesn't seem like I'll be getting hold of a library anytime soon. But Gibbs said he knew about Jack back when he was younger, so I guess I can just ask him when I get the chance. Or I could just ask the man himself.

I made a mental note in my head to ask Jack about his past as soon as he didn't feel like killing me. Then again, he probably won't give me any answers, but it's always worth a try.

Still, my mind wandered farther into it's curiosity about him. I wondered how he managed to go from my idol one day, to a man that I so disliked the next. And then I thought it would stay there at the level of dislike where I could tolerate him, but things went downhill from there. It the span of five days I managed to not only hate him more than I would a normal person, but I managed to get him to the point where he decided to punch me. So yeah, I'm EPIC.

Not only did I dislike Jack I felt insulted by him. Barbossa had picked me to go overboard on the assumption that Jack would follow because I was a _child _and Jack Sparrow would _never _let a child die in _his _place, that would be absurd!

But _no, _Jack had gone after me so he could get his _gun, _his precious_ gun_, because the gun meant _everything _Jack Sparrow. Screw the damn _person, _his GUN was sinking!

So in a way, making the signal wasn't just a way to get off the island. It was my feeble attempt at revenge.

_Or maybe not so feeble, _I thought, staring at the huge pile of crates that would soon be set aflame.

'That should be the last of them,' I say, helping Elizabeth put down an unusually large crate right in the middle of the pile. 'Finally!' I exclaimed, stretching my arms out. 'I'm beat. You?'

'As well,' she replied, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand. 'The fire doesn't look as if it's gone out yet. Perhaps we should use that to light the signal?'

'Yeah, I'm not up to rubbing two sticks together for six hours,' I sigh and we walk over to the fire, which did seem to be losing it's strength. 'Oh well. We won't be needing _this _fire after we're done.'

We both picked up a piece of wood that was lit at the end and went over to the huge pile. It only just occurred to me how much we had done in the span of one night.

'Right, well, I'll start with that side and you can start here.' I pointed to the spot nearest us. 'Light up different spots so it spreads faster, then get the hell out of there cause it's gonna blow up and it's gonna blow up fast.'

'Right. Shall we get this done and over with, then? I'd like off this island as soon as possible.'

'Why, of course Miss Swann.'

We both smirk mischievously. I'm pretty sure that all of our prior accomplishments would be nothing compared to what we're doing now. I skipped over to the opposite side from where Elizabeth was standing, and held up the stick in my hand.

'Here's to you Jack Sparrow!'

I lit the barrel in front of me and started light other crates in separate places. I could see the fire slowly creep towards the middle of the pile where the crates were bigger. It only took ten minutes for the entire thing to start going up in flames.

I ran over to Elizabeth who was still checking her half of the pile. I grabbed her arm and started running in the opposite direction of the fire.

'Time to go. NOW!' I said when she ran slowly. It could've only been five seconds afterwords when the whole thing exploded, causing a bit of a mushroom cloud.

'Ugh...' Elizabeth groaned from her new-found place on the ground. The explosion had knocked us to the sand.

I moaned, rubbing my neck, and slowly got to my feet. Looking around, I observed the place where several trees were standing ten seconds ago. They were immediately reduced to ash by the flames.

'He's _still _asleep?!' Elizabeth asked in disbelief, staring at Jack's unconscious form.

'I guess he's had a lot to drink. Oh well,' I added jokingly as an afterthought, 'if he did wake up, he'd try and salvage as much rum as he could...' We both stare up at our handiwork. When I looked up at her, I could tell that Elizabeth was proud of herself. In one night she managed to seduce a pirate, pile up about a hundred crates and barrels, and cause a huge explosion, killing about half of the islands vegetation in the process. I had to give it to her though: Pride was building up in my stomach too.

Needless to say, this could possibly be the coolest birthday present _ever_.

'Before I thought it would be better to start fueling the fire immediately, but now that I look at it...' she trails off.

'Yeah, your right,' I agree, 'I'm not going near that thing when it's that big.'

'Perhaps we should wake Sparrow?' She averts her stare back to him. 'The flames could burn him.'

'Screw Jack, he can get burned. That's what he gets for hitting me, anyway,' I reply, sending a glare in his direction, as if he could actually notice it. In the corner of my eye, I see Elizabeth furl her brows in confusion. She turns her full attention to me.

'Jack doesn't seem to like you very much,' she says casually.

'Heh,' I chuckle, 'Is that your attempt at subtlety?'

She gives me a sympathetic smile but keeps quiet, waiting for a reply.

I sigh. 'Yeah, we really didn't get off on the right foot. I'm just extra weight to him, y'know. Just another person to take care of.' I look back up at the flames. Smoke of epic proportions was spiraling into the clean Caribbean air. It would be impossible for nobody to notice it.

'It was back in the jail back at Port Royal. We were in the same cell.' I grimaced as the painful memories of watching a cannon ball flying towards my face came rushing back to me. 'Jack struck the deal with Will, and we boogied on out of there. I'd tell you how we managed to steal an entire ship, but that's a story '

She nodded and followed my gaze up to the flames. We stayed quiet for a few minutes, waiting for the smoke to cool down.

'Will said that you struck the deal with him, not Jack.'

I turn my gaze to Elizabeth, confused. 'Will said that a girl named Ashley had struck the deal with him and Jack followed. That's you, is it not?'

I turned away remembering the day that Will had helped Jack and I escape from jail. I concentrated on the moment Will had turned to me after Jack had refused to help him.

_Dude, if you can get me out of here, I swear I'll help you._

'Yeah, I guess I did.'

I yawned and leaned back into the sand. The cool Caribbean air and the warmth of the sand was inviting: it was hard not to fall asleep. Still, the fire was getting to the point where we were gonna have to fuel it up again.

'I'm exhausted,' I groaned, rubbing my aching back. 'I hope Norrington knows what he's doing, 'cause Barbossa isn't gonna wait for us to come to Will's rescue before he slits his throat and drains him until he's prunish.'

Elizabeth stared at me, startled. 'I thought they only needed his blood!'

Wow, that sounded girly and naïve.

'Yeah, and what happens after that?' I asked, thinking logically. 'You think they're gonna make him their maid?' Elizabeth groans in frustration and buries her head in her palms.

'Damn...' I heard her curse. Knowing that Will was more than safe (or, he will be, quite soon), I took pity on her.

'Look, with the damage that the _Pearl _took, chances are, it's not going to reach the island until tonight. As long as we get off this hell-hole real fast, we should get there fast enough to prevent Will's untimely, but rather predictable death.

She nods and looks at the waning flames. The fire had calmed down but smoke was still spiraling into the sky. I sensed that she no longer wanted to talk about it, and I changed the subject. 'I think we should add some crates now...'

She agreed and we grabbed a few containers, chucking them at the pile. Each one exploded when they hit the ground, starting a new fire. Still, the smoke went higher.

At the most, it would take three hours for Norrington to see the smoke. It had to be visible from miles away.

Speaking of Norrington, I wonder how he'll turn out to be.

So far, most of the people I've met here were pretty much in sync with their movie character, with the exception of Jack. Well, maybe not Jack. It's just that we never get to see the super-fucking-pissed-off Jack in the movies. All you see is goofy, lovable Jack. Still, Norrington could be much different. There are so many things that he could do wrong that would totally mess up my chances of getting home. He might refuse to listen or negotiate with us, he could refuse to rescue Will, he could refuse to rescue US...

That's a lot of weight on my shoulders.

I cracked open a crate with a coconut and started throwing individual bottles into the fire. Some odd idea that struck me, I guess.

Norrington was always the most interesting character to me. He loves Elizabeth, and then he doesn't love Elizabeth, and then he loves Elizabeth again. He despises Will, he admires Will, he despises Will again. He hates Jack, then... Well, he just hates Jack. He doesn't seem to be the kind of person that likes being outsmarted. Plus, he's a big-headed, but noble guy, and don't see those everyday. Then again, I wouldn't want to see him everyday like Elizabeth has.

I can't see him as a bad guy, though.

I looked over at Jack. It seemed as if the smoke was pushing him into lighter stages of sleep. I looked at the flames and decided that they were all fueled up for now.

I didn't sit down, though. I stood there and thought (because I can't seem to get make a lasting conversation with Elizabeth).

Norrington is supposed to die at the end... I wondered if I'd be able to stop it somehow. His death doesn't really do much to the story line, it just makes Elizabeth emo. If he didn't die...

I shook my head. No. Ashley stop. There will be no changing of the story-line.

Besides, I might not even make it to the third movie. The forces that be might send me home by then, and I'll end up never meeting Davy Jones or Beckett or any of those scary fish guys...

'STOP! NO! Not good!' I heard Jack from his place on the ground. Elizabeth and I both turned after throwing in one last crate. 'No, no, no, no, no, no... Very bad! What're you two doing!? You're burning all the food! The shade, the _rum!_'

'Yes Jack. The rum is gone,' I said calmly, knowing he would do no harm to me anymore. I looked at the signal. 'Look at it, Jack. Isn't it wonderful?'

He turned to me with an anguished expression. 'Why?! Why did you burn the rum?!'

'One,' Elizabeth started, 'because rum is a vile drink that turns EVEN the most respectable men into COMPLETE scoundrels, _two,'_ she pointed overhead, 'that signal is over a thousand feet high! The entire royal navy is out looking for me right now. Do you really think that there's even the slightest chance that _they won't see it?!'_

Jack paused to think of an answer. 'But why is the rum gone?'

Elizabeth and I simultaneously roll our eyes. 'Jack, be rational. Our first priority is to get off this island, and this is the only way to make a signal big enough for anybody to notice. Unless of course you can throw a stick really far,' I added.

'Just wait Captain Sparrow!' Elizabeth stomped over to the sand, sat down and entangled her limbs so tightly it seemed unlikely that she would ever unknot them. 'Give it one hour, maybe two, keep a weather eye out, and you will see white sails on that horizon!'

Jack was enraged. He reached for his belt and found that his gun wasn't there.

_Because Batman stole it._

Just kidding.

He sent me a hate-filled glare.

'Jack, I'm sorry. Really.' I said simply. I watched him stomp off towards the other side of the island, obviously talking to himself. I sighed and looked at Elizabeth who was defiantly staring at the horizon as if willing a navy ship to appear. 'Should I go talk to him?'

She shrugged and blew the hair out of her face. 'Go ahead,' she said. 'I don't care.'

I shrugged and trudged through the sand to where Jack was marching off. It took me a while to get to him: he had quite the head start.

Damn. Not looking forward to this.

'Uh... Jack?'

'Must've been terrible for you to be trapped here Jack - Must've been terrible - WELL IT BLOODY IS NOW!' he screamed, flailing his arms around. I raised an eyebrow, but continued my attempt to talk to him. I searched my mind for the right thing to say. I've already said I'm sorry, but there's no point in trying to make him mad... 'Right, Jack, well... Don't be mad, really, we're just trying to help-'

Jack turns on the spot to stare at me, a look of incredulity plastered on his face. 'Pardon?' He asks. 'Help?'

'Uh- I mean-' I stutter, trying to think of a proper response. I'm not exactly sure what he wants to hear. Jack rolls his eyes.

'You lose me my ship.' He holds up his index finger, signaling one. 'You lose me my gun.' Another finger, signaling two. 'You burn my island, you burn my _rum, _you destroy my chances of _finding _me ship, and now you've killed Turner, too. What else do you plan on destroying? My dignity to live, perhaps?' I watch as he counts off a few of my many mistakes. 'Tell me, Sands, do you have a secret grudge against me, or is there some other form of hate that lies within your tiny brain that requires you to mess up _everything?!_ Or are you really that dim-witted?'

Instead of answering (I couldn't have if I tried, words were lost on me), I opted to stare at my feet, where his eyes couldn't bore into me. I swallowed hard and stayed silent.

'You _whine _and you _moan _about doing the littlest amount of bloody work, and you _bitch _to _everybody _about how unfairly you're treated, whilst you go on and bugger everybody else's day with your rubbish!' he shouts. 'You annoy others for no apparent reason, and you expect _me _to tolerate you. Christ, Sands, is there ANYBODY more bloody useless than you?!' he asks, feigning curiosity. At this point I'm feeling terrible as I hear several of my worst traits being shouted at me.

'You act as though you _know _everybody, Sands, and trust me, you don't.'

Okay, ow, my feelings.

Right, so now I feel terrible. Sure, I knew that is things went as planned, everything would turn out peachy-keen, but that didn't really stop the guilt. This guy had hope. Yesterday, this guy had hope. He had a glimmer of hope and glint of a miracle shining before him. Yesterday, he was going to get everything back. The circumstances were _perfect_. And I had messed it all up. _Just by existing._

My guilt pauses for a moment to realize that Jack isn't talking very pirate-like at the moment. I guess he does that when he's mad.

'You are _thirteen,' _he says, unaware that I had turned a year older a few hours ago. 'Why are you so eager to be here?'

I really don't have anything to say. I'm continue staring at my feet.

I hear Jack take a few deep breaths. I'm pretty sure he'd like to stop looking like a fucking lunatic who likes screaming at poor defenseless children, so I understand when he slaps a hand to his forehead.

'Right.' He swallows. 'Right, so do you have anything to say that I want to hear?' he asks in a matter-of-factly voice.

I look up just the slightest bit. I'm staring at the water now, which is a better sight than the sand.

'Yeah, I do.'

Man, the first few hours of being fourteen were really shitty.

'Excellent. Spit i' out'

I point over Jack's shoulder to the place on the water that I was staring at.

'Norrington's here.'

Jack's eyes widen in surprise and he looks over his shoulder for confirmation. A moment later I hear a frustrated sigh. 'There'll be no living with 'er after this.'

I shake my head, despite the fact that he doesn't see me. 'None at all.'

Jack turns around, slaps a hand on my shoulder and we start walking back to Elizabeth.

'Right, Jack. Plan. Now.'

'Workin' on it.'

* * *

Oh Jack. He just needed to get that off his chest. Reviews are greatly appreciated!


	10. We're on the Road Again

School started. Piles of homework ajslfhksalkhakdfsf.

Yeah.

(OMG OMG OMG, guess what I learned from my dad! MY ANCESTORS WERE ACTUALLY PIRATES!!! This probably has something to do with my ancestors from my dad's side being from Norway, lawls)

Heads up, this is a really Jack-less chapter. Dunno, he didn't really fit in.

Right, so I'm just gonna skip over my usual apologies and get right to it. This is, once again, a filler chapter (blatantly ignoring the fact that it's a bit longer than the last chapter). This fact is evident by the long and pointless _BATHING _scene, and lack of Norrington, who, despite actually being a more central character in this story than _Elizabeth, _seems to be seriously lacking in this chapter. Curiously enough, I do actually like this chapter, probably because it's the only one (the only _planned _one at least) where Ashley gets a break.

(Yes, Norrington is a very important character in this story. Probably second behind Jack. Maybe even third because Beckett... Well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.)

I must also ask your forgiveness about Elizabeth in this chapter. I know some of you out there are devoted Elizabeth fans and you don't want her portrayed as a snarky bitch, but I tried to write her as realistically as I could. Just remember that Elizabeth is not a _saint, _and she never even liked Ashley in the first place. She just used her to get off the island. Elizabeth _does in fact _know how to use people, and I'm sure she's completely willing to spare the life of some idiot she-pirate.

Yes, Ashley is actually THAT stupid to believe that Elizabeth wanted to be friends with her. That what she gets for being from 2008.

The ONE thing I wanted to do with this story is to show people what the characters would _really _act like if they met some stupid fangirl from 2008. That there's _no way _they would fall in love with them, or tolerate them just like that. That stuff takes TIME. And time isn't really present in the first Pirates movie. I mean it takes place in what? A week?

And y'know. I kinda wanted to put myself into the plot. Like all self-inserters do.

_AAAAAANYWAYSSSSS, _some people seem to be confused as to what I'm going to do with Barbossa's death now that Jack lost his pistol.

COME ON!!! Geez, people, do you all REALLY think Norrington is stupid enough to send Jack into a cave _filled to the brim with pirates_ without a GUN??? The whole reason Jack lost his gun in this story was to make something _personal _happen between Jack and Ashley. Something to make him _really _hate her. This was _also _to make Ashley realize that her presence is going to change things A LOT.

ONE MORE THING. The whole brand thing in this chapter? That's relevant. Very much so. Well... Not so much in this story but in the next one, yeah, watch out for that.

Without further adieu, read on. AND REVIEW.

Please?

**EDIT: **Whoops, forgot to add the last line XD Been planning on it for months.

* * *

There could not have been a better time for Norrington to show up. My throat feels like it's stuffed with cotton, and my stomach feels as though it were disintegrating in my body. I haven't gotten a wink of sleep since _forever. _I felt ready to collapse where I stood as I reached down to pull on my boots and grab my sword and pistol. I looked over to Jack and wasn't surprised to see him grimace as he reached for his lone sword. He obviously felt a bit naked without his gun, seeing as he had been carrying it around with him for twelve years.

Before long Norrington and Governor Swann had reached our spot on the island, along with a few soldiers, and the latter of the two wasted no time pulling Elizabeth into a tight hug.

'Oh, thank God you're safe, Elizabeth!' he exclaimed.

Elizabeth simply stayed silent and returned the hug, obviously relieved to see someone so familiar, despite her worry for Will. Norrington looked pleased as ever.

I stayed quiet, seeing as I really had no place in the convo and took to staring at Norrington and Governor Swann. It was the first time I was seeing them up close. Norrington looked, of course, as per the usual, taller than he did in the movie and was radiating authority, with his gleaming sword, which had been unsheathed sometime on the way over here and his magnificent (in my opinion) commodore's uniform. He looked pretty snazzy.

However, real life seemed to have the opposite affect on Governor Swann than it did on everybody else: He looked much shorter than he did in the movies.

Still... That WIG.

'Yknow, we helped make her safe!' Jack said hopefully. Norrington who had been assuring Elizabeth that he had barely slept the past few days for worry, turned his full attention to Jack.

'Ah, Mr. Sparrow,' he said with a smug smile widening over his face. 'We meet again.'

'Indeed,' Jack replied, a pleasant smile on his face. I noticed that the smile didn't reach his eyes, but I'm not sure anybody else did. 'Though, this time you seem to have accomplished something.'

'Tch. For once.' I mumbled to myself.

'Men,' Norrington motioned to the soldiers to take our weapons. I simply handed my effects to the officers: I'd rather they didn't grab me. Norrington took a moment to examine Jack's stuff. Very reminiscent.

'I see you haven't changed a bit. But where, may I ask, is the pistol?' he asked mockingly. Jack's fists clenched under the irons that were already around his wrists. 'Why would you rid yourself of the only possession that worked properly?'

'Because this is the only pistol I need,' Jack said, pointing at his... ahem. 'And it works _great.'_

'No worries then,' Norrington grimaced in disgust and turned to me.

Heh... Okay, this is just intimidating.

'Um... Hello.'

'Greetings,' said Norrington, 'You are?'

I didn't answer immediately, for lack of anything to say.

... Fuck it.

'I'm... not a pirate.'

Stares. And an amused look from Jack.

'Really?' Norrington said sarcastically. Fortunately, it seems as if he doesn't remember me. I certainly hope so.

'Really.'

'Is that so? I was told by one of my lieutenants that a young girl of about your age had played a part in the commandeering of the vessel _Interceptor.'_

I hate you, Karma.

'Wasn't me! I'm not a pirate!'

Out of patience, Norrington grabbed my arm and pulled back my sleeve.

And, uh, y'know, the gods hate me. So... Big dramatic moment.

No brand.

* * *

Right so, Jack's big-ass smirk was wiped off his face a long time ago. As he stares at me, the only thing I seem to be able to read from his expression is this:

'I'll fucking kill you.'

Yeah, not feeling too secure at the moment.

'But we have to save Will!' Elizabeth screams at her father. For a moment, I feel like shouting at him too, but I quickly remember that I was generously offered a stay here on the _Dauntless _(which, by the way, is totally made of sex). I keep my mouth shut and try to stay as unnoticeable as possible.

'No,' the Guv says flatly, 'We will return to Port Royal immediately, not go galavanting after pirates!'

'Then we condemn him to death! Another _dangerous_ pirate off the high seas!' she said, sarcasm in her last sentence.

'Elizabeth, I understand your concern,' her father said calmly, 'but William made his choice. He will have to bear the consequences.'

'Coincidentally, young William happens to be on the _Black Pearl_!' Jack shouted, no longer staring at me as if I would start bleeding through my orifices, and attempting to sway the situation into his favor. Everybody turned to look at him.

'Now-' he shook free of Mullroy and Murtogg's hold- 'If I may be so bold as to inject my professional opinion-' he walked up to Norrington- 'The _Pearl_ was listing near the scuppers after the battle that you were unfortunate enough to miss,' (I sensed the meaning in the words, though I'm not sure anybody else did) ' It's very unlikely they'll be able to make good time...Think about it. The _Black Pearl_. The last _real _pirate threat in the Caribbean. How can you pass that up?' he asked hopefully.

For a minute I was sure things were actually going to go a bit smoother and that Norrington would accept, but once again, the gods made things harder for me.

'By remembering that I serve _others, _Mister Sparrow, not only myself,' and he began to walk up the stairs to the rudder.

I look towards Elizabeth who seems to be struggling for words.

That was my cue to intervene. 'Uh... Elizabeth? Don't tell me you don't know what to do.'

She rolled her eyes and looked at me. 'Of course I know what to do.'

She ran forward and grabbed the railing. 'James please, do this for me. As a wedding gift.'

Norrington turned around. Countless eyebrows disappeared behind hats. Governor Swann looked as if Christmas had come early.

'Elizabeth! Are you accepting the Commodore's proposal?' he asked happily.

'I am.'

'Weddings! I LOVE weddings!' Jack shouted, breaking the awkward silence. 'Drinks all around!' The surrounding soldiers frowned. 'I know... Clap 'em in irons, eh?' he said, holding up his wrists.

Norrington blinked, bringing himself back to reality. He started walking back down the steps. 'Mister Sparrow, you will accompany these fine men to the helm where you will give us a bearing to Isla de Muerta. You will then spend the rest of the voyage contemplating all meaning of the phrase, "silent as the grave." Do I make myself clear?'

'_Inescapably _clear.'

He was then grabbed by the aforementioned soldiers and taken up to the helm. Norrington let out a satisfied sigh, turned to me and smiled.

Right, so a little clarification here.

We have since established that I am NOT a pirate, but a a tragic victim of the infamous Jack Sparrow. Gillette, fortunately, seems to have forgotten what I look like (THANK GOD). I have been offered a stay at the ship and at Port Royal until we "find my parents," and I've been treated like a princess ever since.

"Ever since" consisting of about thirty minutes. I still haven;t had enough time to register the level of heaven I'm experiencing.

'Miss Sands, I must apologize for my conduct earlier. I was under false impressions and I did not mean it,' he smiles pleasantly.

One bad thing about the late 18th century? Women get treated like children.

'Oh, I don't blame you,' I reply, looking down at my clothes. I mean seriously, what I would do for pair of pants.

Norry's gaze followed my own down to my ragged clothes and my messed up hair. I heard him quietly intake a breath in disgust and he turned around to check Elizabeth's condition, which I'm sure he hadn't thought about until now. And I've got to say, she looks just as terrible as me, if not worse. I have to stop myself from laughing when I hear Norrington say, 'Oh God,' under his breath.

'Eh, why don't you run along with Miss Swann and see if we can't find you some proper dress? Perhaps maybe a bath?' he said as kindly as he could without showing his disgust.

'Gladly,' I comply, walking over to Elizabeth and tugged on her sleeve (she seemed to be lost in a trance). 'You wouldn't happen to know where we could find a bath, would you? Some clean clothes too?'

Elizabeth glanced down at her clothes and cringed. 'I do, in fact. C'mon'

I follow Elizabeth down to the other side of the Ship and to lower levels, ignoring the constant whistles from various crew members. Gee, you'd think they would lay off the Commodore's _fiancee._

We look through a few doors, as Elizabeth's memory of the ship seems to be a bit spotty. I however, was in no place to complain, as it probably would've taken me _days _to completely memorize the layout of the ship, merely because of it's shear size. After slapping away a few stray hands from passersby and grabbing some clothes from a spare bedroom, we stumble across an empty hallway and check a few doors.

'What about here-? Oh-! Yeah, I found one!' I shout to Elizabeth at the other end of the hallway.

'Really? That means- Ah-ha! Here's one too!' She opened the door next to mine.

'You take that one, and I'll go in here.'

And she disappeared behind her door.

I did as well, not wasting any time shedding my clothes and jumping into the bath tub. It was already full of warm water and I sighed as I let my long hair fan out and float on the surface of the water. I sat there for a while, bathing in the glory. I hadn't slept in about thirty-something hours (thirty-something hours that were spent making mashed potatoes, finding an island that can't be found, being thrown onto an enemy ship, _just barely_ fighting in a huge battle, ruining somebody's chance at the perfect revenge, getting punched in the face by said person, making a big ass fire out of alcohol and wood, and, _oh yeah, _having a few of my worst qualities shouted at me), and it took every ounce of my strength to not fall asleep right then and there. I felt like I was in a jacuzzi in my own penthouse.

The _ultimate _luxury.

I was disgusted to see that the water had turned slightly darker while I was just sitting there. I looked at the counter that was right next to the wooden tub and grabbed the bar of soap. I rubbed it aggressively against my skin, on my arms, legs, neck, everywhere. No bit of dirt was safe and I intended to get as clean as possible. I scrubbed myself about four times before I decided that I was sufficiently clean. And I still wasn't satisfied.

I looked down at the water below me. Bits of dirt was floating at the top, sand was clustering at the bottom, and I don't even want to know what that white stuff is.

There was no way I was washing my hair in this mess.

I looked around in a panic, but was immediately calmed. In my haste in seemed as if I had failed to notice the other seven bath tubs in the room. Then I remembered that it was usually _men _that vacated this ship.

I jumped into the nearest bath tub and looked around on the counter for something resembling shampoo. No such luck. But there were bath salts!

I grabbed the small package and dumped the entire contents into the water. I swished it around a little bit, praying that a few bubbles would start appearing.

Andddddd..... YAY! I have succeeded!

When a few hopeful bubble spring up to the surface, I start vigorously swishing the water around until the surface is full of bubbles. I grab a handful and start scrubbing it into my hair, trying to get all of the dirt out of it. God, there's a whole bunch of stuff in it, food crumbs, sea salt, loose hairs, and maybe even a little blood if I'm lucky.

My hair alone was enough to once again make the water dirty. Eww.

I looked around once more for something that might serve as a shaver.

And of course, 18th century England is not perfectly equipped for my needs, which means I have to use what I've got.

That straight razor is kinda daunting though.

I grabbed the soap and started lathering my legs. As I started scraping the razor against my legs, random questions started popping up in my head, like 'When was shaving cream invented?' and 'Is this razor even made for legs?'

I spent the good part of an hour getting all hygiened up. Don't even ask how long it took to brush my hair. I'm just glad they had hair ribbons.

I pulled on the spare soldiers outfit (which, miraculously, seems to fit). I looked at myself in a mirror that was propped up against the wall (it happened to be stained with something that looked eerily like blood, but I did my best to ignore it), and I deemed myself as fit enough to walk into the deck and face the harsh sea as I know it.

Okay, so maybe it's not that dramatic, but whatever.

I triumphantly march out of my bathing room and glance around to see if Elizabeth was there.

Of course not. Whatever.

I seriously consider just walking into one of the spare bedrooms me and Elizabeth stumbled into on our search for the ever illusive bathing room and just fall asleep in it, but I refrained only because I thought it rude. I instead looked for Norrington (he was the only person I thought I should ask), and, sidestepping into a cupboard for a few minutes simply to avoid Gillette, I found the newly engaged commodore walking briskly down a hallway.

I waited until he was passing me to say something. 'Uh, Commodore?'

I watched as Norrington paused mid-stride and looked around. I sighed when I realized that I was too short for him to notice me.

Dammit, this guy is tall.

'Uh... Down here.'

He blinked and looked down to my position, and smiled once more.

'Ah, Miss Sands. What may I do for you?'

Must - not - succumb - to - charm-

'This ship wouldn't happen to have a spare bedroom I could use, could it?'

'Of course. Carutthers!' Norrington waved over a skinny-looking soldier who looked as if he could use a good meal. 'Please show Miss Sands to her room.'

Another quick smile and he was off.

(My knees suddenly felt kind of weak.)

'Right, so uh... This way, ma'am'

He led me all the way up to the deck. This was a pretty memorable experience, as I got my first glimpse at the cannon's and all that stuff (this guy took a different route than when Elizabeth and I came down), and I've got to say, there's a much different atmosphere when there are impressive soldiers around and order is set. When there were pirates running the show it was kinda... chaotic.

Well, anyways, I nervously followed behind Carutthers, doing my best to ignore the stares, eventually reaching the deck.

And y'know how in the movies Elizabeth got a room right next to the stairs that led to the helm? I got the room on the other side.

And it is _lavish._

Noticing my stunned disbelief when we entered the room, Carutthers said, 'Erm, I certainly hope it is to your liking, ma'am.'

After a few more seconds of silence I turned my head to face him. 'It's fucking _perfect.'_

I watched his eyebrows shoot up into his hat. 'I'll, er, leave you to your effects,' and he bowed out of the room, closing the door behind him, leaving me to examine the room further.

The glazed windows were draped with curtains that I'm sure cost a pretty penny. The floor was covered with an elaborate rug that stretched over the entire floor. There was an elegant chandelier hanging from the ceiling, all candles lit, emitting a soft glow. Propped up against the wall was a desk with several more lit candles. But nothing looked more welcoming than the huge bed that sat to the side of the room, canopy and all.

I climbed into it, neglecting to take off my shoes and got under the covers.

And I. Just. Collapsed.

* * *

Poke.

'Geroff.'

Poke, poke.

'Stoppit.'

POKE, POKE, POKE-

'What!?' I snap at the perpetrator.

'I'm bringing you food, girl,' said Elizabeth laying down a tray of what indeed seems to be edible stuff. 'And I need to talk to you.'

I blink as I sit up straight in my bed. Apparently, I've been lowered to "girl" status. I hate you, brand.

'Alright. What's up?' I ask, spreading butter on the toast.

Instead of answering, she simply grabs my hand and pulls up my sleeve. Now, I wouldn't normally be bothered by this, but I was holding my toast with that hand and it went flying over to the other side of the room.

Ah, I was gonna eat that. Elizabeth, you lose awesomeness points for that.

For the second time today I glance down at my wrist with disdain. Still no P.

Elizabeth let out an exasperated sigh and looked me in the eye.

'If you're looking for an explanation, you're not going to get one.'

She stared. 'So you have no idea why this happened?'

'Nope.'

She sighed again, and wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. 'I am done with these curses and magical coins and disappearing brands.'

'Ditto,' I replied, shoving a forkful of eggs into my mouth due to my lack of toast.

Awkward silence envelopes us. I'm pretty sure she feels badly about disrupting my nap, and serves her right: It was I nice goddamn nap.

'I am never taking my bath tub for granted again,' says Elizabeth suddenly.

'Neither am I,' I agree, 'Never ever.'

I look up at her. She seemed agitated and nervous. Maybe even afraid.

'Worried about Will?' I ask. She nodded. 'Don't worry, he's a smart guy. Most of the time, anyways,' I add, remembering how he had knocked me out.

'It's not just that. What are we going to do when we get to Isla de Muerta? Barge in there with our pitchforks?'

If I hadn't known what was going to happen already, I would've thought that she had a point. Fortunately, I did know. 'We've got Jack,' I said simply. 'He'll find a way. He always does.'

'Even if we do manage to save Will...' she trailed off.

'Not having cold feet, are we? Norrington wouldn't be happy if he found out.'

She glared at me. 'He's already suspicious. And you don't know what it's like being engaged to a man that you don't love.'

I shrugged. 'Maybe not. But at least Norrington is actually a _good guy,_' I point out. 'It's not like your marrying some worthless drunk.'

She groaned. 'We can worry about that later,' she said. 'What _are _we going to do when we get to Isla de Muerta?'

I laid back down in my bed, wondering how best to say this. I needed Elizabeth to buggy her way over to the cave: if she fails to do that, Will is gonna die, which would be... bad.

'We could let Norrington do his job and hope that he does it well...' I paused. 'Or you could go over there and _make sure _the job is done. It really depends on how much you want to save Will.'

She began massaging her temple, obviously frustrated. 'Why is this happening to me?'

I was thrown back in time, woman. Try dealing with that.

'It's not just you. Think about poor Jack in that hot, damp cell down there. He probably plotting his next cunning plan.'

Silence covers the room again, for lack of anything to say.

'What time is it?' I ask after a while.

'It's almost seven o'clock. The sun is starting to set,' she added, eyes glinting at the window.

'I slept for that long? How long did you sleep?' I ask. Even though, she hadn't actually told me that she had slept, I could tell that she had taken a kip. Her hair was braided, the bag's from under her eyes were gone, and she had even put on a little foundation.

So... she basically looked gorgeous. No wonder Norrington fell for her.

'I woke up an hour ago. I've been bombarded with questions since then,' she added ruefully. 'They've hardly the mind to let me come here. Norrington doesn't trust you, and my father agrees wholeheartedly.'

I blinked up at her. Norrington doesn't trust me? 'But they were being so nice to me,' I say, as if Elizabeth had made some mistake.

'Of _course _they were nice to you,' she rolled her eyes. 'They just want you to incriminate yourself. And I'll just say sorry now, because it would've looked bad on my part if I hadn't agreed with them,' she said a little ashamedly, looking down at the floor.

They were _that _sure that I was a pirate? And she agreed with them?! What a bitch!

'Why are they so sure?' I asked.

'The way you act,' she said simply. 'You really should've been a bit more polite. And you shouldn't have sworn at that soldier. Carutthers is an egg waiting to be cracked.'

I thought it out for a little while... I suppose I could've been a bit more convincing back on the island... and I guess I should have been more careful around that soldier.

I sighed, put my finished tray aside, and jumped out of bed. 'I'm gonna go for a walk. I'll practice being polite while I'm at it,' I added as an after-thought.

'Good thinking. That idea is second best after blowing up an island,' she grinned.

I grinned back and faced the door. I was about to open it when I paused.

I've been tossed around mercilessly. I've been slapped in the face with wind. I've seen barrels fly from one side of the ship to the other in less than five seconds. I've even had the pleasure of watching one of those barrels slam into my stomach.

I was suddenly very afraid to open the door. Never mind the fact that I had just been rescued from an island on a beautiful morning. What if it had turned into a thunderstorm out there? What if there was a tornado?!

I heard Elizabeth let out an exasperated sigh from behind me. 'Are you honestly scared to open the door?'

I turned around slowly and nodded at her.

She moaned and started rubbing her forehead again. 'I'm embarking on an impossible task with a drunken pirate and a girl with a disappearing brand who seems to be terrified of the weather.'

She groaned and walked up to the door, yanking the knob out of my hand, and marched out of the room.

And she was absolutely right.

I _was _stupid to be afraid of the weather.

It was _paradise_.

I slowly walked out of the lavish room with my mouth hanging down. What was once a reminder of what I so wanted to leave behind me was now a warm, sparkling little peace of heaven. What was once an unwelcoming cloudy land of hard work and absolute terror, was now a food-filled, nap-procuring eutopia.

The Caribbean looked much different after a nap and a good meal.

'I suppose _you're_ having a great time.'

I spin around. And there's Jack, leaning on the stairs.

'Perfect time, in fact,' he says ruefully (is that jealousy I detect). 'Had a kip in the Commodore's office, and a spot of breakfast, hmm... If only _I _had a disappearing brand...'

'Oh please,' I said, unimpressed. 'The guilt-trip? My mother pulled that one on me too many times for it to work now.'

'I don't suppose you've got any other tricks up your sleeve? Fireballs, perhaps?'

'Et tu, Jack? How are you fairing? ((AN: I don't know if I'm using that word in the correct context XD))'

'Oh me? I'm having a great time,' he rolls his eyes in the same fashion as Elizabeth.

Is it just me, or does Jack look a little impressive, silhouetted against the setting Caribbean sun?

'Of course, they're giving me sponge baths and chocolate and-'

'Sparrow!'

We turned to face Norrington at the top of the stairs. 'Do mind yourself around the young lady. Get up here,' he says coldly.

Jack scowls, but reluctantly does what he's told. Norrington smiles at me again, but this time I see the suspicion behind his eyes.

I look to the other side of the ship where Elizabeth is talking to her father (though, she doesn't seem to be too happy). Then I look back up to the stairs where Jack and Norrington are discussing their heading.

I suddenly feel really alone.

* * *

Here we begin the Waiting Game.

* * *

Yeah, I have no idea what you would find in your average 18th century bathroom.

REVIEWS!!!!


	11. The Hit's Keep Coming

Yeah... I've written this chapter like, seven times. I can't get anything right. Especially the end.

I also have to stop making really long author's notes. I'm sure that gets annoying XD

So, read on, excuse the crappiness, I hope you all had an awesome Christmas (or whatever you celebrate), and REVIEW!!!!!

PS: Jack cries. Deal with it.

* * *

**Chapter 11 - The Hits Keep Coming  
**

'Miss Sands, I do not think it appropriate for you to join us-'

'Nonsense! Sands is more than capable of taking care of herself!' Jack interrupted Norrington. He somehow felt it necessary for me to come with him. Maybe I'll be the bait again.

As always, I get no say in this.

Oh well. At least I get a kick out of hearing grown men discuss whether or not I should "come."

... Shut up my mind is dirty.

'Mister Sparrow, allow me to remind you,' Norrington said, 'that she is all of fourteen years-old: hardly old enough to be involved in these affairs, and that goes without saying that she has no reason to come with us in the first place!'

My mind lol'd when I heard Norrington say "come with us."

'I wanna come,' I said, trying not to laugh.

'Miss Sands, this is not a _joy ride. _This will not be _fun,_' said Norrington, rounding on me.

'Jack thinks I can come, so why not?'

Norrington, fed up by this time, looked at Gillette to come to his aid. Gillette seemed startled by the prospect of having to persuade a child to do something. He gave Norrington a look that clearly said, 'I'm not good with children, don't do this to me,' but when his superior gave him a look that said, 'deal with her now or you're not getting that pay raise,' he decided to give it his all.

After clearing his throat, he answered. 'Miss Sands, these are grown-up affairs. You will be much safer here. Pirates are, em...' he looked towards Norrington, 'vile and dissolute creatures.' he finished. My amusement was suppressed by my disappointment: I kinda wanted to get Barbossa back for throwing me overboard.

'Fine,' I huffed.

'No! Not fine!' said Jack. 'She needs to come!'

_'Why?' _Norrington asked finally.

Jack opened his mouth to say something, an expression on his face that read something like, 'Well, isn't it _obvious?_' but apparently thought better of it and kept his mouth shut.

Better luck next time Jack. I'm sure you've had better days.

'Well that's settled,' said Norrington, a note of finality in his voice. I looked at Elizabeth to force her to vouch for me, but I saw that she was totally on Norrington's side. She raised an eyebrow at me that said, "bullshit, I ain't not vouching for you young lady."

Big no for 18th century ghetto-talk.

I found much enjoyment in watching Jack storm off, only to realize that he had no where to go. He then returned to us and silently took his place at the helm.

'It seems as though you're beginning to learn your place, Sparrow,' said Norrington, a hint of mockery under his professional voice. 'A fitting end to a treacherous life. Congratulations.'

I watched Jack close his eyes as the ten or twelve men marched off towards the main deck chuckling their heads off (A very long time afterward, when I realized that people often do things that they don't really mean, I figured that maybe those men didn't really find Norrington's remarks all that funny) followed by Elizabeth on Norrington's arm, and open them again when he and I were alone by the helm. I really had nothing to say to him, being that he had gotten violent towards me several times in the past two days, but I still felt kind of sorry for him, and I almost went over to him to give him a pat on the back, but it probably wouldn't have done much to make him feel better.

In short, I stood there and watched him. My enjoyment was pretty brief.

'Bad week?' I asked.

He turned his head a little. 'Not the greatest, aye.'

I nodded left it at that, silently promising Jack that I would never ever tell a soul about that lonely sob I heard when I turned to leave.

* * *

'Go fish.'

'Fuck.'

'Yeah, and you tell me not to use language.'

'I didn't tell you not to use bad language.'

'You told Norrington.'

'Be quiet.'

'Then go fish.'

'Fine,' said Carutthers, snatching a card up from the deck, 'I don't know why I'm here with you,' he mumbled.

'Well, neither do I,' I replied. 'Any sixes?'

He threw down two cards. 'Did your boss tell you to keep an eye on me?' I asked casually. I snort when I hear him choke over air.

'How did you know?" he asked when he had regained his composure. Man, it would've sucked if he suffocated and died. It would've looked like I strangled him, and Norrington is already suspicious... I'm sure my pleas of "There are no bruises, there are no bruises!" would fall on deaf ears.

'Guessed,' I replied, not wanting to get Elizabeth in trouble. Not that she doesn't deserve it.

Carutthers looked at me suspiciously.

Geez, did this guy really just spill the beans to me?

'Uh... any fours?'

'Dammit,' I said, throwing down another card. A smirk rose to his face when he picked up the card.

I'm sure you're wondering why I'm playing Go Fish with Carutthers.

Well, it's not a very long story. It's been about... two hours? Something like that. It's hard to tell without a watch. Anywho, I figured I'd better get my fill of info on our dearest Commodore, owing to the fact that I pretty much have nothing else to do. My investigation was stalled for a good forty minutes due to the fact that there was nobody on the ship who wanted to talk to me. However I was eventually struck with inspiration. Who here is stupid enough to give out important details when you put in a little effort.

I remembered me and Elizabeth's conversation before and my answer came to me.

Carutthers!

Didn't Elizabeth herself say that this guy would crack like an egg? And he did seem to be a little patronizing towards Norrington... He probably knew a lot about the guy.

So that's when I decided to hang out with the guy.

However, there are a few problems there. Despite the fact that this guy would snap if you threatened him with a pay cut, he is still a soldier (or navyman or whatever). This guy doesn't like hanging out with young teenage girls. I had to find a way to distract him. Well, this guy probably wasn't stupid enough to drink alcohol while he was working, and even if he was stupid enough, he probably wouldn't understand a word I said if he was drunk.

My luck kicked in when Norrington asked Carutthers to keep an eye on me (of course, I didn't find this out until a few seconds ago).

So when Carutthers invited me to play Go Fish, I readily agreed.

He's pretty good at the game too.

'Really? Is this how you soldiers pass the time? Go Fish?' I asked irritably. 'You ever played with the Commodore on his day off?'

'The Commodore has more important things to do than play trivial games with his subordinates,' he shot at me. I raised an eyebrow at the guy. I didn't know if he was angry at me for insulting the guy or...

'What, you don't like the guy? Jealous of his rank?'

'No, no, I admire Commodore! I hope to be just like him!' he said quickly. My other eyebrow shot up. 'I-I mean, it is a pleasure to work under Commodore Norrington's command, and I hope to be of further use to him.'

'Further use? How long have you been with the guy?'

He hesitated before answering. He IS supposed to be keeping an eye on me. 'I've been with him for two years now. He was still a captain then.'

Suppressing the urge to say duh, I grabbed the block of cheese that I had brought with me bit off a piece, waiting for him to elaborate. Despite the toughness of it, it was quite tasty. Surprising, judging from the fact that we're a good bit away from the nearest cheese maker.

He picked up his own block of cheese and bit into it. 'Well, my father was in the Navy, he joined in... '57? '57 or '58, somewhere around there. Anyways, me mum was always really proud of having a military man in the family and my father died a few years before I joined, so I decided to take up the role as family man...' he paused for a moment. 'Any sevens?'

'Go fish.'

I had to imagine what it was like for this guy's mother. Having a guy like this be the head of the family and all.

He sighed and grabbed a card from the deck. 'Well, I joined around the time Commodore Norrington started lookin' at Miss Swann as a wife.'

Okey dokey, now we're getting somewhere.

'That long? He didn't propose before?'

'Commodore Norrington is very strategic about how he goes on with things.'

I stared. 'Very strategic about how he goes on with things,' I repeated monotonously.

'Yes.'

I somehow doubted that that was true.

'Uh...' I started, 'Don't you think it might have just been that he needed time to work up the courage to ask her?'

He looked confused. 'Commodore Norrington knows that he could've asked her at any time.'

I sighed at his naivety. This dude idolizes Norrington.

'Well... Why is he so grumpy all the time?'

'Commodore is not "grumpy"!' Carutthers said angrily as if I had insulted his mother.

I couldn't help but notice that he did indeed speak of Norrington as if he was jealous, but it didn't have anything to do with his rank. He seemed more than willing to talk about the guy, but it was almost as if he wanted to be Norrington.

"'Kay, fine. But why does he... Act like he does?'

He thought for a minute. 'I'm sure there are many stresses that come with being Commodore. I wouldn't know.' I raised an eyebrow. 'But regardless, Commodore Norrington's life is none of my business, and I'm sure he has it in complete order.'

'He doesn't talk about his life, or anything?'

'Commodore Norrington is very reserved when it comes to his personal life. Even if he did talk about it, he doesn't talk about it to me.'

'Well, ok but-'

'LAND HO!'

We both looked up at the ceiling.

We had arrived.

'Where are you going?!?' Carutthers shouted as I ran out of the room.

I resurfaced on deck to join the crew, who were all staring off the railing at the huge land mass in front of us.

Images of being tied up against my will suddenly flooded my memory.

Then I remembered that I'm staying on this boat where about fifty pirates will soon be murdering everybody they can get there hands on. I gulped.

Norrington and Gillette were conversing a feet away from me. 'I doubt the Dauntless is going to fit in that cave sir-'

'Really?' Norrington asked sarcastically, looking through his telescope. 'We'll send a few longboats out. I'll go with them. Gillette, you stay here.'

I watched while he gave orders. I noticed that I had completely failed in my attempt to learn anything about him.

'What about Sparrow?'

'He'll come with me. Where is he-?' Norrington spotted Jack.

I'm sure I don't need to tell you where Jack was. He was a few inches away from Elizabeth. I read his lips.

'Peas in a pod.'

Norrington stormed over there, tossed Jack's compass at him rather roughly, and said something I couldn't hear. Jack then followed Norrington up to the helm, the latter looking rather grim. I followed them up the stairs where Norrington had continued giving orders.

'Prepare the longboats for departure, select twenty men to leave with each boat- no, Sparrow will stay with me, make sure there are men stationed at each end of the boat while we're gone.'

'Seems like you don't need my help,' said Jack who indeed sidestepped away from Norrington to join me at my side. He turned his head and smirked at me. 'I must say, it's very impressive how you seem to be able to get others to become suspicious of you by achieving absolutely nothing at all.'

'So I see you've decided to not be angry at me anymore.'

'I have a big day ahead of me-'

'Jack, it's nighttime.'

'And it could very likely end in one of our deaths. So what point is there in being angry at each other? You have my forgiveness.'

Odd. I don't entirely remember asking for it.

'So what's your plan?' I asked, though I knew full well what his plan was.

'Get into the cave, lift the curse, kill Barbossa, and get me ship back.'

He cleared his throat. 'Ehm...' He seemed to be searching for words. 'As you already know, Norrington find no reason for you to accompany us to the cave.'

'Well, I _am _just some random teenager, and it didn't seem like you were trying too hard.'

He cleared his throat again. 'Well, uh, the point is that you can't come with us, and if everything goes according to plan, I'll have my ship back which means....'

I thought for a moment. Then I got it.

'This'll be the last time I see you.'

He nodded and looked at the island. He lowered his voice when he spoke to me again so that only I could hear him. 'I was planning on dropping you off in Tortuga or somewhere seeing as you have no future in either piracy or civilized society-'

'Oh thanks-'

'But as you will not be with us when I...'

Yeah, I wasn't listening to what he was saying. I just felt sorry for the guy.

I mean, the only thing he's been able to think about for the past ten years was how he's gonna kill Barbossa and get his ship back. I've only known the guy for a week and I've already screwed up his chances of shooting Barbossa, and now he's gonna go through all this other bullshit and end up not getting his ship anyways.

I really hated him. Really, I did. He treats me like I'm a douche, he punched me in the face, he shouts at me and gets angry at me, and now he's talking to me straight to my face about how he's gonna leave me here where they'll no doubt find out about me being a pirate and end up killing me like there's nothing to it. for the entire time I've known this guy, all I've ever wanted to do was punch him in the crotch.

Now... I kinda just wanna give him a hug.

'I would say goodbye, but considering the history between- Why are you staring at me like that?' he interrupted himself when he noticed my rather dazed expression.

'Oh uh...' I looked away. 'Yeah.'

'Well then, you'll know that there's no reason for us to act as though we care. Farewell young grasshopper, the best of luck to you.'

I looked back at him, knowing full well that this was not going to be the last time we spoke. 'See ya.'

He bowed in mock farewell and went to join Norrington who was choosing soldiers to accompany him when they went to "storm the caves". I watched as he handed Jack a pistol while murmuring something in his ear, probably telling him to not get any ideas. I watched as Jack pocketed the weapon, a look of disgust on his face.

I didn't need to hear him to know that he was insulting me under his breath.

And will you look at that. I don't feel sorry for him anymore!

* * *

As I watched the seven or eight boats made their way across the bay area to the entrance of the cave, I found myself faced with a problem that would more than likely influence future events in the movie. The next few hours would no doubt be filled with fighting, murder, and severed body parts, but I wondered where I was going to be through all this chaos.

You see, Elizabeth is gonna go save Will during that climatic final battle. If I went with her I'd probably live to see another day, but I'd reveal the fact that I'm a pirate in the process (I really don't think Norrington will believe me if I say I went to the cave just to save Will), and end up getting hung. If I stay here my chances of living are pretty much zero, but my status as a pirate will remain hidden from the nasty navy men.

Basically, there's a good chance that I don't even have a week left to live. Hours, even, if I stay here.

I could see Norrington over the heads of all the other soldiers and I could see Jack sitting next to him, easy to spot from the uniformed soldiers. Norrington was looking through his telescope at the cave, reciting the lines heard in the movie, I'm assuming. I felt myself smile as I remembered the countless times I sat on my couch at home watching Jack lecture Norrington on ambushing and such.

I looked over my shoulder at the seventy or some soldiers and sailors who were left behind to stay on the ship. I barely recognized the chores they were doing, the things they talked about ('The king is out of his fuckin' mind, aye?'), and morals they lived by. No matter how much I had enjoyed this day, I couldn't find it in myself to be completely satisfied with it. It wasn't home.

It wasn't _my _bed that I had slept in. It wasn't my _mother's _toast that I had scarfed down when I woke up. It wasn't my _sister _who had shoved breakfast at me and proceeded to be angry at me for things that weren't my fault. It wasn't my _brother _who I had played Go Fish with.

I sighed and walked over to the railing, where I was surrounded by sailors and soldiers all doing their duties. No matter how many people were around, I always felt lonely.

A week full of near-death experiences, back-breaking chores, and stupid people had left me exhausted. Now I have to sword fight my way out of this day.

I don't think I've EVER had a worse week.

Not only that, but I was _bored. _I was bored _all the time_.

Cue random story about my childhood.

When I was six I got a Gamecube for Christmas. My parents thought that I'd use it for about a year then I'd get bored with it and they'd have to throw it away. I mean, I was only eight, how much could I enjoy strategy games that required mental math and concentration?

A lot, apparently.

From that day on I spent almost all of my time in front of the T.V. trying to make Gromit beat up the toy penguins. I've finished game after game after game (granted, it took me about six months to finish Wallace and Gromit), and my video game experience expanded to include various other game consoles: Playstations, Xbox, almost all of the Nintendo consoles. I eventually started getting into electronics in general and started watching a whole bunch of movies.

I've barely gone a day without playing a video game. Or watching a movie for that matter.

But that's hardly the point.

_There are no video games here._

There are no games, or TV's or movies, or even other kids my age to play with. The most fun I've had over the past few days was playing _Go Fish _with some idiot who was sent to look after me.

All in all, _I want to go home._

Norrington and his men were switching moving around in the boats, as I saw Jack get into a different boat and about the twenty people who had occupied it before had dispersed to different boats. One of the boats was making it's way towards the ship.

I looked at Elizabeth who was at the other end of the ship, shooting anxious glances at the men down by the cave entrance.

Man, she's not gonna like this.

I made my way down to where she was standing. She looked confused.

'What's up?' I asked.

She looked down at me (dammit, why are these people so tall) as if only just noticing my presence. 'Why are they coming back?'

I looked back out at the approaching boat. 'They're probably coming back to relay a message of some sort.'

'Like what?' she asked as if I knew.

'I dunno,' I replied, smirking to myself slightly. So far I didn't really like Elizabeth that much , so I found my mood becoming lighter at the prospect of her being locked in a room against her will.

It took about five more minutes for the boat to reach the ship, and I watched as a dozen soldiers clambered onto the deck. The lieutenant who was on the boat walked up to Gillette and said something to him. He nodded and snapped his fingers at two soldiers and pointed towards Elizabeth. All three of them walked towards her.

'Miss Swann,' the Lieutenant greeted her, bowing. She didn't bow back. 'I'm afraid we're going to ahve to escort you to your room Miss Swann, as Commodore Norrington feels that you'll be safer there.'

I raised an eyebrow in amusement. Safer in her room? What the hell is that gonna do?

'What? No,' she said, shaking her head. 'No, I have to tell the Commodore something.'

'Oh? What would that be?' asked Gillette walking over to us. 'We would be more than delighted to give the message to Commodore Norrington.'

She seemed flustered for a moment. 'The pirates. They can't be killed.'

It was silent for a second. You can tell that Then Gillette chuckled before saying, 'Why not?'

Elizabeth swallowed. 'They're cursed.'

Silence again. I'm on the brink of laughter over here.

'Elizabeth, there's no need to act like that,' said Governor Swann, beckoning towards his daughter. 'Now just go to your room and wait until this has all died down.'

'Wait, no!' She shouted, shaking off the soldiers that had grabbed her by the arms. 'I'm not lying, you have to tell him!'

She glanced around at the surrounding soldiers as if they were crazy not to believe her. Her father sighed and beckoned to the soldiers. 'Just take her.'

They proceeded to grab her and drag her to her room, all while fighting her adamant struggling.

'I'm sorry, but it for your own safety!' said Gillette who was standing next to Elizabeth's room.

'I - don't - care what the Commodore ordered! I have to tell him! The pirates, they're cursed, they can't be killed!' she shouted at him, all while gaining disapproving glances by the crew.

The two soldiers practically threw her into the room and Gillette walked up and grabbed the two doors to slam them shut, but not before adding, 'Don't worry, Miss, he's already informed of that! A little mermaid flopped up on deck and told him the whole story!'

He slammed the doors shut in her appalled face and told a soldier to keep watch, chuckling to himself. I heard her yell, 'This is Jack Sparrow's doing!'

'Lieutenant, I'm so sorry about her behavior, she must be very upset about the past week, she never acts like this-'

'I think you'll find that it's quite alright, Governor Swann. Now where is... Ah.' Gillette spotted me and smiled.

I kinda shrunk under his gaze. I had been avoiding him for fear of him remembering who I am. But I suppose I look much different after a bath.

'Miss Sands, Commodore Norrington would like you to know that while he knows that it is completely your decision, but he only has your best interests at heart.'

Psht. Yeah right.

'Uh... Right. Well, I'm gonna stay out here.'

He blinked. 'Um, Miss Sands, I don't think you understand. There's a good risk to those onboard-'

'I know what he meant,' I said firmly. 'But it's my choice right? So I'll just-' -I plopped down on a random crate- 'stay out here.'

He blinked again and sighed. 'As you wish.' He gestured for the soldiers to follow him up to the helm.

Once I was alone, I finally allowed myself to laugh. Seriously, people were staring.

Worst and best birthday ever.

After about five minutes, I remembered that the pirates from the cave were bound to attack in less than an hour. Then I remembered that Norrington had taken all of my weapons.

'Shit!' I ran to go below deck and find my weapons when I remembered what Jack had to said to me.

_Had a kip in the Commodore's office..._

... The Commodore gets a _bed _in his office?

I ran back towards the room and burst in, unaware of the curious and seriously confused glances I was attracting. I stood there for a moment, noticing all the things I hadn't noticed before: the desk had several papers on it stamped with what I was sure to be the king's coat of arms or something, the honors that were strung on the walls and small, velvet box on the dresser that probably had an engagement ring on it. I looked around for a container of some sorts. Smiling triumphantly when I see a cabinet in the corner of the room, I go over to open it, only to realize that it was padlocked.

Fuck.

'Agh... Dammit!' I shouted after fiddling around with it for a while. Suddenly, an idea popped into my head, and I sincerely hoped that my penchant for randomly stuffing things into my pockets had kicked in when Jack had handed me the quill that was in his hair.

After running back below deck (I think the sailors were starting to suspect that something was up), I had located the bathroom I had bathed in before, but now I was in here for a very different reason. I looked around a little while for the clothes that I had so eagerly shed before.

I did indeed find those clothes. I flinched when I picked them up, repulsed by their filth, but I nonetheless delved into the pockets for my trusty lock pick. I once again smiled when I felt the smooth, long quill in my hands. Pulling it out, I stuffed it in my pocket and went back upstairs to get my sword. When I was on the level that held some of the cannons, I noticed a pistol sitting on a cannon. Supposing that I might need it later, I stuffed it into my pocket as well, sincerely hoping that it was loaded. I then proceeded back to Norrington's office.

Passing the stairs, I noticed Governor Swann trying to talk to his daughter through the door. So if I wanna go with Elizabeth to the cave, I better work fast....

I made my way over to the cabinet and once again shoved the quill into the lock. After about five minutes I was able to get the first two pins undone.

'C'mon, c'mon, c'mon...' I said to myself, furiously working away at the lock.

'What the hell are you doing?!?'

I spun around to find a sailor staring at me and my attempts to break into the Commodore's personal cabinet.

Dropping the lock, I turned to face the guy, struggling to find an excuse. 'I was... He has something of mine.' I said lamely, gesturing towards the cabinet.

'Get away from there!' he said, starting towards me. He probably would've thrown me into the brig if a gunshot hadn't sounded above.

'What the...?'

'Oh, fuck!' Ignoring the protests from the sailor, I continued to work away at the lock, realizing that Elizabeth must've left early. It finally popped open. Grabbing, my sword from the cabinet, I swung it around me and secured it around my shoulders.

Turning around to face the sailor, I was about to tell him to go save somebody's life, but instead opted for, 'Hey look out!' when I spotted a pirate behind him, pointing a pistol straight at his head.

Now, I would _love _to be able to tell you that this guy was able to duck just in time to escape death. Unfortunately, that would be a lie.

I shrieked as the sailor fell to the floor, his brains strewn everywhere. I quickly realized the situation I was in when I looked back up at the malicious pirate that had entered the room. I unsheathed my sword and stood there waiting for him to attack. I braced myself, promising myself that my performance would be much better than yesterday's.

Okey-dokey, Ashley. _You know how to do this._

Oh yeah, did I mention that I'm stuck with the bald pirate? The bald one with the scars...? Yeah, nevermind.

The pirate lunged forward, aiming to stab me. With my own sword, I pushed his to the side and punched him in the face. Knuckles burning, I proceeded to run out of the room while he was occupied with his own pain, preferring to leave than stay in a room with a dead body and a pissed off pirate who was sure to do something painful to me given the chance. Once I was out I slammed the doors shut and locked them from the outside. I turned around, prepared for the worst.

Yeah... That still wasn't enough.

Suddenly wishing very much that I was still in the room fighting one pirate, I nearly threw up when I saw just the amount of carnage a bunch of pirates could create in less than five minutes. A few people had already been killed, their bodies left in the most ungraceful of poses, and the pirates, while outnumbered were still causing a hell of riot. I suppose being undead would have something to do with that.

I was snapped out of my reverie rather suddenly. The pirate who was locked in the room took advantage of my momentary distraction and bashed the glass in the door, grabbed my hair, and slammed my head into the remaining glass.

I slid to the ground, lights dancing in front of my eyes. My head suffered more damage when the pirate kicked the door open, once again slamming it into my head. I would've been knocked out if the pirate hadn't proceeded to pick me up (if one more person grabs me by the collar, I swear to God-) and throw me onto several crates, his sword posed to stab me.

No matter how out of it I was, I was in no mood to die. I kicked him in the most unceremonious of places, which seems to hurt, undead or not. Quickly lifting myself off the barrels, I ran from underneath the stairs (just in time to dodge a body that had been thrown all the way from the helm), away from bald dude. Mentally kicking myself for not going with Elizabeth, I proceeded to duck under several swords in my quest to get to the other side of the ship. I don't know what I'm gonna do when I get over there but it's gotta be better than being over here.

I probably would've succeeded if Carutthers wasn't so helpless.

I spotted him on the deck, about to get killed by the big, scary black dude. I didn't even have time to sigh in exasperation as I immediately sprang forward to parry his attack. Well, OK, I didn't _parry _it, but I successfully prevented Carutthers from getting killed. I was able to keep Bo'sun distracted long enough to let Carutthers get back on his feet and help me out. He didn't seem bothered by the fact that I was using a sword, but I guess in the wake of battle he didn't really notice.

It was hard to believe that ten minutes ago I was searching frantically for _clothes._

I nearly sighed a breath of relief when I heard the sharp sound of a bell pierce the air. Nearly.

A few days ago a would've been really tired by this point in the fight, but I found a new sense of adrenaline keeping me aware. Carutthers seemed to be able to hold his own now that I was there to help him. Bo'sun also seemed to be quite skilled at the sword and successfully blocked every one of our attacks. This was pretty impressive seeing as we were both attacking with great zeal. He was even able to get a few good lunges in himself.

Blocking an upward swipe from big, scary guy, I decided that it would be in my best interests to get as far away as possible from the stairs that led to the room that had all the cannons in it. Even in the heat of battle I was able to remember that several pirates had come bursting out of there.

After shoving him away from me a few inches (this guy was really heavy and I'm really weak) I took a swipe at his neck. Granted, he didn't die, but his head was practically hanging off.

'Eww!!!' I shouted, almost staying to watch his arms attempt to reattach his head to his neck. I got away from him just in time to dodge the barrage of bullets that came out from the stairs at that moment. Several soldiers that had been standing in front of the stairs fell, and for a second I thought Carutthers was among them, but thankfully, I saw him resurface from the smoke seconds later.

Sighing a breath of relief, I almost got my head sliced off by none other than Pintel, clad in formal attire, skin rotting from his bones. I immediately figured that I should have some fun.

Blocking his first lunge at me with my sword, I shouted over the din. 'Hey! Pintel! Nice _dress!'_

Ignoring the fact that I knew his name, he continued to swing at me, and I continued to taunt him while dodging all of his attacks. 'Yeah, real _manly! _You look gorgeous, by the way!'

'Bloody kids!' he shouted, bitch-slapping me to the floor. I was able to look back up at him just in time to see his sword raised above his head. I was once again saved by timely distraction, this time in the form of our dear Ragetti.

'Ey!' he said to his friend while pointing at the _Pearl _on the other side of the bay. 'Is it supposed to be doing that?'

I'm sure if he had skin, Pintel's face would be forming an expression of realization. 'They're stealing our ship...!'

'Bloody pirates!'

I used this brief distraction to get out from under Pintel. By the time he looked back to my former position I was all ready at the opposite railing.

Now, if my calculations are correct, Norrington and his men should be arriving right about... Now!

Making sure that nobody was going to stab me in the side while I helped Murtogg and Mullroy up on the deck. With bewildered expressions, they thanked me and proceeded to fight the same pirate. I would've helped them, but I was already having problems of my own: Instead of helping his friend kill Norrington (who had just jumped on deck, looking taller than ever), Twigg decided that I would be his next victim.

Nobody loves Ashley today. Not to mention that I happened to threaten this guy a few days ago when we were still at Port Royal.

Dodging a sideways swipe at my stomach, I attempted to stab him myself and succeeded, but only ended up losing my sword in his chest: he gave me a gruesome smile (or however much a smile that was possible) and began relentlessly stabbing and swiping at me. I could only keep moving backwards to dodge them, but I wouldn't run away. I really liked that sword, and I kinda wanted it back.

After several unsuccessful punches thrown by me, I decided it would just be best to back up until I find a way to get my sword back. I probably should've just ran but... well, I'm stupid.

After dodging another swipe at my neck, I noticed an oar behind Twigg. Ducking underneath his outstretched arm, I dashed for the oar, and the second I swung it with all my might, spinning. The oar bashed into Twigg's head, which went flying into the air, giving me enough time to pull my sword out of his chest. I wiped the sword on the railing while the rest of Twigg's body went to search for it's head.

I snicker for a second at my triumph: I'm doing pretty well, considering!

I wanna be the very best. That no one ever waaaaaaaas....

I turned around and saw that, instead of fiercely fighting, Norrington was on the ground, eyes wide, staring up at Koehlor, who was raising his sword above his head.

I started to panic when I remember that Norrington is _quite FUCKING vital!_

Oh god.

Oh _god._

He's about to ruin _everything._


	12. Do I Fail? YOU KNOW IT

**READ THIS READ THIS READ THIS READ THIS READ THIS READ THIS READ THIS** **READ THIS READ THIS READ THIS READ THIS READ THIS READ THIS READ THIS READ THIS READ THIS  
**

Almost nine-thousand words.

I'm... kinda proud of myself.

**BIG QUESTION: **Guys, I really need to know RIGHT NOW. Should I create another story, or keep adding chapters to this one? The more traditional option would be to start another story but... I'm kinda torn. just for my own sake I'm going to list this story as "complete" for now, but if you guys choose the latter option, I'll just switch it back.

Did I mention that it's my birthday on Saturday? I DEMAND that you wish me happy birthday. I demand itttttttt.

Who's been reading this long enough to remember the time I said I would be done by March or February of _last year? _Well, just goes to show how great I am at keeping promises. Anyways, the important thing is, I'm done with the first movie!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to _everybody _who reviewed or favorited this story! I couldn't have done this without your support!!! I can't put into words how much it means to me whenever I read your reviews. Thank you for putting up with my long pauses and my moody author reviews, everything!

But on a more story related note, I'm just going to alert you all to the fact that Norrington does something _VERY _out of character. Seriously, I know, so just go with it. Oh, and I'm aware that the ending sucks, but I really did try my best!

On a sadder note however, Phil Harris, one of the Deadliest Catch Captains (my favorite to boot), has died. In my entire life I was one of those people who couldn't give a rats ass about ANYBODY on TV. But I am _genuinely depressed _over his death. The notion that I'm never gonna see his stupid pranks or hear his colorful insults is just... surreal.

This one is for you Phil. You'd make a great pirate.

* * *

**Chapter 12 - Do I Fail? YOU KNOW IT**

Norrington dead on the deck.

Sword through his neck, blood all over the wood.

When I opened my eyes, I wished beyond anything else that I saw that image.

Now I just feel kinda... numb.

A very much alive Norrington clambers hastily to his feet, grabs his sword, and finds a random pirate to point it at, all of whom are staring confusedly at their skin. Nobody speaks, as everybody waits for the Commodore to address them. He doesn't seem as steady as he was in the movie.

'The ship is ours, gentlemen.'

The night air is pierced with the sound of cheering.

Or at least I think it was. I barely hear the "huzzahs" of the remaining crew. I can barely think at all right now.

Governor Swann clambers out of Elizabeth's room, steps over the body of a fallen comrade, and joins in with the crew, shaking his fists at a pirate, all propriety forgotten. I'm sure he supposed to be restraining himself like Norrington is but... Meh. I guess near death experiences will do that to you.

Gillette is the most enthusiastic of them all. Shouting and cheering, patting his comrades on the back, taunting pirates... Wow, this guy doesn't know when to stop. Nobody seems to notice however, as everybody is celebrating their glorious victory, and the fact that they've captured about fifty pirates. The pirates are just glancing around nervously, waiting for the soldiers to make them do something.

Yeah, I... still don't care. Under any other circumstances I'm sure that I would've been really relieved that battle was over, but not now.

Even in my own dazed state, I couldn't help but notice that Norrington was quite far from celebrating. He was even devoid of that smug smirk that he had in the movie. He was just staring at me, as if waiting for me to run at him and attack. He shouldn't be worrying about that though. I don't think I'll ever be able to move on my own again. I also couldn't help but noticing that his sword barely had a hint of blood on it.

Lucky bastard.

I'm just kinda staring right now. I can't move at all.

'Miss Sands, I...' He trails off.

'No,' I said, voice shaking. I tried to tell him to piss off, but when I opened my mouth all I could say was, 'Dammit...'

I dropped my pistol to the floor and started rubbing my arms, for lack of anything else to do. I'm pretty glad the thing didn't discharge when it hit the ground, 'cause it would kinda suck for Norrington to get shot right when the battle is over.

Everybody is still cheering. Dammit, what are they cheering about?

I sniffle a little. I didn't notice how cold it was. Looking up, I once again saw Norrington staring at me, concerned and probably disturbed. He stopped staring when I looked back up at him and walked over to Koehler's body, and motioned to pull my sword out of his chest. I flinched, noticing just how much blood was trickling out of the wound that I had inflicted. It took everything I had to not throw up all over the deck when I saw my sword leaving his torso.

It just... God, what did I do?

After wiping it off, Norrington held my sword out to me. 'Your sword, Miss Sands-'

'Take it away,' I whispered, lifting my hands to cover my eyes. 'Just take it away.'

He was silent for a moment. Sighing, he called to two celebrating soldiers and ordered them to take the body away. I heard their chuckling voices as they lifted the body and took it away. I opened my eyes only until I was sure it was gone. Norrington was once again looking at me worriedly. I wish he'd stop.

'Miss Sands,' he says again softly. 'Your sword-'

'I DON'T WANT IT!' I bellowed at him. 'I DON'T _EVER _WANT IT!'

I just _killed_ someone. Someone's _brother. _Someone's _son_. Someone's _friend, _or whatever_. _And for who?

_Him?!?_

I hastily picked up a chunk of wood that had broken off something in the battle and threw it at him. He dodged it of course, I highly doubt he wants to have a huge gash in his face right now. 'I hate you!'

The light didn't leave his eyes. He didn't take his last shuttering breath. It wasn't dramatic. It wasn't even that _hard._

It just _happened._

Later on, I was able to remember enough about this moment to realize that nobody was paying attention to my honest efforts to hurt Norrington. Nobody noticed that the small, odd girl was in a complete frenzy, throwing punches at their boss, and crying her eyes out. Norrington was completely aware of it, of course, and proceeded to grab me by the arms and pull me towards his office.

Once inside, he used his foot to slam the door shut. Had I been completely in my right mind, I would've thought it very odd that Norrington pushed me onto the bed, but I kinda just went went along. He didn't, y'know, jump on top of me and start ripping off my clothes, so I was pretty okay with it.

He just stood there. And watched me cry.

And... I cannot tell you just how guilty I feel.

I have a feeling that I spent the good part of an hour just sitting there on the bed crying in front of Norrington. The whole time he said nothing.

Well, I could hardly sit there for the entire night and cry, so after what seemed like an eternity, my tears seemed to run out, and I was left to wipe away the dampness from my face. I was sniffling and gasping and I probably looked like hell. I was never a pretty crier.

There are _so _many things I could've done at that moment. Shows what great judgment I have.

I looked back up at Norrington who was still standing in front of me. My jaw promptly dropped.

While I was crying, I failed to notice that he had taken off both his jacket and his shirt.

_This _is when I remembered that I was on his bed.

It's okay though, don't panic. This moment was not followed by a night filled with throes of passion. It did, however, become considerably more awkward for me, and I _almost_ forgot my guilt. This was so horribly out of character for Norrington that I forgot that I was supposed be using up my remaining strength to hurt him.

Norrington didn't seem to find his actions odd. He was just standing there in his shirtless glory like it was nothing.

Can I just take a moment out of this rather angsty night to tell you _just _how buff this guy is?

He sighed in annoyance when I continued to stare, and walked over to the cabinet that I had picked little over an hour before. He reached in and grabbed a roll of gauze, which is when I realized that he had a pretty nasty cut on his arm. Not deep enough to require stitches, but owch. That's gotta hurt.

He was doing his random medical stuff to his arm (cleaning it with a bottle of what I can only guess is alcohol) when I finally found my voice.

'Erm... Is this necessary?'

He looked from his arm to me, eyebrow raised. 'Would you rather I kept bleeding?' he asked flatly, nodding his head towards the cut that had sent droplets of blood running down his arm. Again, owch.

'Oh. Er- No- No, that would be bad,' I said lamely, reduced to a stuttering idiot. Hard to believe I was a crying wreck a few seconds ago. 'It's just- I mean- Can't you do that somewhere _else?' _I said, my tone turning a little sarcastic.

'You are not obligated to keep staring.'

I quickly turned my head away, suddenly wondering why he was being such an asshole. Wasn't he being polite a few moments ago? Didn't I just _kill _somebody for him?!?

Hmm... Maybe that's why he's being an asshole. Maybe he really, _really _doesn't like getting his life saved by teenage girls.

Norrington, I no likey you. No matter how sexy you are.

I heard him shuffling around in the back for a while. Yeah, I'm still pretty angry at him. After a while, he returned to his place in front of me, fully clothed and looking much cleaner in the face. Maybe he has some of that acne cleaning stuff back there...

'I must assist the crew in the maintenance of the ship.'

I guess that's his polite way of saying, "I'mma go pile up dead bodies now, brb."

'I suggest you refrain from breaking into my property. '

Okay, so he noticed that.

'Uhh... yeah, I won't but um...' I looked to the floor just left of the doors, 'You gonna do something about that body?'

He raised an eyebrow and turned backwards to look at the body that had previously been concealed by the door. I have no idea how he missed that. I can't be THAT distracting.

He sighed. I'm pretty sure he's pissed about having a dead person in his room.

He went out for a few seconds and returned with two soldiers. They picked him up at his command and carried him out, and it was at that moment that everything came crashing down again. That guy had died because of _me._

It suddenly became very hard to breathe.

Norrington didn't seem to notice that anything was wrong, and said, 'I'll leave you to your thoughts,' before closing the doors behind him. I didn't even bother taking off my blood-stained clothes before laying down across the bed. I got a face-full of Norrington-shirt, which smelt a lot like vanilla.

The last thing I thought before I drifted into sleep was how I had never _ever _felt so horribly alone in my life.

* * *

_  
'You're awake.'_

_'And you look like hell. Being kidnapped doesn't do great things to your skin, it seems.'_

_'Hmph. It's an experience I'd rather not go through again. What of you? Being stranded on an island must have been a great adventure.'_

_'Oh, if only. Y'know Jack punched me in the face?'_

_'He _what?'

_'Yeah. Well, y'know, I punched him in the stomach, I hardly think he's gonna take that. Oh, and I lost his gun, so there's that too.'_

_'Well. I can't say I expect much from Jack at this point.'_

_'The guy may be an asshole, but he _did _go back and save you. He could've just went straight to the _Pearl _when he went into the caves, but he kept his promise all the same.'_

_'...'_

_'Have you talked to him yet? I mean, since you got back to the ship?'_

_'They took him to the brig as soon as we got back. He's with Barbossa's crew now... I'd rather not go down there.'_

_'C'mon, Will, think of poor Jack, stuck down there all by himself.'_

_'I suppose Barbossa's crew isn't great company either... Especially on death row.'_

_'... Y'know, I really don't like Jack, but... God, hanging? He's successfully delivered fifty pirates, rescued two girls, and you... Really shows how ungrateful these people are.'_

_'Elizabeth has asked her father for a pardon... It doesn't seem as though his position on the matter will change. Norrington won't even hear her out.'_

_'Ah... You don't seem to happy about the engagement. Tell me William, is all fair in love and war?'_

_'... Nothing I do will change anything. Best just to stay out of it. Elizabeth will be happier with a husband like Norrington who loves her.'_

_'And you don't? Really, Will, she loves you, you love her, so what's the hold-up?'_

_'Goodness, you really are clueless. I am a _blacksmith. _She is the Governor's _daughter. _It's almost foolish to believe that such a couple exists.'_

_'God, you're a buzzkill.'_

_'...'_

_'...'_

_'Where _are_ you from?'_

_'Psht. Isn't that like, the third time you've asked me? Geez, hun, I'm from America. AMERICA. Not that hard.'_

_'I know you keep saying that but... I can't help but get the feeling that you're not being entirely truthful.'_

_'Oh Will. If only you knew.'_

_

* * *

_

_  
'I'm terribly sorry Elizabeth, but I simply cannot understand your concern. He is a pirate and he will be prosecuted as such-'_

_'Without so much as a trial?!? James, you cannot sentence a man to die on the assumption-'_

_'On the "assumption" that he has committed unspeakable crimes, among them threatening an officer of the British Royal Navy, commandeering a ship of the British Royal-!'_

_'He has saved my life, he saved Will's life! He is responsible for the capture of an entire crew of pirates! Does that not count for anything?!?'_

_'Elizabeth, I'm sure this has been an upsetting ordeal for you. Please understand.'_

_'...'_

_'...'_

_'This is wrong James, and you know it.'_

_'Regardless of whether or not it is right, Elizabeth, there can be no argument for him. We are expected, as upstanding citizens, to do our duties.'_

_'Is it our duty to condemn those to which the blame does not lie?'_

_'... Unfortunately.'_

_

* * *

_

_  
'Okay. Hi Norrington. I know you can't hear me right now, because you're asleep, but I thought I should tell you anyways.'_

_'...'_

_'Well, okay, as you can see, I've broken into your room. I lost my nightshirt and I decided that I like yours because it really smells nice. You don't seem to have a fondness for shirts in general, as you don't sleep with one and you're completely okay with taking one off in front of traumatized girls, which kind of makes you weird, but whatever. I've assumed that you won't mind if I steal yours.'_

_'...'_

_'Even though you told me not to, I broke into your cabinet again and I stole one of your shirts. The crew members are all asleep, sooooo.... They're not going to catch me at it. I'm sorry if you're offended, but I really need a nightshirt and Elizabeth won't let me borrow hers, so you can complain to her if you ever realize it's gone. I'd put all of this in a letter, but then you'd know it was me who stole it, and you'd have proof. Sooooo, if you don't have anything to say...?'_

_'...'_

_'Okay then, I'm leaving. Buh-bye, Norr-'_

_'I want it back in the morning__.'_

_'... Heh-heh. Yeah... 'Kay, leaving now.'_

_

* * *

_

_  
'Hey, Carutthers, you wanna play Go Fi-'_

_'No.'_

_

* * *

_

_  
'Hi.'_

_'Hello. Nice trip?'_

_'Ha. I just wish we could get over to Port Royal faster. I'll sleep better at night knowing that dozens of pirates aren't dying of heat stroke in the hull of a ship.'_

_'They deserve it, you know.'_

_'Yeah, but not _all _of them.'_

_'...'_

_'Still no chance of a pardon then, huh?'_

_'James is set. Jack will most likely be hung the day after we arrive.'_

_'I'm sure it's eating away _his _heart. Have you seen Jack since we left the Island?'_

_'Well, I haven't the stomach to go down there. Has Will-?'_

_'Nah, I already asked him. Same reason as you.'_

_'I can't help but feel that I could've done more to help Jack.'_

_'Well you could ask Norrington to give him a pardon and sleep with him in return.'_

_'...'_

_'Geez, stop glaring, it's just a joke.'_

_'It's not amusing.'_

_'Well, you're not supposed to take it seriously. Y'know, you and Will are perfect for each other. You take me too seriously - Hey, what are you doing? Why do you need a soldier- Hey, NO! Put me down! I DON'T WANT TO GO TO MY ROOM! ELIZABEEEEETH!!!'_

_

* * *

_

I was navigating my way through the dirt roads that lead through the East side of Port Royal. If I looked to my right where the docks were visible if you looked through the spaces in between buildings, I could also see the Fort Towering above all the nautical devices that littered the dock. There were a good number of merchant vessels tied to the dock. On a normal day I would've been curious enough to wander the ships: In the 24 hours spent at Port Royal, I had realized that it was indeed in my ability to bypass the dock's guards, but this was not because of my own stealthy prowess. Will had returned from the cave armed with a present for me: he had stolen one of the pirate's hand grenades.

After being putting them through much abuse, I managed to get enough gunpowder out of them to ensure that it would just cause a small explosion when the wick ran out. I don't think Port Royal's done anything bad enough to merit anymore holes in their dock.

I'm surprised they didn't blow up in my hand while I tampered with them.

Anyways, I'm not gonna go wandering over there today. My destination isn't quite as attractive.

I thought it would be harder though. I thought I'd have to drag myself down there, resisting the urge to turn back. Elizabeth's house was much more appealing than where I was going.

Well, I guess I'm not the same person I was a few days ago. Or maybe I'm just used to hordes of pirates at this point. Eh, whatever the case, it's not like they're gonna do anything to me. I just hope the guards let me in.

Port Royal hadn't made much progress in terms of cleaning up the place: There were still obvious signs of carnage, the most common being stray shrapnel which had been left to rot. The blood must've been washed away, but every once in a while I would come across a mutilated animal that definitely had been killed in the battle. I could tell because of the, um... decomposition.

The place seemed gloomy... I suppose everybody lost a friend.

There was reason to celebrate however. 'Didn't you hear, Rebecca?' said the wife of a lieutenant to another higher class woman this morning at breakfast (apparently, she had invited herself over to make sure that Elizabeth was okay). 'They're hanging _the _Jack Sparrow today!'

I suppose nobody heard when I muttered, 'Captain...' under my breath.

Elizabeth kept well out of this conversation. I suppose this was considered rude these days, but I think she had an excuse this time. Everybody she's seen so far has bombarded her with dozens of questions. Although they didn't specifically ask, you could tell that all of them thought she had been raped.

I guess it's hard for Elizabeth to feel great when everybody is treating her like she's on her death bed. The whispering, the patting of the shoulder, the looks of pity...

Well, I can't say I feel for her. Nobody even bothers to say hello to the girl who refuses to wear a dress.

Doesn't matter. I'll be out of here in a matter of hours.

'I did!' exclaimed Rebecca enthusiastically. 'Another name to add to the list, I suppose, but this one is supposed to have a rather large price on his head... It's a shame that it should all go to waste... Still, with every pirate that visits the gallows is another safe trip for my husband. He's sailing to London in a few weeks...'

Geez, I'm glad _my_ mom isn't such a priss.

If the maids found it odd that I wasn't sharing the rest of the city's enthusiasm when it came to the hanging, they didn't day anything. The mark of a good servant, I guess.

I couldn't help but smile at the children playing on the sides of the roads. The boys were getting dirty in the mud and the girls were playing some kind of dice game. Man, I wish I was young like that again. I remember a time when I was afraid of going fishing with my dad because I thought I might catch a shark.

Those times seemed more than a few years behind me. They were literally a world away.

By the time I had reached the jail, I had stepped in about a million puddles and my pants were probably really dirty near the bottom. I suppose it went with the jail setting, and I think it's why the guard wasn't too surprised to see me there.

Having navigated my way around the jail once before, I found it easy to make my way to the main holding room which had about fifteen cells lined up on each side of the wall. About six of them were filled up near the end, and one of them, the one straight to my right, was occupied by a lonesome figure.

And I gotta say, I've _never _seen Jack so miserable.

My presence was made known by the jeering and insults that were pelted my way the second I walked in. It seems a few of the pirates remembered me. Thank god they're at the other side of the room or I might not even have the courage to stay.

I turned to look at Jack again. He had turned his head to look at me, and I noticed that his spark was gone. Completely diminished.

I had the sudden urge to tell him the truth. Everything.

But for some reason, I knew I couldn't.

'Don't take this the wrong way,' I said confidently, doing my best to ignore the profanity coming from the other side of the room. 'I'm very pissed at you.'

He didn't speak.

'Do you know why?'

Nothing.

'Well, I didn't for a while,' I continued. I hadn't expected any answers, anyway. 'I thought about it this entire time. I kept wondering why I would suddenly got so angry whenever I saw you or whenever you ignored me or insulted me. Why did it bother me so much when it was _you?'_

Despite the fact that I had his full attention, it still bothered me when he didn't answer. Still, I kept on.

'I tried to act more grown up, but every time you'd call me out, and I just felt more childish. But that wasn't it.'

Silence. On his part, of course, the other pirates in the room were still shouting at us.

'You punched me in the face, but that wasn't it either. It wasn't that you shout at me or that you force me to do ten times more work than everybody else, it wasn't that you use me for bait. It wasn't any of that...'

Wow, okay, I didn't think the silence was going to get so annoying.

'It's just...' I raised my hand to rub my temple. 'I'm a really long way from home, and I... _really... _miss my family. This is the longest I've ever gone without seeing my sister. And I don't have anybody anymore. And even if I get home...' I looked at my wrist where the branded "P" had since reappeared, 'They might see this, maybe they won't. The point is that I haven't had anybody to lean on for a really long time...

'So... I was pretty surprised when I woke up and found you in my cell.'

What an understatement.

'I couldn't believe that I was going to meet _Captain _Jack Sparrow. That dude I had, um... read about all the time. All that stuff you've done... I could hear it straight from _you. _I didn't care that you were a pirate,' I added when I saw his raised eyebrow. 'I was never like the other girls my age... I never had a lot of friends... So I was _really _happy when I met you. I just thought, "Wow. _I _could be friends with Jack Sparrow." So I tried to be friends with you.

'And, well, y'know... that didn't work out so well. It wasn't long until we started arguing. But it didn't bother me at that time that you didn't want to be friends. I just left you alone and talked to Will instead... But he asked too many questions, and if he wasn't, he was talking about Elizabeth. So that didn't work out either. That's when I started wondering why you never liked me.

'So I started trying harder. But as time passed, I didn't just try because I wanted you to acknowledge me, it was because I _had to. _It was because if I didn't, _I would die.'_

I was starting to get really angry at his lack of response. Doesn't he see what I'm doing here? I'm pouring my heart out!

'I just... really, _really _needed somebody to lean on. And you were the only one who could do that. But you didn't.'

When he started turning his head to look back at the small window near the ceiling, I suddenly snapped

'DON'T act like you're not paying attention!'

He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, it was only to meet the sight of me breathing rather hardly. I was suddenly really angry at him again.

'I KILLED SOMEBODY! _YOU _KILLED SOMEBODY! YOU DON'T - EVEN - CARE!'

Yeah, okay, _now _the pirates over there are quiet.

'Why don't you see... how _hard... _I'm TRYING!?'

And Jack seems... I dunno, kind of unaffected. 'That's exactly it, you irremovable thorn in my side. You are _trying-'_

'SHUT UP!' I bellowed at him. 'JUST _CARE, _DAMMIT!'

I was clenching the bars of the cell, and my forehead was pressed against them. It's been about four days since I've been this angry, and I thought it was gone... Maybe I've just been bottling it up.

It was awhile before anybody spoke. The pirates on the other side of the room were apparently flabbergasted at my sudden outburst, and they too were almost silent, save for the slight whispering.

Oddly, it was Jack who spoke up first.

'Are you done?'

I cleared my throat, which was already getting really sore because of the screaming.

'Yeah. Think so.'

'Spectacular. Now kindly leave. I have a good few hours left, and I'd rather not spend them listening to your prepubescent agonizing.'

I snorted in spite of myself. 'Don't be stupid, Jack. You're not going to die.'

His gaze left the window and returned to me. 'Oh? How do you figure that?' he asked as I started up the stairs. I paused at the bottom step to answer.

'Because movie continuity is a bitch. But yeah, I'll leave.'

* * *

Hm... Not _quite _as dramatic as it was in the movie, but it's still pretty impressive.

'Ah... Miss Sands.'

My knees were reduced to jelly the second I heard that voice.

Plus, I owe him a night shirt. Which is in my rucksack thingy on my back. And I'm not giving it back.

'Ah. Norrington,' I said flatly. Yeah, still pissed at him too. 'Fully clothed, are we?'

He bowed his head and chuckled. When he raised his head again he said, 'Forgive me, Miss. Sands, I simply thought-'

'Yeah, whatever. The accused?' I asked brightly.

'On his way. We'll soon be rid of him.'

'Um,' I looked around for signs of a feathered hat. 'How soon, exactly?'

'He should be here within a few minutes. Why?' he asked.

'Uh, well, y'know. Almost sundown,' I said oddly, pointing to the ceiling of the fort. He raised an eyebrow. 'Y'know. He should at least be able to see the... sun. When he, y'know, kicks the bucket. Y'know?'

His other eyebrow joined the first at my odd euphemism. I guess these olde Brits don't know what "kick the bucket" means. Norrington got the message however and chuckled once more. 'Pirates aren't worth your sympathy, Miss Sands. I suggest you put your worries aside, and if it really bothers you, it's only five o'clock.'

I stared at him for a second before it clicked. I guess the sun sets later in the Caribbean. In Wisconsin, the sun sets at 3:30 and winter lasts until April.

'Ah. Well, that's good,' I replied. After a few awkward seconds, I asked about Elizabeth's whereabouts.

'Elizabeth? She should be... Ah, here she is,' he said brightly when he spotted her a few yards away. We walked over to her and I watched happily as Elizabeth's face fell at the sight of her fiance. I know I shouldn't have, but... Oh well, you don't care do you? Nobody likes Elizabeth!

'Hello, _Miss _Swann!' I bowed. My happiness increased when I saw her jaw stiffen. I returned her gesture with a bright smile.

Hmm... I suddenly really miss my toothbrush...

'Hello, _Miss _Sands,' she replied flatly. 'Where were you this morning?' she asked, devoid of that polite manner she had been using with everybody else that morning. I didn't really care, I just couldn't help but notice that we were developing a mutual dislike for each other.

'Oh, you know. Out and about, things to be done,' I replied easily. 'Thought I'd be here though. I suppose it's a relief to see such a monster meet the hangman's noose?' I asked in my most pompous manner. Yep, that's my excuse for _formal _language.

'Oh, James has already heard my views on the day's events,' she said, looking up at her fiance with a wry smile. He genuinely returned it and asked that I join the crowd, as Sparrow was probably due to arrive any second now.

With one last bow, I sped off towards the thickening crowd and felt my sword press against my leg. Not to self: never hide swords inside of pants. It chafes.

I smiled when I finally spotted Will. Weaving my way through the crowd, I went over to him and whispered in his ear.

'You know what to do.'

He looked at me and nodded. He stood with me at the front of the crowd and we watched as Jack finally entered the fort, bound in ropes, and was led up to the gallows. It was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop.

For the first time since the Jail, Jack looked me fully in the eye. He didn't look quite as downcast. In fact, the look on his face clearly said, "You said I wasn't going to die, now _do something."_

I cleared my throat and Will looked at me oddly. 'What?'

'Isn't there something you should be _doing?'_

A blank stare. Geez, Will, you're an idiot.

'Hello?! _Elizabeth!'_

'Oh!'

Oh? _Oh?! _The hell is wrong with him? Hasn't he been planning this for five days?!

Staring at his retreating figure, I let out a sigh of exasperation. Do I have to do _everything?_

'Jack Sparrow. Be it known that you have been charged by the King of England for your willful commission of crime against the crown.'

I smirked when I heard Jack mouth, '_Captain!' _It seems he's got his sense of humor back.

'Said crimes being numerous in quantity and sinister in nature, the most egregious of these to be cited herewith. Piracy, smuggling, forging letters of marque...'

I took my sword out. There was no point in trying to hide it anymore, and it was almost showtime. I looked back at where Elizabeth was standing with Norrington and her father. Will was in front of them, probably making small-talk. Ignoring the odd stares I was getting from people in the crowd, I silently willed him to get his ass over here.

'Impersonating a cleric of the Church of England...'

I snickered. Memories of sitting on my couch, laughing with my sister flooded my mind.

Though, I always did wonder. Who the hell is stupid enough to think a guy with dreadlocks could be a clergyman?

'Sailing under false colors, arson, looting, poaching, brigandage, pilfering, depravity...'

Depravity? Being a general asshole is against the law?

I looked back up at Jack. For the first time in days, I saw that crooked smirk that had so often crossed his face. Apparently he gets a kick out of all the crimes he's committed.

'... Depredation, and general lawlessness. And for these crimes you have been sentenced to be, on this day, hung by the neck until dead.'

A "squak" caught my attention. There was a bird flying off into the distance, and I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the chaos Will and I were about to unleash.

Not that I don't plan on having any fun with it. No, no, Norrington owes me one.

'May God have mercy on your soul.'

I wonder... Is this what the calm before the storm feels like? Why is it that I can only hear the quickening of the drums? Shouldn't I be doing something?

Then a sword went flying past my ear, missing my head by a few centimeters.

Oh _yeah._

Along with Will, I sprinted up the stairs to the platform where the body of Jack Sparrow was supposed to be twitching out the last of life. Instead of fighting the big scary executioner guy (Will took up that job rather enthusiastically), I opted for the rope that was keeping Jack suspended. I crouched down and used my sword to start cutting away at the noose.

'Hello, darling!' Jack said in a mock happy tone. 'Very thought out plan you've got going on here!' he said sarcastically. The crowd was in a complete frenzy. Women were running away, men were trying to look important, soldiers were struggling to make it through the crowd.

'You have any other ideas?!' I asked angrily, moving my leg just in time to keep it from getting crushed by big scary executioner guy's foot.

'Honestly? Can't say I do,' he replied looking nervously at the fight that was going on around him. Casting a worried look at the crowd, I spotted Norrington and a few soldiers weaving through the people, trying to get to the platform.

With a slight jerk, Jack went plummeting through the hole in the platform, rope and all. I jumped down through the hole myself, making sure not to land on top of Jack. When I looked up I laughed for the first time in days. It was terribly funny to see Norrington and his men get pummeled by big scary executioner guy.

'Told you you wouldn't die!' I shouted over the yelling. Jack replied by handing me the other end of the rope he had just been cut loose from and motioning for me to run towards the ramparts. Making sure my sword was securely tucked into its sheath, I sprinted across the plaza, trying my damnedest to keep up with Jack. Hasn't he figured out by now that I'm a slow runner?

Despite my lack of speed, I was able to imitate everything Will and Jack had done in the movies. Normally, if five soldiers were running towards me, swords drawn, I would be running as fast as I could the other way, but this time I gripped the rope as tightly as I could and let all five of them run into it. They immediately fell to the ground, and I'm pretty sure one of them was knocked out.

Another five soldiers ran into our rope of doom, this time on the stairs. The next two soldiers weren't quite as stupid as the first ten and they decided to go after us individually. Jack, of course, dodged the one soldier's swipe effortlessly, but I'm sure I would've been knocked cold if Will hadn't come up behind me and punched the guy in his face. As both soldiers went reeling, Will occupied himself with yet another soldier while Jack and I ran behind the pillar, pinning the two soldiers together, and pulling each end of the rope as hard as we could.

The cries of pain that we heard on the other side of the pillar told us that we had successfully beat the shit out of the poor guys.

This time I was prepared for the soldier who came towards me, and for the first time in my life, I punched an authority figure square in the face. I had little time to revel in my glory, as it was clearly time for all three of us to make our escape. Jack and Will, obviously, somersaulted in the air to dodge the sword that was swinging our way. I just ducked. Because I fail.

Once again, we found ourselves back up into a pillar, and I found it in myself to punch one more person in the face before all three of us ran onto the ramparts, only to find ourselves surrounded by about a dozen soldiers. Several of them looked as if they had just been caught up in a tornado (how many people did Will beat up?).

I noticed Carutthers in the crowd of soldiers.

'You bastard,' I snarled venomously at him.

He didn't look the slightest bit guilty. In fact, he looked pissed as hell.

But nobody looked more pissed than Norrington, I noticed when he stepped in front of us, pointing his polished sword at Will's face. He looked marginally unruffled, considering the fact that big scary executioner guy had landed on him about a minute ago.

Elizabeth and her father came running up to the crowd just as Jack was blowing the feathers in Will's hat out of his face. Elizabeth looked flabbergasted. Her father looked... pissed. Very pissed.

'I thought we might have to endure some manner of ill-conceived escape-attempt.'

'"Ill-conceived" is right.'

'Not the time, Jack.'

'But not from you,' Norrington continued. 'And certainly not from _you!'_

I raised an eyebrow. 'Haven't you been suspecting me all this time? Really, Jimmy, you shouldn't be surprised.'

'Hah!' Gillette laughed. 'I knew I recognized you from somewhere!'

'Be quiet!' Norrington scolded his lieutenant, who's smile fell immediately.

'On our return to Port Royal, I granted you clemency,' Governor Swann snarled. 'And this is how you thank me? By throwing in your lot with _him? _He's a pirate!' he said as if that settled the matter.

'And a good man!' Will said proudly, throwing down his sword.

'Let's not exaggerate, shall we? Jack more like a really weird-'

'If all I have achieved here,' he said, cutting me off, 'is that the hangman will earn three pairs of boots instead of one, then so be it. At least my conscious will be clear.'

'Mine too. Just in case anybody's taking note.'

'You forget you place, Turner,' Norrington said quietly.

'It's right here. Between you and Jack.'

Norrington glanced at me.

'I ain't movin'.'

'And nor will I,' said Elizabeth, stepping beside Will and taking his hand.

Norrington's expression turned confused. Governor Swann seemed momentarily lost for words.

'Elizabeth!' he said, clearly appalled by his daughter's behavior.

'This would be a great time to put down your weapons, y'know.' I said, glancing at the surrounding soldiers who were looking nervously at their commodore. By some miracle, they actually took my advice.

Norrington's jaw was trembling. 'So... this is where your heart truly lies, then?'

Elizabeth nodded. 'It is.'

I tapped on Jack's shoulder. When I had his attention, I pointed up at a canon that was currently being sat on by a rather familiar parrot.

Breaking the silence, Jack sauntered up to Governor Swann.

'Well!' he said happily, patting me on the shoulder. 'I'm actually feeling rather good about this. I think we've all arrived at a very special place, eh?'

He was now attracting a number of odd stares and Governor Swann looked appalled at how close he was to Jack. I felt myself smiling uncontrollably, happiness welling up inside of me.

'Spiritually?' Swann nearly gagged when he smelt Jack's breath. 'Ecumenically? Grammatically?'

He stepped over to Norrington, who looked thoroughly confused at the turn of events. 'I want you to know that I was rooting for you, mate. Know that...' he trailed off, stepping backwards towards the ledge.

'Elizabeth,' said dramatically, a pained expression crossing his face. I was actually laughing at this point. 'It would've never worked between us darling... I'm sorry.

'Will... Nice hat.'

I had never been present at so funny a situation. Within sixty seconds, Jack had managed to confuse four fully-grown adults.

'Sands,' he said to me, stopping in his tracks. I smiled back at him. 'You remain to be the weirdest person I have _ever _met. I'll not soon forget you, but I'm sure I'll manage one day.'

'Oh, I don't think you will,' I replied jauntily.

'Tch. Kid.'

He jumped onto the rampart wall and turned to face the entire crowd. Each one of them was genuinely interested in what he had to say at this point.

'Friends!' He said to the soldiers that had attempted to catch up with him, Norrington included. 'This is a day that you will always remember as the day that-'

And then he fell off the cliff. Each one of us ran up to the wall just in time to catch the sight of him hitting the water's surface.

'Idiot! He's nowhere to go but back to the noose!' says Gillette, his smiled returning to his face.

'I wouldn't be so sure,' I replied, pointing at the opposite cliff, where another ship was visible. The _Black Pearl _was waiting patiently for its captain.

'What's your plan of action? Sir?'

Norrington was once again lost for words. Governor Swann was the first to speak up.

'Perhaps, on the rare occasion, pursuing the right course demands an act of piracy... Piracy itself can be the right course.'

'Couldn't have put it better myself,' I said, interacting with the Governor for the first time.

Norrington smiled ruefully. 'Mr. Turner!'

Will started towards him, but was stopped by Elizabeth. He walked back up to her. 'I will accept the consequences of my actions.'

He looked at me.

'I'm not!'

Shaking his head, he made his way down to Norrington who had since lifted his sword.

'This is a beautiful sword. I would expect the man who made it to show the same care and devotion in every aspect of his life.'

Will nodded understandingly. 'Thank you.'

As the Norrington and the soldiers descended Gillette shouted out, 'Commodore!'

Norrington turned to him. 'What about Sparrow?'

He smiled. 'Well, I think we can afford to give him one day's head start, hm?'

I heard Will and Elizabeth chuckle behind me. Carutthers was standing next to a pillar, staring at me. I waved at him, he waved back. I was genuinely happy for the first time in days.

_I'm going home. _

'Oh, Miss Sands?'

Surprised, I looked at Norrington, who was walking towards me. When he was right in front of me he held out his hand.

'I think I'll have my nightshirt back now.'

Wow, he doesn't miss a beat, does he?

'Heh,' I paused. 'Gimme a minute.'

I turned around to face Will, Elizabeth, and her father.

'Will, I'm proud of you. Really. Best of luck. Elizabeth, thanks for the birthday present,' I said, smiling when she laughed. 'Guv',' I looked at her father. 'You're one philosophical prick. I admire you for that.'

I turned back to Norrington. 'Kay, so you want your shirt back, right? Wait up...' I made to look like I was reaching for my rucksack.

Instead, I turned around and started running towards the ledge as fast as I could, shoving Gillette along the way.

'ASSHOLE!'

Now I can _officially _say I've jumped off a cliff.

But something was wrong... No matter how long I waited, the water's surface wouldn't come... It didn't even feel like I was falling... I was just suspended in midair... I was falling unconscious...

_And then the world exploded._

Nah, just kidding.

* * *

"You're not a man 'til you've pulled a tooth out with a pair of pliers."

- Phil Harris: 1957 - 2010


End file.
